By the time I've shut down it'll be 8pm so I think I've pretty much managed to stay up longer than I have for the last 6 weeks, so that's OK. I'm orf to beddy-byes now though.
Nite nite orl.
...I've already fallen off the wagon and indulged in my addiction again.
I had the choice between my Graze box (the sensible option) or my addiction... my addiction was too strong and it won within seconds.
I'm soo disappointed in myself that I couldn't even make it for 2 days. Maybe I was expecting too much of myself but I still only lasted for a day and a half which is a huuge disappointment to me.
I am totally stuffed, verging on bloated now. T'was pasta and garlic sauce cooked entirely by Janette today and I'm seriously regretting that sharing packet of crisps I had for my mid-morning snack now! lol
Because I'm so close to being underweight now, I adjusted my FitBit app to gain rather than maintain weight and I'm gonna leave off mid-morning snacks until after I've had my lunch now. The crisps were a rapid way to increase my calorie intake but I ate them too soon after my breakfast and I'm regretting it now.
Here's today's lunch photo:
Just another bowl of Choco Crackles, soya milk and an orange juice for breakfast again this morning.
I'm right on the verge of being underweight so I need to consume as many calories as I can this week. Other than bread/toast, what else can a semi-vegan eat that uses dairy-free spread and has a long shelf life out of the freezer please?
Here's today's breakfast photo:
How are you all doing this morning?
I'm doing OK so far I think. I've taken my morning pills, had a mug of decaff coffee, run the virus scan (which was, thankfully, still clear) and sorted out the FitBit spreadsheet for last week.
I decided against putting the rubbish and recycling out again 'cos there's so little of it.
I've lost another 150g this week so I'll be underweight next week and I can't even have the drinking choccies 'cos they won't be in stock until 22nd February, so I'll be reliant on crisps to increase my calories this week.
For some reason, my computer doesn't like my taskbar icon, so I'll have to mess with that when my morning carer has been and gone.
Should I go out and say thank you to the rubbish and recycling bods even though there isn't anything out there to be collected?
I'm hoping that I'll get to speak to one of the professionals about my lack of finances today. I had an appointment with her at the end of last week, but there was an emergency she was helping with which is fair enough and it got rearranged to today instead.
I'm gonna sort out my to-do list for today then see what the time is like after that and if there's time for another coffee before my morning carer arrives.
I've just taken my last two pills of the day and I'm having another early night... I've managed a smidgen over 8 hours of sleep for the last couple of nights so I think my body is starting the healing process now.
I'll be back tomorrow prolly before the sparrows start parping.
Nite nite orl.
I've always had an addictive personality, I just didn't realise how much I relied on Steve to keep me off the chocolate.
Please stop laughing.
Yep, totally serious.
So far this morning I've had 15 treat size bars of chocolate, 6 chocolate biscuits and a moca... it's not even 8.15am yet.
It was the same yesterday when I had 18 bars of chocolate and 2 hot chocolates.
Since the groceries came on Tuesday, I've polished off 2kg of treat-sized bars of chocolate.
Yep, totally serious about that too.
I thought I'd come out of the other side of that addiction but it seemed to have just been lulling me into a false sense of security.
I've still got my spending addiction under control (cue me going off the rails with that too now) but I haven't been given a choice about that since losing Steve 'cos every penny has to be accounted for now otherwise I won't be able to afford the important things like the mortgage and water and electricity and council tax and my prescriptions and the groceries etc.
I've gotta make a more determined effort to cut this addiction off right away otherwise I'll be overwhelmed again and I really don't wanna go down that road again.
If I say that I'm gonna have more chocolate please, please, please distract me or persuade me out of it or whatever so that I can nip this stupid thing in the bud before I get to the point of no return again.
I'm still feeling ruff as chuff this morning so prolly won't have any breakfast and just stick to water this morning.
I'm going over to my in-laws for lunch, so don't wanna take any risks this morning otherwise I'll lose my lunch everywhere.
I'm predicting that there will be a demand from someone I've been doing a favour for and this person has already publically promised that it'll happen "as soon as possible" and that "there haven't been any recent updates due to unforseen circumstances". It hasn't happened yet, thankfully, but I'm predicting, at 5.58am on Sunday 29th January 2023, that it'll happen before the end of February 'cos I know this person's pattern now and it'll carry on being totally about them, then there will be another major disaster then they will say that it needs to be done urgently and won't like it when I refuse this time, but right now I really don't care.
I've already taken my morning pills and I've got a can of ginger beer on the go. My FitBit is fully charged and so is my phone now, so that's OK.
My morning carer is due any time now and I've certainly found out who my true friends are and it turns out that only one of 'em sticks around when I need support rather than it constantly being about them.
Today's to-do list is gonna be weird 'cos I'll be out for a while today and I've already done most of what I can do with the bigger things so it'll be a short to-do list today I reckon.
I've just started my daily virus scan going and I'm hopeful that it'll be clear again.
I've just taken my last two pills of the day and I'm hoping that this one last early night will be all I need to recover, so that hopefully I'll be able to go back to 7.30pm bedtimes again.
I'll see you all at sparrow's fart o'clock tomorrow.
Nite nite orl
Today's lunch was crinkle cut chips and a splodge of brown sauce.
Kay put the chips into the oven without it being pre-heated and took them out after 16 minutes instead of 20 and they were stone cold but fortunately defrosted by the time I had my first one. Kay had sped off by that point and I was starving, so I polished them off and I'm hoping I don't get food poisoning.
My Graze box came through the post this morning, so I'll have a couple of those punnets when my stomach calms down, but it'll be ginger all the way for the rest of today.
Here's today's lunch photo:
...first off, I'm gonna be getting a refund of the council tax from the council - I just need to fill in my details and send it off to them and second, my Graze box has just arrived and there's a time-sensitive snack in there, so I'll be able to have a pud today too! There's a can of fruit cocktail in the kitchen which I'll get 2 puds out of, so that's 3 puds this week, so maybe I don't need the extra chips for me lunch after all! 😃
My monthly anti-virus deep scan has already finished after only 6 hours, including accidentally opening up one of my email progammes which used to mean that the weekly virus scan took literally all night! Thankfully I seem to have closed it fast enough that it didn't affect the monthly scan, so that's reassuring. Everything is clear of nasties so I can open up my emails and download them all before my lunchtime carer comes to make my lunch for me. It'll just be chips again 'cos of going over to my in-laws for lunch tomorrow and I've gotta remember to add another 200g jar of decaff coffee to my grocery order too, so I'll do that now before I forget again.
Nope, I'm having issues logging in so I'll have to keep trying and hope I don't forget to do it... maybe it's 'cos it's a Saturday morning and everyone is trying to do their grocery shop at the same time?
I'm feeling really hungry right now, so I'll have to ask for a slightly larger than normal portion of chips today.
I've just added the coffee via my phone 'cos I still can't log in on my dappy computer for some reason!
...the "Confessions of..." series (the other two in the series aren't available on my Kindle Unlimited subscription, which is fair enough) and I've got another 3 separate books lined up on my subscription too, so that should keep me going for a while lol
Another bowl of Choco Crackles, sweetened soya milk and a bottle of orange juice again this morning. My stomach is telling me that I shouldn't have had those treat-sized chocolates at like 5am though 'cos it's struggling to cope with all the sweetness this morning lol
I remembered not to open my email programmes this morning, but I've been down here for aaages and my antivirus programme hasn't whirred into life yet, annoyingly.
I've made myself a mug of caffeinated coffee, so I'll be weeing for England today lol
I successfully managed to go the whole day without digging into the treat-sized bars yesterday, so I'm indulging in 5 bars now as a reward lol I've already had a Creme Egg Twisted bar and I'm fighting with the wrapper on a Crunchie bits bar atm lol
My anti-virus programme has just kicked into life so I've started off the monthly virus scan now and I've managed to get into my next bar of chocolate so next up to go down my throat is a treat-sized Dairy Milk, then a Wispa then finish off with a Fudge.
Time to swallow my morning pills now, before I forget, then I'll sort out today's to-do list.
OK, that's me dosed up until lunchtime now and this blog post is getting a bit long, so I'm gonna publish it and sort out my to-do list for today.
I've just taken my last pills of the day, so I'm gonna head straight to bed and hope for another 9 hours of sleep again.
I'll be back waay to early in the morning, doing everything from my browsers as opposed to my usual programs.
Nite nite orl.
...that it's the monthly virus scan tomorrow, so I'll have to make sure I don't open either of my email programmes and that I chose the right option in my anti-virus programme.
Fingers crossed 🤞 that it'll still be clear, but it scans every file on my machine so it'll prolly take until lunchtime at the soonest to finish, but the reassurance it gives me will be worth it.
...my social worker on the phone. She said she's made a referral to Occupational Therapy and she's going to look into getting a cheaper rate for the electric and maybe an electric hoover too.
She asked if I'd been anywhere other than my in-laws and when I said I hadn't because of my mobility problems, she said there was a potential for someone to come out to me rather than me going out, which would be ideal!
Basically it sounds like things are moving into the next stage of support now, which is a relief... as long as it doesn't get too overwhelming of course! It sounds like there's a lot more support available though, so hopefully things are starting to turn a corner with the support I'm getting now!
A very simple lunch today - crinkle cut chips and brown sauce made entirely by my carer and she did the washing up too. I'm just nicely full now and my chocolate craving has totally disappeared. I'm parping and burping like a good 'un but I'm not sure if that's from the pop or the vegetable oil that was used... either way, I'm the only one here atm so it doesn't matter, right?
Here's today's lunch photo:
...a few chocolates to celebrate getting the bank stuff sorted out?
I'm trying to resist today 'cos I can feel my addiction rapidly coming back so I wanna go for a day without any solid chocolate at all, but I think I deserve the reward, so I dunno what I should do. What do you reckon? Let me know in the comments on this blog post please?!
Another day of having a chocolatey cereal breakfast with sweetened soya milk and an orange juice. I'm about half way down the box of cereal now, so I'm gonna take one of the boxes off Tuesday's order along with all of the soya milk 'cos I've still got 3 litres of it left which I can't afford to waste.
Today is gonna be a good, if exhausting day I reckon. I managed to cross a couple of things off my to-do list yesterday that had been on there for while, so it'll hopefully be a more relaxing day today. I'm not gonna push myself 'cos that's what I've done every day for the last 6 weeks and I just need a bit of time to recover now.
Gotta phone the bank today to try and get a years worth of statements for Steve's current account rather than the savings account that arrived yesterday.
I've already indulged in a drinking choccie this morning so I'm gonna try and not have any of the solid chocolates until after lunch today 'cos I can feel my addiction creeping back so I wanna meet it head on rather than giving in to it again.
Gonna sort out today's to-do list then take my pills now I reckon.
Just had my lunch made by a good carer and I think we overdid the portion of pasta 'cos I'm now verging on bloated again lol I'm significantly over my calorie budget again, but that's OK 'cos I need to put on some weight this week and I'd prefer to be over budget than under... but having those chocolates this morning prolly wasn't a wise idea lol
It was pasta and roasted vegetable sauce today and it tasted so good.
Here's today's lunch photo:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5
If you've read any of my other recent book reviews you'll know that I start off the first paragraph in the same way - by saying that every book starts off with the full 5 stars and that I'm always hopeful that they will still be stuck firmly in place by the time I close the back cover and this book is no different.
I was looking for something totally new to me to help me through these early days of being a young widow so when I saw this was available on Kindle Unlimited, I couldn't really say no lol
Let's get going shall we?
The introduction was interesting and if the rest of the book is in a similar style then it'll be a 5 star book... I'm guessing there won't be any trademark infringements in this book 'cos Prince Harry and the author are both well-informed about that kinda thing lol
Ooh, I enjoyed the first chapter, but the lack of full capitalisation of AIDS is starting to grate on my nerves a bit so the first star is just starting to wobble ever so slightly.
Chapter 2 was good too... I'm starting to realise just how different the royal family and their staff are to you and me and it's breaking my heart already.
The heartbreak that William and Harry must have felt when their parents' separation was announced by the then Prime Minister must have absolutely broken both of them but they had to maintain a stiff upper lip because of who they were. Poor boys after everything they had been through in their very young lives!
I'm gonna stop reviewing every chapter now 'cos otherwise this review will get too long so I'll just post when I read something that I feel is worth mentioning.
I've just finished reading it and it was a real eye-opener into Harry's life especially, but also the royal family and Meghan's relationship with them. It's obviously one of the slightly older of the more recent books 'cos a lot has happened that isn't even hinted at, let alone mentioned, but that's OK... reading this book has taken 3 days but it's been worth it for me.
If you're a nosey parker like me and you're interested in getting to know a bit more about our Royal Family, definitely invest in this book! Well worth every one of those 5 stars.
Just had my breakfast of Choco Crackles, soya milk and a bottle of orange juice.
The fridge is definitely cooler than it was a couple of days ago, so I've turned it down just a smidgen more now and hopefully that'll be it then, but I'm gonna turn it down as much as it needs gradually so that I can keep the milk and juice fresher for longer.
Here's today's breakfast photo:
⭐ out of 5
If you've already read any of my other recent book reviews, you'll already know that I start 'em all off by saying that each book starts off with the full 5 stars and that I'm always hopeful that they will all still be firmly in place by the time I finish reading. You'll also know that I'm not shy about knocking off a star if I feel it's necessary, particular for copyright or trademark infringement but that I always give a reason for knocking each star off.
Let's get going:
Ooh! I love the zebra image on the first page! It makes a refreshing change not to be met with a page full of text, so top marks so far!
There's the first star gone after the use of a brand name... I hope that I can replace it if there's that magic sentence at the end of the book saying that it's been used with permission, but of all the books I've read, that's only happened once, so I'm not holding my breath unfortunately.
Two totally unnecessary swears takes the book down to 3 stars.
I haven't got a clue what age this author is writing for... it's written as too immature for adults but the swearing and words are too advanced for children! Each of the animals have the same voice and personality too... this really hasn't been thought out well at all, so I'm knocking off another star at 46%. I'm mightily relieved that it's only 76 pages long but I'm wondering if the final star will stay in place for the last 54%?
Oh boy, now it's glorifying making elephants drunk so the final star is coming off and I'm officially giving up. This book had so much potential but the author just didn't think it through enough.
How are you all doing today?
Me? I've got a cold brewing and my nose is all bunged up and I can't stop sniffing or feel warm which is all I need right now!
I've taken my morning pills and started the daily virus scan, so I'll sort out my to-do list then I can settle in to read more of both of the books that I've got on the go. Go and grab a drinking chocolate first though!
Gotta remember to update Marie and Andrew on what's left to pay on the mortgage too.
3 hours later than it should be but here's the latest update:
Lunch today couldn't have been simpler - a couple of handfuls of crinkle cut chips made pretty much entirely by me and all my carer did was take them out of the oven, slide them onto the plate then disappear because she was late for her next client. I'm supposed to get 30 minutes of care twice a day but the total time spent making my lunch today was only about 6 minutes because she was behind with her next client. At least she took the chips out of the oven and put them on the plate today though!
A few hours after I had it, but I couldn't do it before 'cos my weekly backups were chuntering away lol
T'was a bowl of choco crackles with sweetened soya milk and a bottle of squeezed orange juice today.
I think the nausea a couple of days ago after I'd had my breakfast was 'cos the temperature in the fridge wasn't keeping the milk (and other food) cool enough, so I turned it down yesterday morning and I still felt a touch icky this morning, so I've turned it down again... it's just another thing for me to experiment with methinks.
Here's today's breakfast photo:
I'm not feeling as good as I did yesterday morning, but by the same token I'm not feeling too bad either.
I've taken my morning pills and started the weekly virus scan but I can't stop yawning, despite having over 11 hours of sleep.
I've got someone coming over again today to try and get a bit more financial help sorted out for me, so I can't have caffeine or I'll be stumbling to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes while she's here which'll be frustrating for both of us, so I reckon I'm gonna dose myself up with the B12 spray instead and hope that keeps me awake until bedtime.
I will have caffeine this morning! I think I need and deserve the hit of awakeness so I'm gonna have it!
I'm gonna go and make it now.
BBS with my to-do list.
I'm absolutely shattered and my body is crying out for a rest, so I'm gonna shut down and have an early night tonight.
Be back at sparrow's fart tomorrow, but for now it's nite nite orl.
Look after each other and never be afraid to tell your loved ones that you love them 'cos one day it'll be too late.
...stop reading now, take my last pills of the day and have another early night I reckon.
Can someone remind me to keep reading the book tomorrow and also not to open my email programmes 'cos of the virus scan tomorrow pretty please?
This is a bit blurry, but I was so glad to be eating a hot meal for the second time this week that I really didn't care.
T'was pasta and roasted vegetable sauce and tasted gorgeous. I'm verging on being bloated but still need to consume at least another 148 calories today, so I can see me having at least one mocha or drinking chocolate so that I don't lose weight again on Monday. I'm gonna leave it for a little while though, otherwise it'll come straight back up again.
Here's today's lunch photo:
I need a drink and/or some chocolate, so I've got a decision to make that I'd love your opinion on. Do I have:
I've got about half an hour to indulge before the groceries arrive and I'm a bit dry, so just for a very rare change I'm putting the drinking chocolate to the bottom of the list otherwise I might throw up because of the thickish sweetness, but everything else is a lot more liquidy so would stop my mouth and throat from feeling so dry.
If I'm having something caffeinated then it needs to be made and drunk before noon otherwise I'll be awake all night and a right moody cow tomorrow 'cos of the lack of sleep lol
Over to you - leave me a comment and I'll go with the most popular option lol
I finished off the jug of Tropical fruits granola this morning and turned the fridge temperature down a bit (I hope lol) 'cos it wasn't very cool in there so maybe that didn't help yesterday either? I turned the dial down from 5 to 4½ so hopefully that's a better fridge setting to keep things cooler and fresher for longer - again, it's just a case of experimenting to find what works and what doesn't for me.
Today's breakfast was the last of the Tropical fruits granola, a freshly opened carton of sweetened soya milk and a bottle of squeezed orange juice.
Here's today's breakfast photo:
...just been and gone and Tee was one of the better ones, apparently she's coming to do my lunch too, so I might actually get to eat today!
Gonna update today's to-do list then go and make my breakfast so that I can finish eating and recover before the groceries come between 10am and 11 am.
Today is a good day so far... long may it continue!
I've been a good girl and taken my morning pills so I hopefully won't need to stumble backwards and forwards to the bathroom literally every 5 minutes today and the vitamins and minerals my body needs have been topped up too.
My stomach is still a bit iffy after yesterday's milk mistake and the groceries are due this morning, so I'm not gonna take any risks today. The washing and dressing will be the most active that I am and I'm gonna stick with chips for lunch today I reckon... assuming that the lunchtime carer actually cooks this time of course!
I've put in the grocery order for the end of February and I've got things that I can have instead of cooked food coming today just in case there's a repeat of yesterday.
The virus scan was clear, so that's reassuring... doing a scan every morning as well as once a week and once a month might be a touch excessive, but I'd rather do too many than none at all so that I can deal with any problems as they arise rather than not running any and being left without a useable computer.
Time to put my days to-do list up then make myself that mocha I reckon.
I've just taken my last pills of the day and the side effects are already kicking in, so I'm gonna head off to beddy-byes in a bit, but wanted to do the final update of the day:
After spending my morning throwing up my breakfast (thanks to the milk) I've just been drinking water all day until I had a visit from a professional and I decided to celebrate with a J2O which made me hungry so I had a packet of crisps and a home-made decaffeinated mocha... I just hope it wasn't too late in the day to have it! I think I'm just about safe, but I won't be having an early night tonight just in case lol
Here's today's tea photo: