It's 3.42am and I can't get back to sleep until I've ranted about this so I figured I'd come down and rant until I felt calmer about the subject then I'll go back to bed for the rest of the night.
I've got them but rarely voice them because they always get over-ridden by someone else.
It can be as minor as what to have for tea or as big as getting my eyes tested or even my health.
I can easily give you 2 examples just from the last 7 days:
First is a frequent opinion over-rider about tea... the conversation always goes pretty much word for word like this:
Me: What we doing about lunch?
Me: How about lasagne?
Me: Pasta bake?
Steve: Takes too long to cook
Me: Egg on toast then?
Me: Do you even want to cook anything?
Me: How about sarnies then?
Me: What do you want to eat then?
Steve: Take away.
Me: But we have take-aways pretty much every day and I'm getting bored of it!
Steve: This will be the last one this week.
Me: You said that yesterday and you'll say it again tomorrow too I bet!
Steve: I know, but I'll feel more up to it tomorrow.
Me: *sighing* What sort of take away are we having then?
Steve: Whatever you want
Me: Burger then?
Me: What do you want then?
Me: we'd better have that then I suppose!
Same with the sight test. I got a letter at the beginning of April saying that my sight test was due so I asked Steve to ask his dad about taking me down there. He promised he would, yet a month later and he still hadn't done it and I got a reminder through the post so I asked him again.
He "forgot" to ask his dad so I charged up Patrick's batteries but apparently I didn't even ask Steve about asking his dad so I asked him if he could phone and ask him now.
"Maybe later" says Steve.
"I'll go down in Patrick on Monday if you haven't asked him before Sunday then" says me.
"You'll never get there alone" says Steve.
"So ask your dad about taking me down instead then!" says me.
"I've already said I will!" huffs Steve.
"You said that back in April too" says me.
"No I did not! This is the first I've heard you talk about it!" lies Steve.
"I always tell you straight away 'cos we both know what my memory is like!" says me.
"Whatever" sighs Steve.
He's supposed to be caring for me for 35 hours a week because he gets carers allowance for it, but I'm lucky if I get an hour of care a week... he does my bra up for me which takes seconds but that's it!
I'm not allowed an opinion on that either - according to Steve he works hard to provide for me and cares for me for 15 hours a day, which is total bullshit!
Anyway, back to opinions.
I've signed up to survey sites to give my opinion in surveys too, but about 90% of those come up saying that I don't meet the criteria after I've clicked on the link. Why invite me to give my opinion in that bloody survey then??
I can't even give my full opinion in here without leaving off some information so that the people I'm talking about don't have a go at me for expressing my opinions even though they constantly do it themselves!
The courses I take too: assessment questions ask for my opinion so I give it and I'm failed because "that's not what the workbook says" or "you need to read the question more thoroughly" or "that's not what the course materials said". Maybe not, but the question asked for my opinion not for what the course said about it!!
The same with other people too - they ask me for my opinion on something, I give it and they reject it in favour of their own preference.
Book and magasine choices are frowned on if they are displayed in my own damn house so I've had to go to reading books online instead.
Music choices are laughed at.
I learnt from a young age that it was easier all round to say "I dunno" or "don't mind either way" even if I do, 'cos people don't give two hoots about how I really feel as long as they get what they want.
"Do you want to do this or that?" asks the person I'm speaking to.
Honestly I want to do the other but because I'm not allowed opinions I always lie and say "I don't mind" so that I'm not required to justify my opinion to them and made to feel bad for voicing my opinion.
Nobody wants my genuine opinion, they want me to agree with them so that they can do what they want to do and because I've given them permission to make the choice, there's no comeback for me either!
It's just easier all around to keep my opinions and feelings bottled up inside me, just like I've always done.
It's 4.37am now and I'm a bit calmer so I'm gonna go back up to bed.
Morning, morning all!