Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Knock-knock jokes are fun, the person who came up with them should definitely get a No-Bell prize.
My friend bought a dog from a Blacksmith.
As soon as he got it home, it made a bolt for the door.
On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
News: "Boy George's reptile bites 5 people in one day."
He needs a calmer chameleon.
What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a pram. "What's your kid's name?" asks the bartender. "Tiny," says the lizard. "Because he's my newt."
Panther no pants, I'm goin' thwimmin'.
Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?
Type 2 Diabetes. Andy has diabetes now.