Wednesday, 19 May 2021

So far this morning, I've...

  • started the weekly virus scan
  • kept an eye on my carer's breathing while he slept
  • taken my morning pills
  • made breakfast for my carer when he woke up
  • reassured Steve that his dad hadn't forgotten his medical appointment
  • listened to Steve rant about his dad usually being early then getting in a tizzy for not leaving as early as he thought his dad would.


My weekly virus scan is underway so as soon as that's finished I'll start the backups and try and remember to do the restore point today too.


The anger is starting to bubble up again, so if I suddenly get ranty today, that's why 'cos I'm not allowed to rant on Facebook so that I don't worry Steve's family, I can't rant at my Steve 'cos he can't stay awake for more than a few seconds then he expects me to monitor his breathing in case his sleep apnoea kicks in, I can't talk to my mum 'cos she'll be gabbling on about how well my brother is doing, can't talk to D 'cos she's going through a bad time of things right now and I don't wanna take it out on C 'cos he's the only friend I see IRL so don't wanna upset him and totally cut of ties with everyone outside of Steve's family.  I'll try and remember to use the 'rant' tag so that you can avoid those posts if you want to, but I need to let the anger out before I kill myself.


Gonna pill-pop a 5-HTP to see if that calms me down a bit first though.


OK, that's one of 'em down the hatch so it'll hopefully start kicking in within the next few minutes... keep your eyes out for the 'rant' tag today though, especially if you're not in a good place either.

I'm pondering on studying today, but I wanna get control of my anger button first which might take minutes (now that I've taken the 5-HTP) or I might be giving it my all to not get angry publicly and worrying the in-laws again.  The anger is already subsiding, so hopefully that will give me a chance to study today even if I don't manage the whole course.  


Aksherly, I'd better leave off studying a longer course so that I don't have to stop studying and therefore prolly forgetting everything while I'm doing the backups.  Might do a shorter course instead so that I can hopefully get it finished and the certificate uploaded before I start on the backups otherwise I can see myself getting stressed out about that too.

Gonna try and remember to inclue an 'anger' tag on each angry blog post, instead of using the 'rant' tag, cos that's more descriptive and I'm not always angry when I rant.

OK, I've put the 'anger' tag onto this post, so keep your eyes peeled for that tag if you don't wanna read my absolute fury.  I'll prolly use it at the same time as the 'rant' tag, but it's the ones I tag with my anger that you need to keep an eye out for, especially if you're not in a good place or feeling vulnerable or emotional or whatever.

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