Monday 31 May 2021

Just taken my last two pills of the day, sooooo...

...I'm gonna head to bed for an early night tonight, but might wait a bit longer so that I'm not tossing and turning and getting stressed which would cause the insomnia to re-start again.  Just gonna listen to my body now and as soon as I start feeling tired I'll shut down and head to bed, so I might not make another blog post before then, so I'd best say nite nite to you all now.

I'll be back at some point tomorrow, hopefully in the morning, but I'll leave you all be for tonight now.

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31st May 2021

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That's the morning exercises done

Just finished doing my first set of laps of the day and the squats straight after so that's it until after we've had our food now so that my body can recover.  My legs are really feeling it now, so the only time I'm gonna be moving for the next few hours is to bring the rubbish sack in and going for wee's, nowt else for safety's sake.  I'm 19 steps off my target, so they will be used up when I go out and get the rubbish sack and anything else will be a bonus then.

I managed just over 5,000 steps yesterday, thanks to my stroll around the house, so I'm hoping for 7,500 today 'cos of aiming to do it twice a day from now on.  I'm not gonna get the same amount of steps as I did with the puppy for a while yet 'cos I haven't done that many steps in very nearly 7 months so, like with the squats, I'm taking things very slowly and listening to my body instead of pushing myself too hard too soon, 'cos my legs'll give way underneath me and I won't be able to stand back up then and my carer will be asleep, just like he is now, so I'm gonna put that into today's spreadsheet before I forget.

Mornin' all

I woke up with the pain in my skull and eye pretty much gone, thankfully, so I was able to start caring for my carer without popping a paracetamol first thing - only 2 hours and 17 minutes so far this morning, so maybe today will be a low care day❓


I've made our breakfast, taken my pills, completed the virus scan, brought in the recycling box and I've already guzzled 1½ litres of pop so I'm thinking today will be another 3 litre day today, especially if today is gonna be hot (Steve said last night that it'd be 20℃ today).  


Gonna hopefully walk a bit more today, but I'm gonna listen to my body and not risk pushing myself too hard or fast... wanna turn the FitBit graph green instead of red now but I'm gonna build up the increase really slowly so that my body doesn't give up on me.  Gonna do one set of walking first thing then the last set in the evening and my squats at lunchtime.

Not sure what we're gonna have for lunch today 'cos Steve reckons he wants to wait until the groceries have been delivered before he makes it, so it could, potentially, be 4pm before we eat, which is just verging on being too late to eat without feeling sick when I head to bed, but Steve doesn't seem to care about that, so it might be bread for lunch today 🙄

Sunday 30 May 2021

Weekly care totals for both of us

Amanda's carer's weekly total of care:  2 hours 5 minutes in 7 days

Amanda's care for her carer:  68 hours 34 minutes in 7 days 

Basically Amanda was 1 hour 26 minutes away from caring for her carer for double the amount necessary to get Carer's Allowance and her carer just scraped through the 2 hour mark, in a week when Amanda had a medical appointment so her carer had plenty of opportunities to increase the caring hours, but he decided against it.

If next week is even remotely like this week, I'll pretty much sail through the 70 hours pretty easily and I doubt I'll hit 3 hours of care from my so-called carer.

I've clocked off my daily caring for my carer now so I'm gonna catch up on Facebook then head to bed I reckon.  I doubt I'll make another blog post before I crawl up to bed, so I'll say goodnight to you all now.  See you all tomorrow morning for more ranting, raving and whining and a fresh start with another 2 sheets in my caring spreadsheet.  If I didn't have OCD and an addictive personality I'd put a bet on that I'd hit 70 hours of care for my carer, in return for under 5 hours total from him <shrug>

Nite nite orl.

Still in agony but no-one gives a frig as long as...

...I'm there to support them.


Managed to do my squats and I've decided to start wobbling around the downstairs of the house for about 15 minutes a couple of times a day to see if that reduces my thighs and belly without losing any more weight.  I'm eating at least 3,000 calories a day, so a couple of thousand steps a couple of times a day will hopefully take the calorie burn rate to more of a sensible level against all those calories which'll hopefully help me to maintain my weight now.


My skull and eye is still killing me, so I'm gonna pop another paracetamol and hope that it disappears overnight, 'cos I really can't stand being in pain and never have been able to.


The plan for next week is to do the squats at least 3 times and the same with the wobbly walks... I just need to find a new routine and look after me and my health instead of everyone else for a change - you can't pour from an empty vessel after all, and I'm nearly at the bottom of my support vessel now, so I need to spend a bit of time re-charging my batteries and caring about myself instead of everyone else for a change.

Gonna pop a paracetamol and my last two pills of the day now and see how long before the tiredness kicks in this evening.

Absolute frickin' agony, but never mind eh?

Morning all.


Has anyone felt a sharp pain in the right side of their skull, going down to their eye socket that paracetamol doesn't even touch please?  Similar to Endometriosis pain but going from the middle right of your skull and into your right eye please?


I've taken my morning pills, made breakfast for us both, completed the virus scan, done some walking to try and get rid of my anger and apparently we'll be having biscuits for lunch 'cos my carer doesn't fancy cooking, despite telling everyone who will listen that he makes all of our meals and does everything for me.  Total bollox in reality.  To give him credit, he made me a bottle of squash this morning, so that I can take my pills, so he's been my carer for 2 hours and 5 minutes so far this week... there's no possible way that he can care for me for 32 hours and 55 minutes before I head to bed tonight, so that's another week that he's done pretty much bugger all as my carer.  I'm not his carer, yet I've already beaten his caring this morning alone but apparently I don't care for him.


I've done the maffs on tomorrows groceries and stuff for Steve alone (so meaty or dairy basically) comes to £20.35 which is over half of the total spend and my stuff (basically pop that I bet Steve will have at least one bottle of) comes to £3.20, yet it's my stuff that comes off if Steve decides he wants to add something else for him alone.  I'll be allowed 1 pack of doughnuts and 6 bananas this week though, so I guess I shouldn't complain too loudly.  That leaves £10.89 for joint stuff.


I should just give up on getting stuff for myself or both of us and just give the £180 a month for the groceries and the £175 for the electricity straight to Steve.


Time to support D now, while Steve's in the bathroom, then I'll try doing my exercise for the 3rd time this week, then I'll be caring for my carer again this afternoon, while he's asleep.


Saturday 29 May 2021

I'm absolutely cream-crackered sooo...

...after another 8 hours and 36 minutes of caring for my carer today (58 hours and 8 minutes total so far this week), I'm gonna head to bed 'cos I've taken my last two pills of the day and they are knocking me out waaay faster than I was expecting, so I'm not gonna take any silly risks and I'm gonna shut down and have a really early night.


I'll be back again tomorrow and I'm pretty much guaranteed to meet the 65 hours I was assuming yesterday.


See you all back bright and early.  Nite nite orl 💤


6 hours and 8 minutes of care so far now

I've cared for my carer for over 6 hours so far today, but only had 39 minutes of care off him.  Doubt I'll make it to double figures of care after all today, but I've still done more than I need to do in one day, so might hit 65-ish hours by bed time tomorrow which is still considerably more than is necessary for Carers Allowance and significantly more in a day than I get in a week from my carer, but apparently I don't do anything to support him and he does everything for me which is obviously complete bollox based on the last months worth of spreadsheets I've been keeping 🤷


From Facebook: If a girl is silent...


Been down here for 2 hours and 3 minutes...

...and I've spent 1 hour and 50 minutes of those caring for my carer and he's done buggar all to support me so far, so I reckon today will be yet another double digit day of care for him and if I do the same again tomorrow, then I'll have cared for him for double the amount of time needed to get Carers Allowance, yet my carer gets it and doesn't even reach double figures of caring for me a week.

I've taken my morning pills, run the virus scan (the deep one I was running yesterday finished 2 hours before I came down and thankfully shut my computer down safely when it had finished, so the battery was cool by the time I got down here, thankfully), sorted breakfast and a drink for both of us, so now I've just gotta sort out my emails and do the news.

Gonna try and remember to do my exercises today, to try and get rid of my flabby thighs.  Bet I'll forget again though❗  We shall see what today brings I s'pose.

Friday 28 May 2021

13 hours and 41 minutes today

I've cared for my carer for over 13 hours today and over 49 hours so far this week, which means I'm pretty much guaranteed to hit 65 hours before I head to bed on Sunday night, but apparently I don't do anything to care for my carer.


I've taken my evening pills so I'm gonna head to bed in a bit.  Need to remember not to turn my computer off tonight 'cos of the monthly virus scan.  


D has, predictably, requested that I do some edits on her site that is gonna take a bit of doing, but she's a friend so I shouldn't mind doing it for her, right❓  Even though it feels like she's taking me for granted again and I bet she'll ask me to lend her money again too.  I suppose I should be grateful that it's not very often with her, but people seem to assume that it's one rule for me and the exact opposite for them.  They spend on average, two messages supporting me a year and the rest of the time I spend supporting them, and they don't know how to react when I explode at the end of every year, other than to either ignore me or tell me to bring it here then they give me the cold shoulder until they've forgiven me for daring to be unable to cope and having precisely no support for anything 'cos it always comes back to them, 100% of the time.


Ho hum, you'd think I'd be used to it by now, wouldn't you❓


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28th May 2021

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Oh boy!

My hayfever is already kicking in, which usually signals a bad hayfever day, so I'll be sneezing and sniffing and my eyes will be itching and watery all day today and generally feeling grotty.


The monthly virus scan is underway so I can't check my domain name emails until tomorrow now.  I've taken my morning pills and had my breakfast and made a mug of caffeinated coffee for both of us.  The dairy free spread tub is totally used up, so I'll be starting a new one tomorrow morning.  It's zoop for lunch 'cos I won't be able to put my laptop on the floor 'cos of the virus scan.  I found Steve's iPod this morning, so that's currently charging up and there are three other plugs in the drawer that neither of us know what they are for.

I've been paid overnight, so Monday must be some kind of Bank Holiday or summat and means that I don't have to try and scrabble the money for the groceries together on Sunday like I usually have to do.

Gonna sort out all three sets of news, put it on the appropriate sites and blogs, then hopefully do my exercise before I have lunch.  I might even be able to study today, with any luck, 'cos I can't access my emails or anything... we shall have to see how long it takes me to do all the news first though 😐

Thursday 27 May 2021

With 3 days still to go...

...I've already cared for my carer for 35 hours (without even counting up the minutes) so far, so there's the potential for another 60 hour week again, but apparently I do bugger all to support my carer and he gets away with under 10 hours of care a week yet still uses the title at every opportunity.  I suppose I should be grateful for today's 35 minutes of care which has really pushed the boat out 'cos he listened to me talking about my medical appointment for 5 minutes and made us both lunch, so I suppose I should be more grateful, right❓  Considering that I only cared for my carer for 10 hours and 15 minutes today, right❓


Well, I'm back from the appointment and I managed to hit the bullseye (at long last) on the two checks (BP and weight) so she doesn't want to see me again for either of them (unless I need to) until the New Year now, which is a huuuuuge relief and for the first time in getting on for 10 months she didn't say about needing to refer me to a Dietician at the hospital!  I've just gotta maintain the weight now, so I'll still keep eating what I've been eating, but won't feel like I have to send my calories through the roof at least once a week any more and if, when the Covid restrictions have been lifted, I meet up with C again, then I will be able to move around more in the pub/restaurant instead of moving as little as possible. 


Basically today has just improved dramatically and I've hopefully saved the NHS a little bit of money by not needing the referral.  I forgot to ask about how to lose my flab without losing any more weight, but I really don't care now.  I might re-start doing sit-ups at some point in the future, but I wanna get used to another new routine first.

We're having an entire package of hash browns each for lunch in celebration, but it's one less thing for me to worry about now.

Thank you Gaia and the Green Man❗

Lunch today was a packet (4 servings) of hash browns each and I'm totally stuffed now.

Mornin' all

How are you all getting on this morning❓


I've made breakfast for my carer and me, taken my pills, run the virus scan (still no malware, thankfully) and cared for my carer for an hour and a half so far today.  


I've got the appointment with the nurse later on today and I've gotta try and remember to ask about reducing my belly... bet I'll forget by the time I'm called in though 🙄 🤣  Got a letter in my neck bag to drop off too, that has been hanging around since Monday morning and Steve's had 3 opportunities to post it for me but, quelle surprise, hasn't, so I've gotta take it with me to give to the receptionist in person.  The letter is already addressed and stamped and has been since Monday morning, so that's even more waste thanks to Steve, and multiple (small, admitedly) promises broken yet he wonders why I don't believe or trust him.  I bet he'll have an excuse for not writing the letter to the Neurologist and he won't come with me to the appointment either.  It's not often I ask him to do things for me, but each time I do something happens and I don't get the support I've requested.

There's summat I wanna watch (a one-night-only thing) on YouTube tonight and I've asked Steve to remind me that it's on four times so far, yet the furthest he's got to it is picking up his mobile and asking "which channel?" before falling asleep and dropping his phone again.

Not gonna do my exercise until I come home after the appointment, otherwise my legs will give way under me and I won't be able to get back up, which would be dangerous if it happened outside, especially if it was near the road❗

I've got one last payment coming out of my account tomorrow, which'll leave me with £3.64 so I'm really hoping I get paid on Monday or the groceries will send me overdrawn again.


I've got a book to review too, but they've paid for and sent the link to their book in their own country and I haven't got a clue what the Amazon email says and because I don't live in their country I won't be able to review it on their country's Amazon site, just like I can't in America, so they've potentially just wasted some money, unfortunately. 


Wednesday 26 May 2021

Back-ups finished, exercise done... now I just need to recover ready for taking my last pills of the day and heading to bed.


I'm only 12 minutes off caring for my carer for 7 hours today, so that's pretty much guaranteed before I head to bed, but might be able to sneak in another hour or so if he falls asleep before then.  I'll be happy with just another 12 minutes of care for the 7 hours though, 'cos that's still 2 hours over the daily minimum and'll be about 25 hours-ish so I'll only have 10 hours of care left in 4 days, which is pretty much guaranteed every day except tomorrow, so maybe a 50-ish hour week of caring for my carer by bed-time on Sunday❓ Apparently I do bugger all to care for him though 🤷

Virus scan found... malware, so I started the backups and ran the bath.  It was actually a warm bath today, thankfully, but I need to remember to pull the switch in the bathroom an hour or so before I plan to jump in the bath so that the hot water is ready to come out straight away, instead of having cold water to start with.  It was nowhere near as cold as I was thinking though, so didn't need to boil the kettle and get Steve to feel the tepid-ness of it after all.

The back-ups are 91% finished, then I'll be able to put the external hard drive away for another week and check my email for the first time since yesterday.

I've gotta remember to ask the nurse to be honest with me about my belly tomorrow... my head is telling me it's a bit flabby, but not too bad, my psychosis is telling me that I'm a fat pig 'cos I can't see my pubes over it, but my clothes size is telling me that I'm very nearly there.  I'm ignoring my psychosis, but am I just flabby and need to work out how to tone up my belly a bit without losing any more weight or do I go by my clothes size and tell my head to completely shut up.  I don't wanna lose any weight, just the wobbly flab, but I don't know how to get rid of it without losing any weight.  I was doing sit-ups when I needed to lose weight, but stopped doing them as soon as I hit my target weight, so I just need to tone up/build muscle now, but I dunno how to do that without also losing weight.

I'm gonna crack open the custard creams now, so that my fingers don't get sticky just as my backups finish 🙄

Been down here for less than 4 hours and...

...I've already given up on the day.


I've taken my morning pills, started the virus scan, blew up at Steve after he completely messed up the kitchen so that I couldn't make his breakfast or even a hot drink and discovered the letter that D said was guaranteed to be here before 11am yesterday but never turned up might have gone to a different address if she didn't put in the full address I sent her.  Then Steve said he'd put his dad's tomato plants on the doorstep so that I could drag them into the kitchen, but he held them up at his chest height (he's a foot taller than me) so I had to stretch up to full stretch to take them off him and he let go before I'd taken a proper hold so they dropped to the floor.  I dragged them into the kitchen and I really have had as much as I can take now.  I've got enough pills to take together which is feeling like an increasingly good move right now, but Steve wouldn't have anyone to blame everything on then.

I really can't cope for much longer, I really can't.

Tuesday 25 May 2021

Already over half way and...

...I've discussed getting a Morrisons mid-week delivery pass with Steve and we are both happy with them so when I can afford it, we'll get a mid-week pass and get half of our monthly delivery slots free... if we decide on the yearly mid-week one then it's less than half the price of a 6 month any time pass, so if the monthly trial goes OK, then I'm thinking we'll go with a year-long mid-week pass so that we can have the full budget of food every week instead of only being able to go £1.50 over the minimum basket thing.

The half way bit I said about in the title of this post is that after only 2 days I'm already over half way to the minimum amount of care for the week 'cos I've cared for my carer for 18 hours and 28 minutes already this week, so only another 16 hours and 32 minutes to go again before I'm at the 35 hour weekly threshold.  My carer has got a regular medical appointment tomorrow, so that'll likely be the 6 hours and 32 minutes, then I've just got 10 hours of care to provide in four days, which'll likely be done in a single day or a day and a morning, considering I've got a medical appointment on Thursday morning too.


It's the weekly, deeper virus scan tomorrow, so won't be opening my email programmes until that's finished and backups are out of the way.  I've potentially got another book to read and review, assuming the author agrees to me not taking the review down if they don't like it.  It's too late to save it to read tomorrow now though, so might be a Friday job to take me into the weekend... I'll be glad when the weekend finally gets here this week❗  😌


Did my exercises a couple of hours ago, so hopefully that's made me cream-crackered enough to fall asleep quickly without spending forever tossing and turning after climbing the stairs having woken me up.  I charged up my FitBit too, so that'll hopefully keep me going until Friday morning at least... I just hope it's got enough battery power to last me while I'm at the doctors again.  Apparently I've still got to eat another 80 calories to meet the daily minimum but our lunch has totally stuffed both of us so I ain't gonna eat or drink anything else before the morning now.

I'm heading to beddy-byes now, so I'll say goodnight to you all and I'll see you all at some point tomorrow.

Easier said than done, but...

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I was wrong, I'm sorry

In the previous blog post I said I would be making toast for Steve.  I was wrong and I'm sorry for my mistake.  We've got 10 bananas and a bag full of wonky pears to get through first, so that's breakfast (and potentially lunch, if my carer doesn't fancy cooking again) sorted.

I was also wrong about D - her message was just saying goodnight to me last night and reminding me about the letter that I'm expecting today, so I'm gonna have a couple of bananas for breakfast then make a start on the three sets of news.

I give up!

I put the emersion heater on last night ready for my bath on Wednesday, in preparation for Thursday's in-person medical appointment.


I told Steve, so he knew full well that there would be warm water for the next two days.  He also knows that a bath takes a full tank of hot water, based on my last two baths.


I woke up this morning with the emersion heater going which meant someone had been using the hot water.  Steve.  Again.


I came downstairs and he was getting washed in the kitchen sink so I asked him if he'd used the hot tap.  "Yeah, why?" he asks, so I explained again that I needed a full tank of hot water to half fill the bath.  "There's still plenty left for you for tomorrow 'cos I've only used a [kitchen] sink full that'll be replaced by the morning" he replies.  Yeah, when he has another wash ready for his medical appointment and there's no way that there will be a full tank of hot water in 5 hours, so I'll be left with yet another tepid bath or having to boil the kettle to get any kind of warmth at all.

I'm gonna fill the bath up with the last remaining dregs of hot water then get Steve in to feel the temperature to see just how little hot water he leaves me with, then I'll leave the emersion off until I have my 6-weekly shower (so that I can wash my hair before it gets cut) and just boil the kettle to fill the bath up to get a very shallow but hopefully warm bath each time I've got a medical appointment or we're going to see Steve's family (we haven't been to see my mum since August 2010 - nope, not a typo, it really has been over a decade since I last saw her).

Steve is my carer but not only does he do buggar all to deserve that title (and I've got spreadsheets to prove just how little he actually does a week) but he's selfish too, and doesn't think twice about blaming me for things that are his fault but taking all the credit for the things I've done right that he's had buggar all to do with, like sorting out the recycling, paying for the groceries - we got a pack of 24 toilet rolls yesterday, so took them off next weeks order and the £7 I saved was spent on a 1.4kg meat lasagne for Steve as well as garlic bread and salad because it was a £7 meal deal, but apparently I'm the selfish one.  It's a huge blow-out if I get £4 of stuff for myself, but Steve's stuff that I can't have either because it's not suitable for vegetarians (like his lasagne) or it's got an allergen in (like the garlic bread) is well into double figures each week - usually around £12 but next week is gonna be approaching £20 and if the groceries go over budget then it's my limited stuff that gets taken off.

Steve got 6 bottles of lemonade with yesterday's groceries, but still decided to have one of my bottles last night so he's still got 6 bottles for the next six days and I've got 2 less already (I brought in a bottle for myself this morning) and I can guarantee that Steve'll be wanting at least one more of my bottles before the end of the week too.

He seems to assume that my life insurance will go to him instead of the Dogs Trust too, even though it's me paying for it I don't get a choice about who gets the money when I kick the bucket.

I've taken my pills though and the virus scan is under way, so time to support D now, which I don't get any credit for either, then I'll have to make Steve's breakfast for him 'cos he won't do it otherwise, despite telling everyone that he makes all my meals but in reality only usually does two or three for both of us for the entire week.

I really have had enough of being taken for granted now.

Monday 24 May 2021

Just had the appointment and...

...I'm back up to 7.5mg again 😞.  


I don't get fully psychotic on 5mg, but there is a definite sense of paranoia which has always been my warning claxon for a psychotic episode.  She's gonna call again on 14th June to see how I'm doing back up on the increased dose again, but I'm feeling really disappointed that I couldn't keep it at the 5mg.  Maybe it really is the WKE that's causing the psychosis rather than the MH stuff after all❓  At least I gave it a go, I just still need the extra bit for a while longer, seemingly 😔

I won't be weighing myself on a Monday for a while now, because...

...the battery in the scales has finally conked out and because it's not an AA or AAA battery, we've got nowt in the house to replace it with.  Maybe it's a message from either Gaia or the Green Man to stop me from getting obsessed with my weight and re-triggering my OCD❓

I've got a telephone appointment with a mental health nurse this morning, to see how I'm doing with the dosage reduction, so I wanna tell her about those couple of weeks of pure, absolute fury and to ask if the psychosis could be linked to my WKE as opposed to my depression which has pretty much completely disappeared now, but I've got the 5-HTP to use whenever my mood dips and that brings it back within a few minutes.  I read something online about Korsakov Psychosis is all so I'm wondering if that's what it is, rather than psychotic depression.  Steve said that I first started getting psychotic after the throwing up started too, so that's another thing I'm pondering.  If the MH nurse doesn't know then that's totally OK and I'll write to my GP and ask him or see if I should wait until I see the Neurologist for my memory.  I'm not trying to tell them how to do their jobs or anything like that, just trying to save them a bit of time and research and referrals and potentially money and stuff.

I've taken my morning pills, had me breakfast and run the daily virus scan (which was still clear, thankfully).  The rubbish and recycling have been picked up already, so I've just gotta wait for the call now.  Might make a start on the news so that I don't go nuts with boredom while I wait 😉

BBL... wish me luck with this morning's call please❗

Sunday 23 May 2021

About to head to bed, but...

...I've just done the maths and I've cared for my carer for 61 hours and 49 minutes over the last 7 days.  My carer has cared for me for 2 hours and 2 minutes over the same 7 days but apparently I don't do anything to support my carer and he does everything for me.


I'm off to beddy-byes 🛌 now, so this really is my last blog post of the day 😁.  Nite nite orl.  💤



I made Steve and I a hot drink without realising how close to pill-time it was, so I had the reminder on my screen before I'd even brought the drinks in!  I've taken my last pill of the day now though, and I'm about half way down my hot drink, so I can pretty much guarantee that I'll be awake in the early hours needing a wee now.


Gotta try and remember to ask the nurse tomorrow if my psychosis is part of my WKE or if it's a lingering MH condition 'cos I read that psychosis can sometimes be a part of one of the stages of the WKE but I'd always assumed that it was separate, so I've gotta try and remember to ask about that as well as asking if they can email me with the NHS URL that my GP told me about at the same time as Headway (who I'm still waiting to hear back from lol).  Other than those couple of weeks of absolute fury which I seem to have come out of the other side of now, I'm happy to stay at the 5mg for a while longer.


There's been a suggestion of possibly setting up a crit group for Scoobies in the South West for those writing chapter books and lower middle grade, so I've said that I'm interested as long as it's all done online... we shall see what comes of it though.

I managed to do all three sets of news today, which I'm feeling proud of 'cos I hadn't even looked at it after 6th May, but I quickly got back into the rhythm of it, so hopefully it'll be a bit quicker from tomorrow onwards.

I'm 21 minutes off caring for my carer for 10 hours today, which possibly explains why the three sets of news took so long to do.  Might not make it to the 10 hours today, but we shall see.  Judging by my current lack of tiredness it's gonna be a late night and he's just putting his legs up, so he's gonna be asleep soon, so I'll have to monitor his breathing, so might still stand a chance of hitting the 10 hours.  I've gotta work out the total for the week then, to make sure it's over the 35 hours, which it should be pretty comfortably I reckon.

Dunno if I'll make another blog post before I head to bed tonight, so I'll say nite nite to you all and I'll see you all at some point tomorrow hopefully.

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23rd May 2021

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As I predicted yesterday...

...I asked my carer to do one thing for me (make me a bottle of squash) before I came downstairs this morning (so 11½ hours) and he said he would.

I stupidly believed him.

Came down at 6.32am to find the still-empty bottle where I left it, which meant that I had to struggle to do it myself ('cos I'm a short-arse).  Again.

My carer has had plenty of opportunities to care for me this week, but has spent literally a couple of minutes sorting out the techy thing for me yesterday, another couple of minutes arranging Thursday's medical appointment for me, he's cooked for both of us 3 times this week and he lifted the recycling boxes down and put them in the middle of the kitchen, then took the food waste caddy and rubbish sack to the hall for me.  That's literally all he's done all week which I reckon (without checking) adds up to under 3 hours in the last 6 days, so it's impossible to care for me for the minimum of 35 hours (so over 32 hours left to go) in the next 15 hours.  Even if he spent every second caring for me between now and when I go to sleep tonight, he'd still be over 15 hours short!!  He's my carer and he does everything for me though, apparently.

Time to take my morning pills then make my carer's breakfast for him, then I can do my exercise and the news again, for the first time in two weeks.

The virus scan is under way, so hopefully that'll be clear.

I'm pondering on going back to the loooong, once a day blog posts for a while but I'd love your opinions before I do it, so pretty please leave me a comment on this post to let me know your thoughts on the idea?

Saturday 22 May 2021

Just taken my last pill of the day and...

...Steve's edited Monday's grocery shop - the total is £44.18 including delivery, but over £15 of it is stuff that is just for Steve, compared to my £3.20, nothing new there, but if something gets added tomorrow I can almost guarantee that it'll be something of mine that comes off and Steve's already claimed at least one of my current bottles of pop as his own tomorrow 'cos he'll finish off his pop overnight and won't want to get himself water or a hot drink or anything like that, but I bet it'll be my pop that's removed tomorrow if necessary.  That'll be the third week on the trot if it happens, but Steve is expecting me to be proud of him for saving a few pennies by having lemonade instead of cola this week.

I've asked him to make me another bottle of squash ready for the morning too, but I bet he'll deny it.

I'm gonna go and grab a bottle of pop for myself and I'll bring one in for Steve too, so that he doesn't need to move off his chair unless he needs a wee overnight.

Not a happy bunny.


Just before I forget, I've cared for my carer for 7 hours and 32 minutes so far today, but I'm gonna head to bed soon.  Fancy having a look at my blood pressure reading before I sign off for the night?  It's 115/70 whatever that means.

This might be my last blog post until the morning, so I'll say nite nite 2 u orl just in case.  See you back again tomorrow I expect, though  😊

That's my last pill of the day taken, just got my evening pill to go now

Just taken my Calcium and decided against doing my exercises until my lunch has "gone down" a bit, just in case it makes me nauseous.


We're having fried eggs and chips for lunch, so I'm hoping that'll be enough calories to take me into the red with my calories again.  I'm just relieved that I ate 6,824 calories on Wednesday, to hopefully even todays lack of calories out a bit, ready for when I weigh myself on Monday.


It's 12.36pm and...

...I've already cared for my carer for 5½ hours today, so I reckon it'll be at least another 5 or 6 hours this afternoon which'll be another double figures day total, but I'm not the carer and I do bugger all to care for/support him, apparently.


I've taken my morning pills, updated my navigation page with even more courses that I wanna do and didn't know they existed until I had a look this morning and they've significantly reduced their prices too, so they are much more affordable now and I think you can still use my name (Amanda George) and email address ( to get another discount on your first purchase with the New Skills Academy now, but I can't guarantee it cos I can't remember if I got an email off 'em to say they weren't offering it any more, or if I was just dreaming a very real dream... gotta be worth a try though, right?


Steve's just asked me to get the chips (aka "fries" for my American readers) out of the freezer and my stomach is wondering if my throat's been cut after not having much (as in 8 biscuits) food this morning so that Steve could have breakfast for the next 3 days.

After I've got the chips out I'm gonna put my laptop on the floor and start on my exercises, legs permitting.  The virus scan updated this morning and caused a few technical issues for me, but they seem to be sorted out now, thankfully.

Time to publish this then go and sort out our lunch.


Friday 21 May 2021

Literally just scraped through with...

...a pass, first time.

The passing score was 70% and I scored 70% which was a relief.

I've just done my exercise to try and reduce my huge thighs so I'm well and truly wiped out now.

I've got a busy week next week - 2 medical appointments (for my prescription reduction review on Monday then again on Thursday for my weight and blood pressure checks), then the groceries delivered in the afternoon, then I've gotta stay in to wait for a letter to be delivered that needs to be signed for on Tuesday, Steve's got his medical appointment on Wednesday so I've gotta stay around to answer the door to him when he comes back and in case the phone or door goes while he's out/asleep and wait for my weekly virus scan and backups to finish off, then the second medical appointment on Thursday, so I'll only have 3 days to recover before it all starts again the week after!

I've taken all of my pills every day so far this week, so just gotta remember tonight's tablet then each of 'em at the weekend and I will hopefully have a totally empty pill box for the first time in at least a couple of months!

Time to get ready for taking my evening pill now.

Virus scan finished, my carer's breakfast and his first hot drink sorted, pills taken and...

...I've already cared for my carer for over 3 hours today.  I told him that I wanted to study today and asked him to stay awake in case the phone or door went, but less than a minute later he was snoring away again, so today is gonna be yet another day that I won't be able to study because I'm caring for my carer.



Y'know what?

I am gonna study today, 'cos I've already done the minimum amount of care this week, so my carer can sod off until Monday now.  I'm gonna plug my headphones so that I'm not disturbed and spend all day studying.  It's time I did things for myself without feeling guilty, so that starts right now.


My carer has gone back to sleep but tough luck, he's had more than 35 hours of care out of me already, so he can care for himself for the rest of the day now.


Thursday 20 May 2021

Under 3 hours for the rest of the week...

...which I reckon will be done well before lunchtime tomorrow, then every other caring minute is overtime, but apparently I do bugger all to care for my carer.


Heading to beddy-byes now 'cos I'm totally cream crackered.  Back again in the morning, but until then, nite nite orl  👋 💤


Feeling really proud of myself now!

I've just checked my credit score and it's increased by 74 points in the last 30 days, so it's now just about in "good" instead of "fair" like it previously had been.  I've done absolutely nothing differently in the last 30 days so I haven't got a clue why it's jumped so much in the right direction, but I'm sooo relieved that it has!  Just gotta keep on moving in the same direction now, but I haven't got any credit cards or loans and I just scrape through without using my overdraft each month, so if I just keep on doing that then hopefully it'll keep on increasing slowly but surely!

I've made my carer's breakfast and already finished a can of ginger beer.  My breakfast consisted of a single slice of bread - not toasted or spreaded, just a single piece of bread so that my carer could have his breakfast.  I've been down here for 3 hours and have received bugger all care so far today.  I cared for my carer for 5 hours and 39 minutes yesterday and my carer did 27 minutes of care for both of us combined all day (he cooked lunch) instead of the minimum of 5 hours a day he should be doing.

I've taken my morning pills and taking the Calcium in the afternoon, instead of at the same time as the Iron is already having a (positive) noticeable affect on how I feel when I take it each morning... kinda like the Iron and Calcium aren't fighting with each other now?


The virus scan was still clear 👌 so might even risk studying a longer course in between caring for my carer... can't guarantee it, but nothing else is happening today so my morning is clear now, so I'll hopefully be able to make a start on it at the very least.

Gonna go and do my exercise now, before I forget, and hope that it doesn't mess my stomach up too much.

Wednesday 19 May 2021

That's the Calcium taken and...

...the virus scan finished, so I can start the backups now.


We've got a huge thunder and lightning and hail storm shaking the house atm which immediately set my alarm bells ringing 'cos I don't like having my laptop plugged in when there are storms in case the lightning strikes and fries my hard drive, but it only lasted 15 minutes so my paranoia is calming down now and I'm gonna make a start on the backups while I'm finishing off a survey then I'll create the restore point and load up my email programmes for the first time in about 16-ish hours, then hopefully have enough time to study at least one short course this afternoon.


The 5-HTP has completely stopped this mornings anger somehow and I'm back to my normal self again now, so I've gotta remember to take one next time I feel the anger building as it seems to help with my anger as well as my depression!

Gonna give my legs the day off with the exercise today... I've overdone it and don't wanna force my legs to do too much too soon, so I'll have today off, start again on Thursday and Friday and give myself the weekend off too so that my legs are still able to hold me up when I walk around the house.

Steve reckons we're gonna have cheese and onion mini rolls for a late lunch 'cos I won't be able to put my laptop on the floor, which makes a change from zoop and they are solid so will hopefully have more calories in 'em too, so that I can hopefully put more weight on 🤞 before the end of this month when I've gotta remember to make an appointment to have my blood pressure and weight checked again... bet I'll be the same weight again though, despite frequently eating at least triple what I burn lol

So far this morning, I've...

  • started the weekly virus scan
  • kept an eye on my carer's breathing while he slept
  • taken my morning pills
  • made breakfast for my carer when he woke up
  • reassured Steve that his dad hadn't forgotten his medical appointment
  • listened to Steve rant about his dad usually being early then getting in a tizzy for not leaving as early as he thought his dad would.


My weekly virus scan is underway so as soon as that's finished I'll start the backups and try and remember to do the restore point today too.


The anger is starting to bubble up again, so if I suddenly get ranty today, that's why 'cos I'm not allowed to rant on Facebook so that I don't worry Steve's family, I can't rant at my Steve 'cos he can't stay awake for more than a few seconds then he expects me to monitor his breathing in case his sleep apnoea kicks in, I can't talk to my mum 'cos she'll be gabbling on about how well my brother is doing, can't talk to D 'cos she's going through a bad time of things right now and I don't wanna take it out on C 'cos he's the only friend I see IRL so don't wanna upset him and totally cut of ties with everyone outside of Steve's family.  I'll try and remember to use the 'rant' tag so that you can avoid those posts if you want to, but I need to let the anger out before I kill myself.


Gonna pill-pop a 5-HTP to see if that calms me down a bit first though.


OK, that's one of 'em down the hatch so it'll hopefully start kicking in within the next few minutes... keep your eyes out for the 'rant' tag today though, especially if you're not in a good place either.

I'm pondering on studying today, but I wanna get control of my anger button first which might take minutes (now that I've taken the 5-HTP) or I might be giving it my all to not get angry publicly and worrying the in-laws again.  The anger is already subsiding, so hopefully that will give me a chance to study today even if I don't manage the whole course.  


Aksherly, I'd better leave off studying a longer course so that I don't have to stop studying and therefore prolly forgetting everything while I'm doing the backups.  Might do a shorter course instead so that I can hopefully get it finished and the certificate uploaded before I start on the backups otherwise I can see myself getting stressed out about that too.

Gonna try and remember to inclue an 'anger' tag on each angry blog post, instead of using the 'rant' tag, cos that's more descriptive and I'm not always angry when I rant.

OK, I've put the 'anger' tag onto this post, so keep your eyes peeled for that tag if you don't wanna read my absolute fury.  I'll prolly use it at the same time as the 'rant' tag, but it's the ones I tag with my anger that you need to keep an eye out for, especially if you're not in a good place or feeling vulnerable or emotional or whatever.

Tuesday 18 May 2021

Love books? Not sure which book to read or listen to next?

If you're in the UK, there's a new Audible podcast coming out that could be just what you're looking for.


For 10 weeks, Graham Norton is gonna be talking to/arguing with authors of various different genre books and recommending books for you to read/listen to next, that might keep you out of trouble and introduce you to new authors, books and genre's (for example, it was only earlier on this year that I discovered Memoirs)... maybe you could pick up a new type of book to get stuck into as well?


You can find out more about it here if you want?  


If it sounds like your kinda thing, then hit this link to sign up for a free trial of Audible and then away you go!  It's a free 30 day trial (unless you've already used a free trial on the same account and card in the last 12 months) and as long as you cancel it before your 30 days is up, you can get a feel for Graham Norton's podcast as well as any others that take your fancy, for free as long as you remember to cancel your subscription.  Obviously, if you find you enjoy the podcasts you watch then keep your subscription going (which'll cost you £7.99 a month), but I'm just trying to save you a bit of money until you've had a fair chance to test it out is all.

Totally done in now!

I've just done my exercise and the only time I'm gonna leave the sofa now is to go to the bathroom and then, after I've taken my pills, I'll go up to bed and hopefully zonk pretty much straight out, like I did last night.


My thighs are killing me, my knees are wobbly and my head's going "WTAF were you thinking just then?!"


I've put the Tuesday Fitbit image up on my homepage now, and I think the reason I was so knackered by the time I eventually clambered into bed, was 'cos Sunday was my best steps day and I managed the most steps since the puppy dog went to Rainbow Bridge (5th November 2020) yesterday too... only by about 500 but it was obviously too much on top of the new exercise too, so I think I pushed my body a touch too hard yesterday and it's making me regret it today.  I won't push it so hard for the rest of the week though, so it'll have a chance to recover.

That went significantly better than I was thinking!

The appointment today went significantly better than I was thinking.  They've already saved me £30 a month for the next 3 months on the electric alone!  Assuming I save that £30 I'll have £90 in the bank to pay off the debt in one chunk, which would be even better and if we can keep the electric at £145 a month after the 3 months too, that's over £350 a year saved that can pay off a huge chunk of our debt... I'd need to phone the bank to pre-authorise the payment though, so that it wouldn't be rejected first off.

That's a huuuuuge weight lifted off our shoulders now and Steve's cooking his lunch as I type this, so I'm gonna see how my stomach feels this afternoon then maybe try a couple of slices of spreaded bread and a pear or two out of the fridge for my lunch.

Steve's just come in with his burgers, so we'll see how my stomach reacts to the smell then take it from there.  He's just explained how to get the cheese to melt and apparently there were only 2 slices left so he had to tear each slice in half for his meaty burgers and made me feel sooo guilty for using so much of the cheese - even though literally all I had was less than half my little fingernails worth before it screwed me up, but apparently the lack of cheese for his burgers is my fault.  Again.

Time to go and spread a couple of slices of bread with the spread and bring a couple of pears in for my lunch too.  I'm pondering on making salad sandwiches for my lunch though, to give me a bit of flavour... dunno for definite yet though.

It's taken 18 years to be told it, but...

...apparently I was on a ventilator for a little while back in 2002/2003!  Steve said "they knocked you out good and proper for a few days" so I'm guessing that was as soon as I was rushed in on Christmas night 2002 and maybe I was able to see in 2003 without it?


I've known for about 15 years that I "spent time" in ICU and HDU but Steve can't remember the dates or for how long, but apparently I'm still discovering things about my almost 3 months as an in-patient 18½ years later!


Already this morning I've...

...monitored my carer's breathing twice and made him breakfast, so I've already cared for him for over an hour and I've only been up for an hour and 20 minutes!  Gonna be another loooong day of caring, I reckon, judging by only having 16 minutes to myself since I woke up so far today.


Time for me morning pills and as it's a Tuesday, I need to take the FA too.  Steve's arranged for someone to come over at 11am and he seems to be expecting me to take her upstairs and into each room again while he stays down here watching the telly.  Again.


The virus scan has just finished so I'm hoping I'm still clear of nasties.  Hold on while I have a look and see...


Yep, still clear, so time to take my morning pills now... gonna take a 5-HTP as well, to see if that improves how I'm feeling, then I'll grab a can of ginger beer to settle my stomach.  Might leave the exercises until after the person has gone, so that I don't jiggle my stomach up too badly... you watch me forget though.

Gotta remember to put the Fitbit email report up on my site when I get it too.  I did just over 3,000 steps yesterday and not even a single one between midnight and when I swang my legs out of bed this morning, so I got into a bit of a flap that my Fitbit had died on me and decided that if it had, I'd just keep logging my food and water in the app until I could afford to replace it.  Thankfully it had recorded 133 steps by the time I got downstairs, so maybe I just didn't move enough for it to record steps in those 5¾ hours?

Monday 17 May 2021

27 minutes away from...

...8 hours of care today.


I'll be taking my last pills of the day when my Fitbit and fitness tracker/watch have finished charging up, then heading off to beddy-byes for an early night.


We've got someone coming over to assess our likkle 'ouse for a grant for central heating who is due over at 11am then we're hopefully having our lunch when she's gone (unless my carer changes his mind again) so that Steve can finish off the cheese that totally screwed up my stomach yesterday and we can both have the salad and tomatoes before they go off again.  There's a squeezy bottle of mayonnaise that we're both gonna try too... I just hope it hasn't got dairy in it otherwise Steve'll be having 6 burgers for lunch and I won't be eating anything for the rest of the day 'cos of the nausea it causes.

The reminder to take my last pill of the day has just popped up, so this is potentially my last post of the day.  I'll say nite nite to you all now, just to be on the safe side  😁

He was on the verge...

...of asking for yet another lone, only 12 days after the previous one, so it's starting again, just like I knew it would.


He's selling his Wisden books on Facebook and made me feel incredibly guilty about it.  He's after £130 and started on the sob story about how things "must have come out of my account early or late or something and it messed it all up 'cos it was all fine until then" which lead to the guilt trip about selling his books on Facebook, then going on about how "you can get a better deal as a new customer of Virgin, than I'm getting now even though I've been a customer for 20 years".


I'm fed up of him laying the guilt trips on me despite him still seemingly being able to afford his patreon memberships and pod casts and magazines and all sorts of other non-essentials, even though I'm left with £4 a month, as long as the groceries aren't over budget like they were today, so I've now got less than £1 to see me through to the end of May so I'm gonna have to take my few things off the shopping (8 bottles of pop a week, literally) to take it down to below £44, despite last weeks groceries being entirely for Steve.  Again.  I can pretty much guarantee that Steve'll add more stuff for himself to take it over £45 again next week though, despite knowing that I need to save money rather than spend it after the substitutions from the last couple of weeks.


I'm gonna go and sort out next weeks shop while I think of it and try and book a slot for 3 weeks time before I forget that too.


Cor lummy!

Decided to push myself this week and attempt deep squats instead of gentle squats 'cos the ones I'd been doing have given me great calves but not done anything at all for my thighs, which is why I started doing them in the first place.


I went significantly deeper and lost my balance several times, but that's why I do them in the hall - the front door supports me if/when I fall backwards and a wall each side of me in case I lose my balance to either side.


My legs and knees are killing me, I'm totally puffed out, my heart is hammering in my chest, but I felt it in my hamstrings rather than my calves today, so that means I'm using the right muscles to burn the fat now, right?

I've adjusted the spreadsheet so that it's showing between 100 and 200 now, rather than 200 and 350.  It's gonna take a while before I'm close to 200, but that's OK 'cos I'm gonna listen to my body and only increase the amount I do when my body has got used to the previous amount.  I'm aiming for 150 each morning to start with though.

So far today, I've...

  • Made my carer's breakfast 
  • Brought the recycling box and cardboard bag in
  • Weighed myself
  • Coded and uploaded the Fitbit spreadsheet
  • Refilled my pill box 'cos I forgot to do it again yesterday
  • Monitored my carer's breathing while he was asleep
  • Taken my pills
  • Made hot drink for my carer
  • Completed the virus scan and resolved an error that it found
  • Reminded Steve to phone the pharmacy
  • Checked my email, forum and Facebook
  • Supported and encouraged multiple people in the full knowledge that it's very unlikely they will support me when I need it
  • Tried to work out how to remove my 3-star review from Amazon that the author didn't like and explained that it was the number of reviews rather than the star rating that most people go by


Two of Steve's sarnie fillers were out of stock and the laundry powder was substituted with another one that was almost £2 more expensive, so I'll have to take things off for me on next week's groceries, 'cos there's no way that Steve'll take anything of his off.

It's only gonna be about 7 or 8 hours of care provided by me today I reckon, 'cos I've been up for 5 hours and only cared for him for 2 hours and 44 minutes so far today.

Gonna go and do my squats now.  BBL.

Sunday 16 May 2021

I shouldn't have doubted myself this morning

I'm about to head to bed, but wanted to do the weekly maths just to see how long I really do spend caring for my carer.


This week has been a particularly bad week, with all the reaction to my second Covid jab then the allergic reaction at lunchtime, so my carer has cared for both of us jointly for 2 hours and 12 minutes, while I have cared for him for 60 hours and 18 minutes. 

My carer claims credit for looking after me all day every day and he tells whoever will listen that he frequently cares for me for at least 10-12 hours a day, every day, when this week has proved that literally all he does is cook 3 meals and take the shopping from one side of his body to the other.  I do literally everything else.  To get Carers Allowance, you have to care for the person for 35 hours a week... I've almost doubled that this week, dispite feeling ropey, so imagine what I do on a rare good day!

Next week starts week 5 of me recording our daily support of each other, so I'll have a more accurate log of what an average month is like, 'cos I kept forgetting during the first week, but I'm into the routine of it now, so I'll keep recording it each time one of us cares for or supports the other and we'll hopefully have a more accurate record then.


Our internet connection has died 'cos Steve's video or podcast has stopped, but as soon as that's restored I'll publish this then head to bed.


Nite nite orl.  Sea ewe in the morning.


I was wrong in my last post, I'm sorry...

...this is why I try to avoid mental arithmatic as much as possible, it wasn't 52 hours and 18 minutes, it was 54 hours and 40 minutes, so I must have forgotten to add today's current time caring for him onto the rest of the week's care, which means I might just about sneak through the 60 hours this week, but if I do then it won't be by much 🙄🤣

Just done a bit of mental maffs and...

...up to the current time (1.23pm on Sunday) I've cared for my carer for 52 hours and 18 minutes so far.  Dunno if I'll care for him for 8 hours before I go to bed, but I'm pretty much guaranteed to make it to 55 hours, which is significantly more than the 35 hours a week you need to do to be classed as a carer.


That's Steve's lunch made

He's having cheese sarnies and I'm having ginger beer so that there's enough bread left for Steve to have his tea tonight, toast tomorrow morning and there's enough plastic cheese left for our burgers on Tuesday.  I'm pondering on leaving the cheese off mine though, 'cos a tiny sliver of the plastic cheese, that was literally less than half the size of my little finger nail has totally screwed up my stomach now, so there will hopefully be enough bread and cheese left for Steve's sarnies tonight and bread for his toast tomorrow.  Me?  I'll be surviving on the ginger beer again.

The amount of care that we have provided for each other so far today is:

My care of Steve:  5 hours and 22 minutes

Steve's care of me:  Not even 1 minute

5 hours and 8 minutes already, and it's not even lunchtime yet

It's currently 11.56am and I've already cared for my carer for 5 hours and 8 minutes this morning, which means there are less than 4 hours of care left for today before I reach 60 hours of care in 7 days.

Judging by how long I've already cared for my carer this morning, I'm guessing it'll be yet another day with over 10 hours of support.  For the fourth time this week.  But I'm not his carer and apparently do buggar all to support him.  Strange that, considering I've been keeping a record of times that we've cared for each other for the last 4 weeks and my carer is yet to reach double figures of care a week yet I care for him for at least 50 hours a week, despite not being considered to be his carer.

So that we'll be having more than just biscuits for lunch, I'll use up the plastic cheese from last week for Steve's lunch and just have toast or bread for my own lunch.

He says he does porridge for us every morning and cooks lunch for us every day, yet we haven't had porridge for at least 6 weeks and he's only cooked 3 times this week, for an average of 30 minutes per meal, yet he wants all the credit and support for being my carer.

I pay for the electricity each month and groceries each week, but my carer gets credit for that too despite the money coming out of my account and me apparently not doing enough to support him 😠  After all the bills coming out and assuming there aren't any substitutes with the groceries, I'm left with £4 in my account each month, yet Steve is a patreon/supporter of at least 3 or 4 podcasts at a cost of at least £4 a month each, but I'm selfish for needing to borrow a fiver literally from Friday to Monday just so that I don't go overdrawn.  


He owes me £2,025 which he's been promising to pay back, yet complains about lending me a fiver for literally 4 days a month.  I bet that he'll say he paid for my credit cards when I was struggling with the payments, but I've paid him back several times and I've taken another £1,586.90 off what he owes me to cover it yet again on 5th May 2021, so I've got proof next time he brings it up 'cos it's in a spreadsheet, along with the dates and amounts of everything I've lent him since 2020 alone.  The amount that I've taken off covers over a years worth of minimum payments to all my credit cards combined and there's no way he paid for them for that long❗  I'm not denying that he helped me, but only for maybe 2-3 months, which is an absolute maximum of £400, so I've paid him back over three times the amount he actually paid and I've paid it back multiple times too.

I'm basically an unpaid carer and bank that doesn't charge interest to anyone (Steve's not the only one I've lent money to), seemingly.

Time to go and make Steve's lunch now, so I'll BBL.

I've been awake for 3.75 hours and already achieved quite a lot

So far today I've:

  •  Completed the daily virus scan
  • Taken my morning pills
  • Made Steve's breakfast and 2 hot drinks for him
  • Cared for my carer for very nearly 3 hours
  • Taken the rubbish and recycling out.  Alone.  Again.
  • Tried to study a course, but soon gave up after my carer fell asleep again so I had to monitor his breathing.

I asked my carer what we were having for lunch and his reply was "biscuits 'cos I can't be arsed to cook.  Sorry" which means that he won't be caring for me at all today, so I can almost guarantee that the total weekly care for both of us combined by my carer is 2 hours and 12 minutes including him cooking our three hot meals for us, yet I've already cared for him alone for longer than that so far this morning, let alone the last 6 days, but apparently I'm not his carer and I do nothing to care for or support him.

Gonna finish off my glass of water (there's not enough coffee left in the jar for us both to keep having decaf coffee, and I've already had my 2 mugs of caffeinated coffee that I'm medically allowed each week) then do my exercise, upload it to my website then read and reply to emails and Facebook, seeing as how my studying plans for today have already gone tits up.

Saturday 15 May 2021

11 hours 6 minutes today, so now...

...I'm off to bed. 

I've already cared for my carer for over 50 hours in 6 days, so I'm pretty much guaranteed to hit at least 55 hours tomorrow, if not 60, but apparently I don't do anything to support him, yet he gets credit for being mine and proudly tells people that he does everything for me for no reward and how I don't appreciate it, but in the last 6 days, he hasn't cared for me at all, just the things for both of us for more than a couple of hours total, yet he expects me to do that for him and he says I don't do anything at all to support him.  Total and utter bollox in reality.

I've been awake for almost 4 hours, and I've already...

...made Steve's coffee and breakfast, taken my morning pills, completed the virus scan (still free of nasties, thankfully), cared for my carer for 3 hours 11 minutes and supported a friend so now it's time for me to read and review that book... hope it's a good 'un!

Friday 14 May 2021

10 hours and 46 minutes today, which is...

...even longer than Monday was (10 hours and 5 minutes), so I'm well over the 35 hours of minimum care, but apparently I'm not a carer.  So far this week (Monday to Friday) I've cared for my carer for  41 hours and 12 minutes, so there's under 8 hours to go to reach the 50 hours I was guessing at this morning.  My carer, OTOH, has cared for both of us combined (3 meals and moving the groceries from one side of his body to the other is literally all he's done all week combined) for 1½ hours in 5 days, yet he's registered everywhere as my carer.

Not a happy bunny tonight.  😞

I'm off to beddy-byes now, so I'll say nite nite 2 ewe orl now - see you all at some point tomorrow, prolly with either another rant about the support I'm giving/receiving and/or a glimpse at my morning achievements.

Got a children's book to read and review tomorrow, which'll hopefully keep me out of trouble for a few hours  😉

Nite nite orl 💤


To give him credit... carer is cooking our lunch as I type this, so it'll be a total of 1 hour 2 minutes of care he has provided this week, not the "constantly caring for her" that he tells everyone.  I'm grateful that it's over an hour this week though, so I won't complain!


We're having vegan sausage rolls and onion rings for lunch 'cos my carer was too hungry for just the sausage rolls, so he's having the vast majority of onion rings to fill him up, on top of his 5 slices of toast this morning.  Need to remember to put it all into the FitBit app after I've had it too... need to wait and see how many onion rings I have first though 😉


Just had my reminder to take my lunchtime pill, so I'll publish this, put my laptop on the floor, take my pill then go out and grab my lunch  😋



Breakfast sorted, virus scan completed, pills taken, forum sorted, Windows updates installed... the rest of the day is mine now.  


Steve said we were having the Vegan sausage rolls for lunch 'cos they were delivered with the box already open and I don't wanna lose even more money, so we'll be having those for lunch.

I'm pretty sure the morning nausea was/is 'cos my stomach was empty when I had my jab and it seems to have affected me with the nausea each morning, until I've had something to eat, but when I have a couple of slices of bread at around 4-4.30pm I'm fine the next morning, so maybe my body is telling me that it wants to eat something light-ish for tea every day?

It's not even lunchtime yet, but I've already cared for my carer for well over 4 hours today, so it's gonna be another loooong day of care, possibly close to the 10 hours I did on Monday?  I've already cared for him for over 35 hours this week, before Friday lunchtime, so I'm thinking it'll be another 50 hour week for me caring for my carer, and he's yet to do anything at all just for me.  He's spent less than an hour doing joint caring for the entire week combined, yet apparently he's my carer and I don't do anything as a carer for him.

Gonna go and do my exercise as soon as he wakes up so that I can safely stop monitoring his breathing while he's asleep.

Thursday 13 May 2021

5 hours, 27 minutes so far

Hit the 5 hours of care at 3.01pm so might be another 7 hours of care today, if not more, but apparently I'm not the carer and I do buggar all to support him.  So far this week, my carer has cooked two meals for both of us and swang the shopping bags from one side of him to the other without even taking a step, then literally all he did was closed the front door, went into the kitchen and lent on the surface, watching me put everything away.  I was already feeling ill and had asked for his help before the groceries arrived which he agreed to, but ended up doing less than normal instead of more, so I won't bother asking next time.

As of last night...

...I've cared for my carer for 24 hours and 50 minutes, which means I've only got 10 hours and 10 minutes to reach the minimum, which I reckon will easily be before lunch tomorrow.  Compare that to my carers 32 minutes of combined care up until I went to bed last night and that's what I've done for him so far this morning... but apparently I'm not his carer and don't do anything to support him.


I've completed the daily virus scan (still clear), so now it's time for my morning pills, making the first drink of the day and exercise when my stomach starts feeling better.

That's the morning pills all down the hatch but my stomach is a touch more messed up now, but that's OK, I'm used to it now 😉

Our internet connection died, so Steve phoned up to find out what was going on and they advised him to switch the router off at the mains, which he did and everything's fine again now, seemingly.

I've taken Steve's clothes out of the washer-drier and started the next load, so now I'm gonna go and make him a drink.  Again.  Bet he only drinks half of it again, too❗

Wednesday 12 May 2021

I've cared for my carer for over...

...3 hours so far today, and that's not even including his medical appointment this morning.  I'm keeping an eye on his breathing while he's asleep (again) so I should be able to hit the minimum of 5 hours of care, compared to my carer's absolute zero support in any way, shape or form so far today.  He's cared for both of us for a grand total of 38 minutes so far this week.


Been downstairs for 2 hours 19 minutes and in that time I've...

...spent 2 hours and 4 minutes caring for Steve so far.  The other 15 minutes was spent making my breakfast and going for a wee.  I asked Steve if he fancied breakfast too, but he'd fallen back to sleep by the time I'd finished the question, so I stayed in here until he woke up naturally again before I went to make my own toast.


I've taken my morning pills, set the virus scan running and apparently I'm having instant soup for lunch because it's Wednesday, so I hope it stays in my stomach 'cos it'll be the first thing I'll have had that wasn't bread or chips since Thursday lunchtime.


When Steve wakes up again I'll go and do my exercise then make us both a drink even though apparently I'm not the carer of the two of us 🤷


Tuesday 11 May 2021

5 hours 15 minutes now and I've been...

...treated to my first solid non-bread meal since Friday and been able to keep it down so far.


I will, in theory, be able to have toast for breakfast tomorrow 'cos Steve's asked his mum to get us some more spread, squash and some crystalised ginger to try and boost the ginger beer so that I can slowly start re-introducing solids to my diet again. We had fries for a late lunch after Steve got home from his jab and they haven't messed me up, so I'm just gonna take things really carefully now and start experimenting with other bland food for the next little while and I'm hoping things will be back to normal by the time the weekend rolls around.

The weekly virus scan starts tomorrow, so I've gotta remember not to open my email software until that and the backups have finished, so might cautiously try some instant soup and bread for lunch, same as every Wednesday... I'm just gonna be cautious for one more week then hopefully next week will be back to normal again.  Need to remember to try to eat a couple of slices of bread/toast at around 4pm tomorrow to see if that eases my morning nausea, in case it's stomach acid that has been making me feel ill until I eat each morning.  Just gonna take things really slowly and gently while listening to everything my body tells me while I'm recovering and not do too much, too soon.

24 minutes away from...

...5 hours of care for my carer so far today, whereas my carer has provided me with seconds as opposed to minutes of support today.


Not even lunchtime yet, but I've already...

...spent getting on for 4½ hours caring for my carer already today and all my carer has done for me is filled up a single glass of pop that took under a minute to do.


However, I've taken my morning pills, completed the daily virus scan (still free of nasties) and had 4 slices of bread so that I can save the spread for Steve - again.  My carer said we were gonna finish off the fries for lunch and I'm gonna try eating a couple of slices of bread at around 4pm-ish to see if that settles my stomach when I wake up tomorrow... if it does, then the morning nausea is caused by stomach acid which is an easy fix as long as I remember not to eat too late otherwise I'll feel sick when I go to bed.


Monday 10 May 2021

I'm gonna have an early night tonight, 'cos...

...I think I deserve it after spending 10 hours and 5 minutes caring for my carer today and he's only cared for me for 3 minutes when he swang the grocery bags from his right side to his left between 1.57pm and 2pm today, that's the full extent of his care today, but I've already done almost a third of the entire week in about 14 hours.


But apparently he's still my carer.


That's the groceries sorted for another week

The deliverer came literally 3 minutes early and bagged up our groceries for us, which Steve took from the doorstep to the other side of his leg, then I took all the bags through to the kitchen and put the fridge and freezer stuff away along with Steve's pop and I'm feeling incredibly ill as a result now.

Managed to take my Calcium and put the pill box away literally seconds before the groceries were delivered though.  I'm gonna be living on 4 cans of ginger beer and 2 slices of dry (un-spreaded as opposed to old) bread a day for the next week, 'cos I haven't got any pop and there are only 3 loaves of bread instead of our usual 4 and Steve complained about how much spread we'd used in the last week, so Steve'll be having his usual 4 slices spreaded toast each morning and sandwiches in the evening, yet I'll be lucky if there's enough bread for me to have 2 slices of bread a day and Steve wonders why I don't each much.

To give him due credit...

...Steve really did call up about the electric thing that was due to happen on Thursday and rearranged it for next Tuesday (a week tomorrow) instead.


Thank you Steve!


Over 3 hours so far this morning

I've cared for Steve for 3 hours and 8 minutes so far this morning and he's cared for me for 4 minutes.  I've asked him to postpone the electric thing on Thursday and I've sent him a text message requesting it too, so he can't say I didn't.


I've refilled my pill box 'cos I seemingly forgot to do it yesterday then took my morning pills, finished off the virus scan, weighed myself, sorted out the Fitbit spreadsheet, then uploaded it and brought the recycling boxes in.  Just waiting for the rubbish bag to go then I can bring that in and do Steve's breakfast for him when he wakes up so that I can find out how many slices he wants.


All the groceries are in stock this week, so Steve'll be able to eat and I'm hoping there will be enough bread for a couple of slices of bread and spread each day next week.

I got my calculations soooo wrong last night lol

For some reason the minutes add up to 22 hours, so I've worked out each days total hours and counted those up instead of the minutes, which comes to a much more realistic 44 hours and 42 minutes of care for Steve last week instead of the 122 hours I calculated it to be lol  It's 9 hours over the minimum care required, yet Steve only cared for me for 1 hour and 18 minutes instead of the 35 hours minimum he says he does each week.


I'll keep a much more accurate record of the care we provide for each other this week which'll hopefully give us a more accurate record for our benefits claims next time.

Sunday 9 May 2021

I'm about to head to bed for an early night, so I've done this week's sums and discovered...

 ...that this week alone, when I've felt particularly ill because of the jab on Friday afternoon, I've spend 122¼ hours (not a typo, 'cos I've cared for him for 7335 minutes this week) between 6.23am on Monday and 3.03pm today (Sunday) compared to my carer's 1 hour and 18 minutes.  He's supposed to care for me for 35 hours a week, yet his weekly total isn't even approaching the first day's worth of care (which averages out at 5 hours a day, 7 days a week) let alone a full week's worth of care.


I'm hoping to make an even more accurate record next week, instead of just recording the longest things like I did at the start of this week and next Sunday (a week today) will be 4 weeks of me recording, so we'll find out how much care I actually provide and receive, compared to how much my carer says he does for me.


Nite nite orl.  Sea ewe 2morro.


Our "big freezer" is now...

...almost completely empty of old frozen food.  


There are literally 2 boxes of something or other that I couldn't safely reach (because I'm a short arse at 5 foot tall) without falling in and I discovered some frozen home-made butternut squash soup that Steve's mum made for us at least 2½ years ago, ASDA stuff that's at least 3 or 4 years old and all kinds of pizza's and pies and ready meals "from that time when I couldn't be bothered to cook" according to Steve, so I reckon that's easily £100 of wasted food in 3 bin bags, wasted, yet again.

I can take the vegan sausage rolls off tomorrow's groceries though, 'cos Steve's gonna have one of our current boxes for his tea, then we've got another one in the big freezer, an unopened bag of frozen veg with a use-by date of July 2021, the best part of a kilo of frozen peas in the little freezer, 3 packets of Quorn mince, meat-free meatballs and a family roast.  


When my body has recovered from yesterday's Covid jab we've got a Sunday roast with heaps of veg, pasta and meatballs, "Pig-Out" (vegan) rolls, chips and veg as well as at least 3 mince-using meals too ready and waiting to be used without spending any more money.  We've still got a pot of curry sauce to use which'll make a dent in our rice mountain, but we don't need to be so strict with how little freezer stuff any more... I just don't like wasting so much money on food that just gets binned.

It's currently 3.10pm and I've...

...spent 6 hours 50 minutes caring for Steve so far today, so it's gonna be another day of close to 10 hours of care for the carer when I'm feeling rough as chuff.  So much for caring for me all day, every day, doing everything for me eh?  My carer has done buggar all to care for me today too.

Lunch was a disaster for me 'cos...

...the egg messed my stomach up.  Not even a whole egg either, literally one piece that was about 1cm by about 5mm and about 1mm thick made me almost throw up, just like yesterday's toast.  I managed two slices of toast this morning, so maybe I just pushed my stomach too far, too fast again❓


I'm literally just 5 minutes of care less than the daily 5 hours for Steve then I've already cared for him for 5 hours today and like I guessed yesterday, I cared for him for over 10 hours by the time I headed to bed yesterday, so I'm almost guaranteed to hit 17½ hours (so an extra 50%) over the 35 hours of care a week budget this week and Steve hasn't even hit the 17 minute mark of caring for both of us combined this week - yet apparently he's my carer who does everything for me and spends all day every day caring for me, which is total bollox in reality.

Been awake for 4.5 hours and in that time I've...

...finished off my first can of ginger beer of the day, made Steve's breakfast, taken my morning pills, put the rubbish and recycling out, had breakfast and already cared for my carer for over 2.75 hours, which is already more than he's cared for me for the entire 3 weeks combined.  I'm also significantly over the 35 hours a week, by more than 11 hours already too yet I'm not considered to be a carer, but my carer spends a grand total of less than 15 minutes a week caring for me but gets all the recognition and credit for it.  I've been keeping a spreadsheet with the number of hours we care for each other and I very much doubt that my carer will have cared for me for an hour in the 4 weeks total by next Sunday evening.


Saturday 8 May 2021

That's my day-time pills all taken now, and the images and fonts sorted, soooo...

...the rest of the day is mine now.


I'm wondering if feeling the cold is one of the side-effects of the COVID-19 jab I had yesterday 'cos I was wearing two thin-ish layers so that the nurse could easily get to my arm before I went yesterday and I felt fine, but since getting home from it yesterday I can't seem to warm up and I've been on the verge of constantly shivering, even though the heater has been on full-blast since I got home and Steve's taken his top off and has been asleep all morning (and is now too) which is his usual reaction to being hot.  Even after putting on a thick jumper when I got home yesterday, I still haven't been able to warm up.

I'm gonna go and grab a couple of slices of bread and see what Steve wants for his lunch now, so I'll BBL.

Touch wood...

...I'm still not feeling too bad.  This morning's ickiness was 'cos I forced toast on my body waaay before I should have done... if I'd just stuck with un-spreaded bread then I would prolly have been fine, but I was making Steve's breakfast for him and stupidly decided to risk a couple of slices of toast.  It's four hours later now and I've sipped my way through 2 cans of ginger beer and I don't feel too bad now.  Not gonna take any more risks and go by my what my body is telling me, rather than the routine now.

I'm not gonna do anything other than read Facebook and my emails for the rest of the day and potentially tomorrow, but I'll take it from there then.  I'm feeling significantly better than I did when I had the first jab, so I'm not gonna rush things this time and I'll listen more to my body until I'm feeling properly human again.

I've taken all my morning pills, the virus scan was clear again and I'm just finishing off saving all the images on the CDs so that I can start using them on my websites and stuff.

So far today I've spent 5 hours and 34 minutes caring for Steve, despite feeling pretty rough, and Steve (my carer) has spent 2 minutes caring for me (getting me my first can of ginger beer), so I reckon it'll be getting on for 10 hours of care from me, but I doubt I'll get half an hour out of Steve by the time I head to bed tonight even though he happily tells people that he's my carer who spends all day every day looking after me and he's registered at both of our doctors surgeries as my carer too.