Saturday 31 July 2021

Just remembered to...

...scan in something that came with the post at about 11am today!  Very delayed, but better later than never, right?


I've taken my last pills of the day (didn't take my lunchtime one 'cos we were just walking out of the door when I usually take it) but only missing one pill (so far) a week is pretty good going I reckon, considering I pop seven or eight pills every day, so missing one single one at the weekend is forgiveable I reckon.  Just gotta remember to take all of 'em tomorrow to hopefully replenish my body's supply... missing one day won't do too much harm overall will it❓❓ 😕

I'm gonna shut down for the night now and give my body a chance to recover from the walking we did around the hospital today... please keep yer fingers crossed 🤞 that the Neuro gets the information he needs from it - I need to remember to ask him which part of my brain is damaged and how to support its recovery/make the best of the parts that are still healthy... you watch me forget though 😏

I'm off to beddy-byes now, so I'll see you all at some point in the morning.  Nite nite orl.

Back from the hospital now

Afternoon all.


I'm back from my hospital appointment now and I immediately got the soya chocolate milk on the go... it wasn't as strong or dark as I remembered though for some reason.


My hair reacted to the machine 'cos it's all frizzy now and I've got a headache in a very specific place that I reckon was the bit that they put over my head to stop me from moving.  As soon as the test started my body decided to get really itchy, typically, but because I had to stay perfectly still and one of the parts of the machine was completely covering my head and neck I couldn't scratch any of the itches.  


It's seriously dried out my lips as well, but it's over and done with again now though, so hopefully the Neuro will believe me like my GP now does after the one he sent me for before referring me to the Neuro lol


Time for an afternoon full of chocolate as a reward I reckon... I've had the soya milk so now it's time for the bourbon cream biscuits lol


That's a huuuge weight lifted off my shoulders for a little while

I've been appealing a legal decision for at least a year and I've had amazing support from my local CAB and the BLC.  The decision from the top decision-making judge has just come through the door and the decision was what we had been hoping for, and the appeal process starts again with all the previous decisions totally ignored so it's gonna take a lot longer again, but hopefully the new team will make the right decision this time.

I was sooo worried when I saw who the envelope was from (thanks to a stamp on the back of the envelope) but I'm sooo relieved that Steve persuaded me to open it and it's put me in a much more positive frame of mind now.

Hopefully it's an indication that today is gonna be a good day for me❓ 🤞

Just watered the tomatoes, updated Monday's grocery order and...

...carried on caring for my carer.  I've cared for him more this morning alone than he's cared for me the entire week so far and it's not even 9am yet.  I shouldn't complain too loudly though, 'cos he's cooked for us three times this week and he wants a Mugshot for his lunch when we get home from the hospital.  Just gotta remember to add the time Marie comes to pick us up to the spreadsheet so that it can be as accurate as possible.  


I'm guessing we'll be out for about an hour and I'm hoping he'll cook our lunch tomorrow which'll take this week's care by my carer up to about 3 hours whereas my care of my carer is already over 55 hours this week and climbing steadily.  It's averaged about 10½ hours of care each day so far, but today won't be anywhere near that much 'cos of going to the hospital.

Time to carry on reading and reviewing now, I reckon.

Mornin' all

I've had a pretty productive day so far, so I'm hoping that means today will be a good day.  So far today, I've:

  • run the virus scan
  • had a shower and washed my hair
  • got dressed
  • finished the virus scan
  • taken my morning pills
  • made breakfast for Steve
  • checked my email and forum
  • cared for my carer
  • taken our empty bottles of juice to the kitchen to be recycled

which ain't too bad going and it's stopped me from worrying about the MRI, which can only be a good thing, right❓

When my carer wakes up I'll go for a wee then carry on reading and reviewing yesterday's book 👍

Not gonna even look at the news today, I'll just read and review instead.

Friday 30 July 2021

For the second day on the trot...

...I've had my recommended 5 portions of fruit and my body was thanking me again.  I've always loved fruit and veg, but the preparation has always been frustrating and the speed it goes off is annoying, but my body appreciates having fruit every day (the more the better I reckon).


I reckon that we should definitely keep getting bananas with our main shop then see if my in-laws wouldn't mind topping us up if they do a top-up shop for us at the end of the week too.


Today's (30th July) lunch was...

...deep pan cheese pizza:

There may or may not be a photo of my lunch tomorrow 'cos of getting travel sick and the appointment being so soon after lunch, so it might just be the soya chocolate milk as my reward for getting through it, but if I have anything solid then I'll try and remember to take a photo of it for you all.

Had my bath, got dressed...

...signed up with another survey company and lunch is almost ready, so I'll hopefully remember to include a photo of it in my next blog post!


Gotta remember to charge my FitBit up this afternoon otherwise it'll stress me out when it doesn't record my sleep tonight 🙄


Gonna put my laptop on the floor in preparation for me lunch now.



Had a busy morning so far

Came down at 6am and immediately started caring for my carer while starting the daily virus scan.  When he woke up I made his breakfast and took my morning pills, finished off the virus scan and went out to water our tomatoes for the first time, before discovering that it had rained overnight and didn't need any more water.  Restarted caring for my carer until he woke up again, then made him a hot drink which he had 2 sips of before falling asleep again.

Steve edited Monday's grocery order and actually went through the checkout this morning, unlike yesterday 🙄  I've got a huge £7.10 on the shop 'cos I've put more soya milk and a cherry energy multipack to try and up my energy levels next week and I'm gonna have the soya milk as my reward tomorrow so that needs to be replaced.

The current breakdown of the groceries looks like this:

My stuff:  £7.10
Steve's stuff:  £18.19
Joint stuff:  £15.27

so Steve's stuff is still the most expensive, but nowhere near as bad as it has been recently - only £11.09 more than mine and under £3 more than the joint stuff for a change.

Time to make a start on sorting out the news now I reckon.

Before I forget again, I've decided to have a bath today and hopefully a shower tomorrow morning so that I can wash my hair before my MRI so that it doesn't get knotty and greasy before I go to the hospital tomorrow.

Thursday 29 July 2021

Well, that hasn't happened for a long while!

Oher than over Christmas/New Year I think I've achieved something today that has only happened maybe 1 or possibly 2 times before, so far this year...

...I've had my recommended 5 portions of fruit and veg today!


I know that may not seem very much to feel proud of, but I only usually manage a couple of portions so it's a big deal to me and my body is definitely thanking me for it!

If I wasn't saving it as a reward for getting to the hospital, having the MRI and coming back home without my legs giving way too often on Saturday, I'd have my soya chocolate milk as a reward, but that's a bit heavy for so close to bed time.

What do you reckon I should do tomorrow... bath to shave my pits and legs or shower so that I can wash my hair?  I'm thinking shower then shave my pits and legs after I've got dried off before I get dressed, but the bath will relax me and won't use up so much energy that I'll need for Saturday.  Maybe I should have a bath tomorrow then a shower first thing on Saturday so that I don't stink the Imaging department out?  Leave me a comment to let me know what you reckon I should do?  Please?

Wanna see what we had for lunch?

Courtesy of Steve, thankfully.  He's cooked twice today and is expecting "a letter from the Queen" (a direct quote) for doing it twice today, instead of just once.

Here's today's photo of our lunch:

The black specks are black pepper so that I don't get constipated which is how unpeppered eggs affect me - eewww! 🤣

I was wrong again this morning, sorry about that

Steve's just said to take the potato croquettes out of the freezer, so he really is making both of our meals today after all. 

Yet again Steve went back on his word

He promised that he'd water the tomatoes from now on, but I've been waiting for the best part of 2 hours for him to go out and do it but he couldn't be arsed again, so I've just had to do it despite his promises 13 hours ago.  Same as always.


Steve's already decided to go back on his other promise last night... he promised that we'd have scrambled eggs and potato croquettes as well as this morning's porridge but he's already decided that he's too tired to cook for lunch so it'll be down to me yet again.

Mornin' all

To give him credit, Steve really has just gone out to do our porridge, but I bet he'll need a poo and leave the rest of it up to me.  I'm gonna take my morning pills and put my laptop on the floor in preparation now, just in case I'm wrong.


The virus scan should hopefully be finished by the time I've had me breakfast too.



OK, that's my morning pills taken, so I'm gonna put my laptop on the floor now.  TTFN.

Wednesday 28 July 2021

Without any input from me...

...Steve's just said that he's gonna make us porridge for breakfast tomorrow, just like he said he'd do the scrambled eggs for lunch today, so you'll have to forgive me for not believing it until it's in front of me.


Tomorrow's two meals for me are apparently gonna be made by Steve and we'll apparently have porridge in the morning and scrambled eggs with potato croquette's for lunch.  I hate to be pessimistic, but I very much doubt that'll happen in reality... we shall see though.


I just wanted to put it in text straight away so that Steve can't deny it and come up with endless excuses again tomorrow.


Genuine question for you all...

...who am I?


Tell me who I am that doesn't involve caring or supporting or listening to or anything else for anyone else... tell me what I enjoy, how I feel, how to discover who I am and how to get to know the person I am that isn't based on anyone else.


I just don't have anything that's just for me - every single thing I do is for others and I don't know who I am as a person any more or even how do get to know that person.  I only know how to be what someone else needs - a listening ear, a bank, a counsellor, a sounding board... I haven't got a single person who is willing to do that for me even 1% of the time (ie 3½ days or 84 hours a year) and people wonder why I explode for a few minutes at the end of each year so their reaction is to tell me to bring it here to my blog.

Even the studying and MRI are for other people - the studying is so that I can add it to my CV and encourage others to study/improve themselves and the MRI is so that Steve can "yeah, her memory is cruddy because of her damaged brain" and so that I can put it onto my PIP claim so that he can get carers allowance for me again.

The writing is so that I can encourage children to enjoy getting lost in a book and my websites and blogs are for my visitors to feel less alone.

The surveys I do are for companies to get a glimpse of how they can move ahead of their competitors and I listen to the radio so that I can concentrate on helping everyone else.

I'm close to the edge, I really am, and I dunno how much longer I can cling on to the edge of the cliff ledge for 'cos my fingers are already slipping further and further off each day.

If you really care about me, please answer the question I asked at the top of this post, but it has to be something just for me instead of something that other people can use me for.

Just gone out to water the tomatoes and... of the tubs was on its side and had come completely away from the tag, so I had to pick the bloody thing up, reattach it then water at it.  I really have had it with them now and if it happens again then tough shit and it'll just stay on the floor until it dies and rots.


I've just said to Steve that as of now they are his responsibility and he's agreed to water them from now on and apparently I'm getting "too stressed out and het up about a couple of plants" which really didn't help to ease my anger at all, but that's pretty normal for him and I should be used to it by now.  I'm not doing any more watering or caring for any of the bloody plants out there now, but I bet it'll be my fault when they die even though the first I knew about it was when Steve came to the door with them.


Steve wants a bloody raised bed next time but I bet he won't look after any of those plants either.  Well I'm fed up of picking up on his agreements.  As of now I'm not doing any more watering and as of the start of this year, I'm only getting gifts for those who have got me gifts the previous year, with the exception of our two nephews, that's my mum and C so I'm gonna have a very cheap year this year.  My mum's already had her birthday and gift and C's is in October so I've got a few months to save up, and the only Yule gifts I'm getting are for those same four people too.

I'm also only gonna pay the £145 for the electricity too... if Steve agrees to more than that then he'll have to find the money himself.

I've got a serious stress headache and I've gotta take my last two pills of the day now, so that's what I'm gonna do, then head to bed as I was up at 4.30am and I've got someone coming over from Freegle in the morning so I've gotta be up in time for that too.

I'll be around until the side effects kick in and Steve wakes up enough for me to say goodnight to him, then I'm off to beddy-byes.

As predicted... carer doesn't feel up to doing our scrambled eggs for lunch, so it's "biscuits and vegan cakes for lunch today, but it'll definitely be scrambly eggs and croquettes tomorrow" which I won't believe until it's in the oven.


Time to get the bag of salad (for me), a packet of biscuits (for my carer) and the cakes (for both of us) courtesy of our eldest nephew and bring them in for us.


37 minutes away from...

...having cared for my carer for 5 hours so far today.  He's gone to his medical appointment now, so I can relax for an hour or so before it all starts again.

Steve said last night and again first thing that we'd have a bowlful of scrambled eggs each for lunch, but I'll believe it when I see it.

I made Steve his breakfast and I've brushed my teeth and drunk 1.5 litres today, while the deep, monthly virus scan was underway then while the back-ups were happening.  I started my day of caring at 4.30am and I reckon it'll be another late night before I go to bed again 'cos Steve'll want to talk about his appointment and then assume I'll care for him all afternoon.  Assuming Steve makes the scrambled eggs for lunch, it'll be about half an hour of care from him today, yet apparently he's my carer and does everything for me, including cooking all of our meals.


There's been a light drizzle of rain this morning, and it's due to be wet all afternoon, so I'll hold off on watering Steve's tomato plants until this evening so that I don't over-water and kill them. 

I've taken my morning pills so at least I can semi-function today on only 6 hours of sleep.

I'm gonna go and put the laundry on before I forget and Steve asks me to do it, even though it's entirely his clothes and has been for at least four weeks which is when I last had the opportunity to get washed and changed, yet Steve manages to do it every day.  I'm gonna go and put the emersion on so that I get a tiny amount of hot water for my shower on Friday, in preparation for my MRI on Saturday.

Early morning news on 28th July 2021

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28th July 2021

‘The absolute sweetest friendship’: Boy, 8, sells hog to help friend with cancer

Iranian judoka, Israeli coach record message about peace, friendship in sports

The Importance of Friendship

Unlikely Friendship? The Story of Eelgrass and Oysters

Russian Woman Makes Friendship With a Wild Bear, Now Both are Inseparable


Tuesday 27 July 2021

Wrong again! lol

Just managed to sneak over the 12 hours after all.  


The side effect from my last two pills of the day are seriously kicking in though, so I'm gonna start shutting down and head to bed.  I can pretty much guarantee that I'll be awake needing a wee at about 4am and if I'm right then I'll stay downstairs rather than going back to bed and potentially oversleeping.  I had a late start this morning and this is a late night for me, so I need to kick my body back into a more normal-for-me time to wake up and go to bed.

Nite nite orl.

I was wrong again earlier

First thing this morning I thought I'd just about hit 15 hours of care, then changed my mind at lunchtime and reduced it to 12 hours and now I'm reducing it again lol  I'm currently just over 10 hours and I've taken my last two pills of the day, so the side effects will be kicking in soon and I'll be heading to bed so doubt I'll even make 11 hours let alone 12 😯 lol

Mind you, I've had a doughnut for my tea so that Steve would have the other four before they went off, so I don't want to go to bed too soon or I'll be feeling sick and anxious about throwing up.


I'm charging my mobile phone up too, so it'll be about 8.30pm before that's finished, so hopefully that'll be enough time for the nausea to eff off and leave me in peace tonight.

Aksherly, if my sums are right and I do stay down here until my phone has finished charging, I might just scrape through 11 hours after all, which'll take the care so far this week to 24 hours after all.  Steve's got his regular medical appointment tomorrow, so it'll be a couple of hours less care, but I drank more than a couple of mouthfuls after 6pm, so my bladder might well wake me up at 4am again lol

The side effects have started to kick in, but my phone has still got 44 minutes to go and the doughnut hasn't settled yet either, so I don't wanna risk going to bed too soon and end up regretting it.

8 hours 42 minutes now

I was wrong about maybe sneaking up to 15 hours of care 'cos he was awake for longer than I thought this afternoon.  10 hours is still pretty much guaranteed but I reckon around 12 hours will be the maximum today after all.  It'll still be 24 hours of care in 2 days though, so will only need 11 hours to hit the minimum, but my carer will still need the best part of 35 hours to hit the minimum.  If I get 3 hours of care out of him for the entire week (bearing in mind I need him to come with me for my MRI on Saturday too) then that'll be a shock and over 90% less than the required minimum too.


I'm just clearing my caches ready for tomorrow's deep virus scan while my carer's in the bathroom.  I wonder which one will take priority - the Wednesday scan or the monthly scan?  Either way, I won't open my email programmes until it's finished and the backups have finished.


5 hours 38 minutes

My carer has just woken up and gone to make his lunch (I'm having the full bag of salad 'cos his cheese isn't in slices, so he's just having 4 burger patties in 4 buns instead now, so he's grumpy about that) so he's been asleep for 3 hours and 50 minutes since he had his breakfast and I've cared for him for 5 hours and 38 minutes so far today.  I doubt he'll be awake for much of the afternoon so it'll be 12 or 13 hours when I take my last pills of the day and depending on how quickly the side effects kick in, I might just about sneek in the 15 hours after all today.

My carer's estimated daily total?  Not even a single minute of care added to yesterday's care is 18 minutes of care so far this week and nope, that's not a typo, I really do mean minutes, not hours.  He's got 5 days left to care for me for 34 hours and 42 minutes though, so that's just under 7 hours a day, every day for the rest of the week to reach the minimum... reckon he'll manage it?  Nope, me neither.  


I've got my MRI on Saturday morning, so I might manage to squeeze a couple of hours of care out of him that morning, so it's only 32 hours of care for the rest of the week.  For the sake of my OCD, let's credit him with the extra 2 hours of care just in case there's a delay at the hospital or it takes longer than 90 minutes to do it.  That's 30 hours in 5 days which works out at 6 hours a day which he's never done, other than when I was rushed to hospital back in 2002 because I was unconscious.

He's just come in with his lunch... he's sliced up some of the block of cheese to use on his burgers and doesn't seem as grumpy as he was when he went out to do his lunch, which is good news I reckon.

I might go and slice up some of the cheese to go with the salad so that I can send my calorie count up a bit more.

Quickly approaching...

...4 hours of care this morning and it's not even lunchtime yet.  


Steve's having burgers with cheese and salad for his lunch and I'll be finishing off the bag of salad for my lunch again (that was my tea last night too).  If I get hungry this afternoon then I've got a high protein chocolate soya milk in the fridge which'll fill me up this afternoon.

I've booked a grocery slot for 3 weeks time and put toilet rolls and two more chocolate soya milks on it, but I can guarantee they'll come off waaaay before then so that Steve can add some stuff for himself.  I've got no problem with him adding stuff for himself, but when it comes to more than my stuff (usually just pop that he has at least one or two bottles of a week, which leaves me short) and the joint stuff, along with the delivery charge combined, it kinda makes me wonder why it's always mine or joint stuff that has to come on so that he can get something else for himself.

I've got some chocolate soya milk on Monday's order... it's pretty expensive at £1.50 per litre, but it stays fresh for at least two weeks and doesn't get wasted like a lot of Steve's stuff each week.  I've got some cherry Lucozade on there too, but I bet that'll be one of the first things to go too.

Current totals look like this:

2nd August order:

My stuff:  £7.10
Steve's stuff:  £19.15
Joint stuff:  £15.07

so it's a lot fairer on Monday.  Let's see what the week after is like:

9th August order:

My stuff:  £6.60
Steve's stuff:  £16.70
Joint stuff:  £17.76

so the joint stuff is the most expensive by £1.06 that week amazingly.  The third and final week looks like this:

16th August order:

My stuff:  £3.60
Steve's stuff:  £14.60
Joint stuff:  £21.88

so the joint stuff is over £7 more expensive that week which is how it should be and I much prefer this week's totals to our usual numbers!


As far as the caring goes, the daily total so far is 5 hours and 22 minutes, so we might be able to hit 15 hours of care today assuming my carer does what he's done so far today.  10 hours is pretty much a given now, 12 hours is very likely even if he cooks (he's having burgers and I'm finishing off the bag of salad) and 15 hours seems like a very real possibility.  


If we assume 12 hours of care today and add that to yesterday's very nearly 12 hours, that's almost 24 hours of care in 2 days and I'll only have to care for him for 11 hours tomorrow to hit the weekly total with still 4 days to go of the week, so doubling the 35 hours a week is looking like a distinct possibility, possibly before the weekend too... maybe even 75 hours again❓❓  Apparently he does everything for me and I do nothing for him though 🙄

It's lightly raining out there, sooo...

...I'm relieved I didn't water the tomatoes this morning and I might hold off on this evening's watering too, depending on how much rain comes down.  It's not hosing it down, but it's more than spitting too, so we shall see how long and heavy it comes down and take it from there.


That's 4 domains paid for another year

Just had an invoice for four of my domain names that I'd totally forgotten about, but they've been paid for another year now so that's one less thing to worry about now... I was wondering why I was able to put extra money into the electricity account this month but now I know lol

It's the start of a new day...

...and so far my hayfever is already getting on my nerves, I'm cold (the window is wide open and the fan is almost on full because that's what Steve wants) so I'm gonna go and put my cardi on when I've finished with this post, I've taken my morning pills and already cared for my carer for an hour, so I reckon today is almost certain to be double figures of care, maybe even 12 hours.

The back yard is weird... there's only parts of the concrete that have been rained on then very specific parts are bone dry!

My carer has just woken up, so I'm gonn... he's asleep again, so maybe I won't make his breakfast yet.  Time to get my cardi on though, before I start shivering again.

The virus scan has just finished and I'm still free of yucky things, so that's groove and cooly.

I'll hopefully get some editing done today, but that all depends on how much my carer sleeps today.


Monday 26 July 2021

Had a banana for my lunch and...'s seriously boosted my energy levels and overall awakeness really quickly!  Half an hour ago I couldn't have safely got off the sofa let alone walked anywhere, but now I'm more awake and less achey and more energy too... it's almost as good as the B12 but totally natural instead of having to spray it when I need a boost!

My carer won't be cooking again today because of "helping to put the groceries away" (i.e loading up the grocery bags at the front door then leaning on Patrick to "recover" before going into the kitchen to take the bottles out of the bag for me to put away then coming in here and falling asleep.  Literally.) so it's bananas and biscuits for lunch today then my carer will decide that he's "hungry but too knackered to do any tea" so I'll make his sarnies then head to bed.  


He's "got doughnuts though, so that'll see me through the night" but apparently he "makes all of the meals and do[es] everything for her" which, as the last 5 weeks worth of spreadsheets prove, is total and utter bollox 'cos in reality he spends under 3 hours a week caring for me, yet I care for him for well over 70 usually.

I'm gonna chomp my way through another banana then carry on writing while my carer's fast asleep and dreaming about "vampires in the house" according to what he's dreaming about right now.

Just had the email about our groceries and...

...there were quite a few substitutions, so the totals now look like this:

My stuff:  £3.55
Steve's stuff:  £23.44
Joint stuff:  £13.69

So Steve's stuff is £9.75 more expensive than the joint stuff and £19.89 (over 6 times) more expensive than mine.  His 3 lots of ice cream and scotch eggs have been substituted along with one of the juices, so I bet that's a big bottle that Steve'll have all to himself again, so it's a good job that there's still a pack of 4 (2 each) left in the fridge from last week.

Mornin' again all

So far today I've:

  • Run the virus scan (still free of nasties)
  • Charged up my FitBit just a touch
  • Taken my morning pills
  • Made breakfast
  • Taken the two empty bottles out to be recycled
  • Watered the tomatoes
  • Weighed myself (put on 600g - yay)
  • Downloaded the weekly FitBit spreadsheet to go onto my site


Plans for the rest of today:

  • Finish charging up my FitBit
  • Code and upload the spreadsheet
  • Bring the rubbish and recycling things in when they've been collected
  • Finish writing yesterday's manuscript
  • Write the synopsis
  • Bring the groceries in and put them away
  • Recover lol


The recycling truck has just reversed down the street, so I've put my FitBit back on and I'll go and bring it in now then carry on with my To Do list that's up there ^^ lol


Back now.  Put the recycling boxes back into the kitchen and set my FitBit charging again, so I'll put the spreadsheet up on my site then make a start on writing again.

It's gonna be a really bad hayfever day 'cos I've already sneezed my head off, my nose and eyes are running and my eyes and throat are itchy.


I've remembered to move the money over for next month's electric, so just gotta find £45 between now and then.

Ho hum!

Sunday 25 July 2021

Today's and the week's totals of care:

Steve's care of me today:  45 minutes
My care of Steve today:  10 hours 32 minutes

Steve's weekly care total:  2 hours 56 minutes
My weekly care total:  75 hours 31 minutes

So, going by those numbers, who would you say is the carer of who and who gets the credit for being the carer?

6 hours late, but...'s today's lunch photo - cheesy omelette and hash browns:


I was wrong about lunch, sorry about that

Steve's just made a start on making our lunch... cheesy omelette and hash browns, so I was wrong about him not cooking for us today and I apologise for that.

I'm 190 minutes away from caring for my carer for 10 hours today and by the time he's cooked our lunch, it'll be about 2½-2¾ hours of care for the entire week that he's cared for me.  I predict that he'll fall asleep this afternoon, so that'll be the 10 hours before I head to bed and I'm predicting it'll be more like 12 hours of care by me today 'cos 15 hours is past my bedtime now lol

I've managed to write 2 chapters in the last 3-ish hours, so I'm hoping to be pretty much half way through the manuscript by the time I head to bed, then finish it off tomorrow around our groceries being delivered and put away 🤞

Steve's just given me a 5 minute warning, so I'm gonna publish this now.


4 hours and 1 minute so far today... I reckon it'll be a pretty easy 10 hours and maybe even 15!  If we go for the 10 hours of care then it'll be 76 hours of care that I've provided this week, compared to my carer's under 3 hours, assuming that he actually cooks for us today, otherwise it's the current 2 hours and 7 minutes of care.


Apparently he "does everything" for me and I do bugger all to support him though 🤷

News on 25th July 2021

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25th July 2021

The life-long art of making friends

BFFs for life? How to make your friendships last, by the people who have done it across decades and distances

Easy methods to Restore a Broken Friendship


So far this morning, I've...

...cared for my carer for 2 hours of the 2½ hours I've been up, taken my morning pills, run the virus scan, replied to an email and gave our tomatoes a small drink 'cos it didn't rain after all yesterday and they were starting to dry out, so I gave them 500ml between them both instead of the same amount each, just in case it tips it down later on.


Just gotta finish off the news then I can start writing... hopefully!




Saturday 24 July 2021

Steve's just edited our grocery order... the total breaks down like this:

My stuff:  £3.95
Steve's stuff:  £21.40
Joint stuff:  £15.23

so yet again Steve's stuff is the most expensive and my total has increased this week 'cos he's added veggie burgers which'll last me 2 weeks - his burgers are double the price and he'll have them all at the same time.  He's also got two lots of ice cream (8 cones and a 2 litre tub) on there which I can't have which is another £2.85 of stuff just for him, instead of toilet rolls for both of us.

I've just put "plastic cheese" onto the order at the expense of my burgers and one set of buns, but added a pizza for me instead, 'cos Steve's still got one in the freezer from this week, so that's not so bad.  The new total now looks like this:

My stuff:  £3.55
Steve's stuff:  £23.40
Joint stuff:  £14.33

which means that Steve's stuff is the best part of £20 more expensive than mine and just under a tenner more than the joint stuff.

Steve can't say that he didn't know how little I had on there this week 'cos I told him about replacing my burgers with the pizza and his cheese.  I suppose I should be grateful that I've got anything on there at all!

So far today alone, I've...

...cared more hours for my carer in about 3½ hours than he's cared for me for the entire week combined up until now:

My current total care for my carer so far today:   2 hours 25 minutes
My carer's WEEK total of care for me so far:  2 hours 11 minutes


Apparently he "cooks all the meals and does everything for her" though, which is total bollocks according to the spreadsheets I've been keeping for the last 5 weeks.

I've just done the sums for the last 5 weeks combined and they look like this:
Total care by my carer:  16 hours 1 minute
Total care by me:  350 hours 13 minutes

So my carer has provided less than half the amount of care for me in 5 weeks than he is supposed to do every week, but I'm doing more than double in half a week, but apparently I do nothing for him 😞

Mornin' all

How are you doing this morning?


It didn't rain last night, so maybe that's a blessing in disguise for the tomato plants so that they could drink instead of drown?  I'm not gonna water them today either... I'll see how dry the soil is at 7pm and take it from there, but I'm not gonna water them this morning.


Gonna take my pills then do the news then start reading last night's book... I've forgotten what I read last night, so I'm gonna be reading it with another open mind again.


Already drunk a litre of pop today... why is my mouth always so dry in the mornings until like 10am or even 11am??


Might make a start on my carers breakfast before I do the news and reading though.

The virus scan has finished and I'm still free of nasties, which is reassuring.

Breakfast time now.


Friday 23 July 2021

Today's lunch photo (23rd July 2021)

Jacket tatties (at last lol), grated cheese and vegetable chilli:

We both started to struggle with finishing off our lunch today so I reckon we'll both struggle to keep our eyes open and I'll hopefully not be too restless while I'm asleep and wake up feeling awake and refreshed in the morning.

We're due for rain tonight, so I'm not gonna water the tomatoes tonight after all.  There's supposed to be a downpour on Sunday too, so maybe the Green Man wants me to have a couple of days off or something❓❓

I'm about to jinx things, but...

...I've taken every pill at the right time so far this week, which is pretty unheard of for me... it's usually the afternoon pill that I forget to take 'cos it's around the time we eat then I forget to crunch and swallow after I've taken our plates out.

I've just heard the oven being closed so I'm gonna publish this then go and get our lunch.


I was wrong this morning, sorry about that

I've been whining for the last couple of days that we won't be having jacket tatties but I was wrong about that 'cos my carer has just gone out to make a start on cooking the potatoes for the next hour, then he'll heat up the vegetable chilli ready for our lunch... thank you Steve❗


There are a couple of tins of vegetable curry and another couple of chilli con carne on top of 3 jars of pasta bake, so that's 4 meals for me and 5 for Steve already in the cupboard so that'll save a few quid off one weeks groceries that can be used for fruit instead, to try and increase our fruit intake... I'm just glad that we've had fresh potato's twice and a few onions this week.  If it's cool enough at the weekend I might even suggest finally finishing off the pack of potatoes and another few onions again so that there's even less food waste than I was dreading a couple of days ago.  Maybe the potato's and onions tomorrow and a pasta bake on Sunday as a final blowout meal for the week so that we don't waste the cheese❓

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One extreme to the other

Woke up with explosive diarrhoea and now I'm constipated lol  Steve reckons "it's 'cos we didn't eat much yesterday" so I had a couple of slices of toast for breakfast and my bum's gone the other way now lol

As predicted...

...we won't be having the jacket tatties today either because "it's still too hot, but it's cooler at the weekend so we'll definitely have them then" but I very much doubt we will, so it's even more money wasted 😡

I've decided against...

...watering the tomatoes this morning 'cos the soil still looks pretty wet and I don't wanna drown them, so I'll leave it until tonight and see what the soil looks like then.


I woke up with diarrhoea too, so not sure I'll eat much today... gonna go and make my carer's breakfast when he wakes up and we'll take it from there.  Gonna take my morning pills while I'm waiting though.


Thursday 22 July 2021

My carer has just woken up and rushed to the bathroom, so...

...the daily totals are:

My care of my carer:   12 hours 14 minutes
My carers care of me:  6 minutes

The weekly running totals are:

My care of my carer:  44 hours 0 minutes
My carers care of me:  1 hour 6 minutes

I really am off to bed now.  Nite nite orl.

Just watered our tomatoes and...

...I reckon I'm definitely gonna keep up with watering 'em twice a day in hot weather, 'cos the water vanished really quickly this morning but slightly slower just now.


I'll keep watering them first thing in the morning but if it rains then I won't do it in the evening so that I don't drown them (or whatever happens to plants), but if it's dry all day then I'll keep on doing the 7pm-ish watering too.


Time to take my last two pills of the day now.  Dunno if I'll be back again before I head to bed or not, so I'll say nite nite to you all now, just in case.  I've gotta keep monitoring my carer's breathing until he wakes up though, so I'll put that into the spreadsheet and do the daily support/care timings before I head to bed I reckon.

Toodle pip for now though.


To the minute

43 hours of care already this week, with three days still to go, so I reckon I'll just about scrape through 75 hours of caring for my carer this week and his total so far this week is 1 hour to the minute too.  


I'm hoping it'll be jacket tatties with cheese and chilli (instead of beans) "because it'll be cooler tomorrow" (to directly quote my carer today) but I'm at the point now where I don't believe it until I see it 'cos he's been promising the jacket tatties since Saturday when he suggested putting them onto our online grocery order.

Groceries for next week

My stuff:  £2.70
Steve's stuff:  £20.30
Joint stuff:  £15.54

So, yet again, Steve's got a significant amount of the groceries just for him but it's always my own or joint stuff that comes off, to make room for more things just for him.  


Just done the maffs and Steve's stuff is over 7½ more expensive than mine.


While we're here, let's do the week after's calculations too:

My stuff:  £3.60
Steve's stuff:  £18.40
Joint stuff:  £17.76

Might as well do the third week's too:

My stuff:  £3.60
Steve's stuff:  £14.20
Joint stuff:  £22.41

So amazingly it's mainly joint stuff that week❗

I need another wee now, so I'm gonna publish this before I wet myself.

I was wrong

I was wrong when I said in my first post of today that my hayfever wasn't too bad... it wasn't at the time but my eyes are streaming, itchy, my nose is running and I'm violently sneezing too, so it'll be a bad day with the hayfever after all 😞

Waaay too hot already, sooo...

...I've already given the tomatoes a big drink (they weren't as thirsty as last night, but I still gave them a litre of water each to keep 'em going), run the daily virus scan (still free of viruses and malware), made breakfast for my carer and I'll have drunk a litre already this morning by the time I've finished this glass of pop.

My hayfever ain't too bad atm, so hopefully that means I'll have a reasonable day with it today.  After I've done the news I'll be spending a while researching which other things children have MRIs for other than brain stuff.  I'll hopefully be able to plan it out too, but it's the research that I wanna focus on today.

Time to take my morning pills then crack on with the news now.  It's Thursday today, so I need to take my FA as well... need a wee first though lol

Wednesday 21 July 2021

It really must have been hot today, 'cos...

...I've just been out to water our tomatoes for the second time today and the water disappeared almost instantly so I came back in to refill the jug with more water to give them even more to drink and that disappeared straight away too❗  


Basically each plant has had very nearly 1½ litres of water in about 13 hours, so I'm thinking that I need to do a jugful each, twice a day so that they aren't absolutely desperate for a drink between waterings.  It'll mean four trips in and out a day but maybe that's not such a bad thing and it'll gradually increase my confidence of going down slopes especially (going up is a lot easier than going down for some reason) without getting so anxious about it in preparation for my MRI in 10 days time❓  It gives me a reason to use my stick instead of the house walls kinda thing❓

I've taken my last two pills of the day, so I'll head to bed when the side-effects start kicking in.  My laptop is quite warm too, so maybe I should shut down now anyway, so that I don't get blue-screened❓

4 litres and over 3,500 calories already today

It's unlikely that I'll eat anything else today, but I might hit 4.5 litres of liquid by bed time... I usually love hot weather 🌞 but it's been too hot even for me today.  It's helped having the curtains closed since Steve got home this morning, having the lights off and the fan blasting constantly, but it's still too hot and humid for my liking.

Today's lunch photo (21st July 2021)


Credit where it's due and all that jazz

Steve really is cooking for us today after all.  Just potatoes and onions 'cos cutting them up has cream-crackered Steve, so he's not doing the omelette after all, but that's OK, we can have omelette or fried eggs or scrambled eggs or whatever at the weekend instead.  It's our first hot meal (other than the toast) this week, so I'm not complaining!


I've just had the reminder for my afternoon pill, so I'm gonna crunch and swallow that now, before I forget.


Lunch should be done in about half an hour with any luck so I dunno if I'll post again before then.  Gotta remember to take the photo of it for you all today, but I won't put it here on my blog here until I've finished eating and taken our plates back out to the kitchen.

That's the virus scan and backups finished already!

Before I blatted my machine, the Wednesday virus scan didn't finish until, like, 12.30pm and the backups would take until after 2pm so to have it all done and dusted in just over 4 hours is incredible!

I can check my emails and make a start on the news and be able to have a solid lunch today which is even better... just gotta remember to take a photo of it to share with you all today lol


Steve's decided that it'll be an omelette made with the eggs to go along with the potatoes and onions and I'm assuming he'll have the meat for his tea at some point.

Steve's back now with...

...another dozen eggs, so lunch today is potatoes, onions, eggs 🥔🧅🥚 and meat for Steve so that there is less waste.  Tomorrow is still gonna be jacket tatties with cheese and beans though so that the potatoes and cheese aren't wasted and we'll have one of the pasta bakes on Friday to finish off the other grated cheese.


The virus scan has just finished and it's not even 🕣8.30am yet❗  Hopefully my back-ups'll be finished by the time Steve get's home from his appointment, then I can check my emails for the first time today and make a start on the news❗

Steve didn't want any breakfast this morning, so I'm hoping he'll be hungry enough to want to cook today.  In theory it's quick and simple (potatoes and onions) so if he doesn't feel up to it then I'll do it instead.  Tomorrow will be jacket tatties which are easy to do too, in theory, then Friday is pasta bake so that we can use up the second grated cheese (the first one will be with the jacket tatties)

Time to kick off the backups while I go for another wee now.

So far this morning, I've...

...woken up almost an hour later than normal, so I watered the tomatoes as soon as I got downstairs, booted up my laptop while I was taking my morning pills, remembered not to open my email so started the virus scan, then sorted out the forum, all while caring for my carer.


Gonna make a start on the news while I'm monitoring my carers breathing, then make his breakfast when he wakes up ready for his early appointment (which in theory is the first or second of the day so we'll see what time he goes in today).

My hayfever is through the roof again today after having a pretty good day without it yesterday.

My carer has just woken up and decided against breakfast today, so I'm gonna go and make myself some toast now and bet I'll be doing lunch today too... gonna be potatoes and onions so that we can at least use a few of them before they sprout even more than they already are.

Pouring myself the first drink of pop of the day so that I don't get dehydrated.

Time to publish this before I forget.

Tuesday 20 July 2021

Just taken my last two pills of the day, so now...'s time to water the tomatoes and head to bed for an early night I reckon.


The difference between rules and prejudice (from Facebook)

Taken my lunchtime pill and did some editing of... week's groceries, to take off all the stuff we won't be having this week 'cos there just won't be room in the cupboards for jars and my carer is unlikely to cook again next week 'cos of the heat, so I've taken everything frozen except the potato croquettes and put 8 ice cream cones and a 2 litre tub of neopolitan ice cream on instead, so next week's grocery totals now look like this:

My stuff:  £2.70
Steve's stuff:  £17.30
Joint stuff:  £17.02

which means that yet again, as each week so far, the majority of the groceries are for Steve again... only by 28p next week though, with is a lot less than normal considering there's ice cream on Steve's and toilet rolls on the joint.  My entire amount is 6 bottles of cream soda lol

Apparently "it's too hot to eat"

My carer has just woken up, so I asked him about how long to cook the potatoes for and he said "it's too hot to eat" so we're having biscuits for lunch again and my carer said "I'll have them later in the week when it cools down if you put them in the fridge" so that's two meals (he's got pizza too and I haven't this week) he'll be having that I won't and I bet he'll say it's too hot for pasta bake tomorrow too, despite having three jars of it as well as two of curry and another two of chilli but it'll be biscuits or bread and spread until Thursday at the very earliest and it'll be me getting everything again.  


I'd best take the hot meals off Monday's grocery order 'cos there is absolutely no cupboard space left now and I doubt we'll be having anything cooked until the end of Summer now either.  I can't afford to waste money like this but my carer doesn't seem to understand that.

It's not even lunchtime yet, but I've already...

...cared for my carer for over 5½ hours.  I'm guessing that it'll be me doing the lunch again, despite my carer telling anyone who will listen that he "cooks all the meals every day" which I've got proof is total bollox for the last month and is, in reality, 2-3 meals a week.

Scratch the support time up there ^^ 'cos it's now 6 hours and counting.

We've got 4 fresh potatoes so I'm guessing it's jacket tatties, cheese and baked beans today which is a pretty easy lunch isn't it?  Just prick holes into the potatoes, bung 'em in the oven for half an hour, then get the beans cooked, finish off the potatoes, cut 'em open, load 'em up with grated cheese and the beans et voila, right?  I'll let my carer sleep until about 12.30pm then go and make a start on our food.  Do fresh onions go with baked beans and cheese and potatoes please?  We've got loads of those to get through as well is all lol


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Tomatoes watered, virus scan under way... score increased, hayfever through the roof, temperature already extreme but I'm feeling positive that today is gonna be a good day, so I'm gonna make the most of it.

I've decided that I'm gonna water the tomatoes twice a day but give them slightly less water each time (so instead of a litre between them once a day, I'm gonna try 750ml twice a day) just while there's this heat wave then I'll go back to watering once a day if it rains or the weather cools down to a more British kinda temperature.  The weather forecast said the heatwave is gonna last for this week then there will be rain at the weekend, so I'll water them twice a day for the rest of this week then once a day, in the evening, when it rains so that I don't flood them or drown them or overwater them or whatever the right phrase is.

I've got the free app from Experian that monitors my credit score for free once a month and yesterday was my update day and it's definitely going in the right direction now 'cos it increased by 37 points and I've only got another 70 points to recover to have a perfect credit score for the first time in more than a decade and I'm hoping that'll happen before the end of this year.  The only credit I've got left is the mortgage and that's the way it's gonna stay now.  No more credit or store cards, no more mobile phone contracts, no loans - if I can't afford it I'll either save up for it or it just wasn't meant to be.

The virus scan has just finished and I'm still free of viruses and malware, so it's time to take my morning pills now then make a start on the news until my carer wakes up so that I can make our breakfast.  Currently at an hour and 16 minutes of care by me today and my carer has cared for me for 18 minutes so far this week when he bagged the groceries and helped to put them away yesterday.

Just had the reminder come up for my pills and today begins with a T so it's a FA day for the first time this week.  Hold on while I take 'em...


OK, that's all the morning pills down the hatch and I very nearly managed to swallow the FA without squash to wash it down with today 'cos it's so small❗

I've also added 3 new labels to this blog post, so from now on you'll be able to track "gardening" posts, "hayfever" posts and "drink" posts... just gotta remember to use 'em now❗ 😄

Time to get cracking with the news now I reckon.

See you all in a bit 👋

Monday 19 July 2021

Tomato's watered, pills taken... just need to wait for the side effects to kick in, then I can head to bed for the night.


Need to remember to order more of my evening pills at the start of next week so that it's not done in a rush, then that'll be it for about 40 days before my next repeat prescription is due to be ordered... hope I remember❗

That's the groceries been and gone

The deliverer took the pizza and the receipt says that I haven't been charged, but we shall see when it's taken from my bank!


Steve's medium pork pie was replaced with a large one that doesn't look too much bigger than his normal one even though it was about 35p more expensive!  I know that doesn't sound like much, but I have to stay under £45 a week otherwise I can't afford the electricity!


My cream soda's are back in stock, so that'll confuse my tastebuds for a while, but it must mean that the manufacturers are thinking hot weather and cooling down rather than cold weather and heating up now.

We're having biscuits for a late lunch today 'cos we're both too hot and my body doesn't feel up to even making bread and spread for us, so I've brought in the custard creams and chocolate digestives to keep us going throughout the afternoon.

I've taken my afternoon pill and I'm pondering on a couple of sprays of B12 just to help my body to recover a bit quicker.

Ooh ouch!

Just had the notification about our grocery order and the 85p pizza that I ordered was out of stock, so they replaced it with one that costs £2.50 - almost £2 more expensive which I really can't afford.  That's one meal less for me this week and I bet Steve'll forget to reject the substitute despite asking him to which'll mean that next week's groceries have a limit of £41.50 instead of £45 and I can pretty much guarantee the things that'll come off will be mine.  Again.  Same as always.

Literally the only things of mine on today's order are 6 bottles of pop and the majority of the rest of it is Steve's.  Looks like 3 of my meals this week will be bread and spread 'cos it'll be "way too hot to stand over the cooker" (to quote Steve at the weekend) again.  We've got jacket tatties and grated cheese this week, so we can have the potatoes tomorrow and at least one pasta bake this week now that we've got 3 jars of it 🙄 🤣.  We're having curry at some point this week too 'cos there are two vegetable curries getting delivered, so jacket tatties, cheese and beans tomorrow, pasta bake at least once, curry, pizza/bread and spread, full-sized hash browns and onions, then just one more meal to find in the bottom of the freezer... maybe it'll be soup and bread today after all?

That's the news sorted for today and it's only...


There was only two pieces of news on my navigation site and nothing at all on the other two, so the rest of the day is mine all mine now.  I'm pondering on studying, but it's been even longer since I last wrote a manuscript, so I'm pondering on that instead - what do you reckon I should do please?  Leave me a comment and let me know 😊

Back now and the spreadsheet issue was...

...a PICNIC 'cos I'd forgotten that my websites are now on a different level to the rest of my documents 🙄 It's sorted now though, thankfully, and after disabling a couple of start-up programmes, my emails loaded up first time too 🤣

Just gotta try and motivate myself to carry on with the news now.  There wasn't anything for my writing site, so I'm going through my homepage now then my navigation site after that.

Steve's already decided that he's not cooking today and that I'll make soup and spreaded bread for both of us instead "just in case the shopping comes early again" which means I won't get any care out of him today, especially if he's asleep when the shopping comes.

I've already brought the recycling boxes in while my carer was asleep so I've put that into the spreadsheet and my carer was still asleep throughout.  I've cared for my carer for 3 of the 3½ hours I've been awake so far and he's done nothing for me so far, so I'm thinking it'll be a pretty easy 12 hours of care today which is more than double the daily required to be seen as a carer.

Last week's caring totals looked like this:

Steve caring for me:  2 hours 47 minutes
Me caring for Steve:  76 hours 8 minutes

yet apparently he's my carer who does everything for me and I don't do anything for him 😞 The totals so far today are:

Steve caring for me:  0 hours 0 minutes
Me caring for Steve:  3 hours 19 minutes

and increasing each minute.

Time to carry on with the news now until the rubbish has been collected I reckon.

Early start this morning

I was awake and downstairs needing a wee before 5am and I've been caring for my carer ever since.  He's already needed emotional support for "freedom day" today and I've made him his breakfast... apparently he woke up at 3am so he'll be asleep all day again today then.


I've started the virus scan and got my second glass of water but my FitBit app is working incredibly slowly, so I'm wondering if that's something to do with the virus scan?

Time to check my emails and take my morning pills now... it's Monday today so I don't take the FA today, yeah?  I'm not going to, just in case, but I will take it tomorrow.

Our groceries are due this afternoon and I bet I'll be putting most of them away.  We've got a housekeeping task list that I haven't touched anything of last week to see what Steve would do... the only time he got out of his chair was to go to the bathroom and cook two meals - absolutely nothing else!

The virus scan has almost finished, so I'm gonna pop my pills now then make a start on the news and care for my carer for the rest of the day.

Aksherly, I need to weigh myself first, before I forget, then I'll take my pills.


I've weighed myself but I've unsurprisingly lost weight after not having anything other than 2 slices of toast on one day last week.

My laptop needs a reboot 'cos it can't find the FitBit spreadsheet I've just saved, so I hope that's not the signal of a bad day just starting already?!


Sunday 18 July 2021

Just watered the tomato plants again and...

...because it's been so hot today, I put an extra half a jug full of water between them.  Assuming I get down here early enough before it gets too hot, I'm gonna try and remember to give them a drink first thing in the mornings too, so that they don't die of thirst with the hot weather due next week.  It'll hopefully do my confidence with the new quad cane good too 'cos I'm very unsure right now 'cos the base is so much smaller than the previous one, so I've gotta keep practising with it, so the twice a day watering will hopefully push me into growing more confidence with it.

Practise makes perfect and all that jazz.

Amazingly, other than...

...tonight's pills 'cos we're not there yet, obviously, I've taken every single pill this week!  It definitely helps having the weekly pill organiser and the reminders on my laptop and smartphone.  My body feels a lot better with everything it needs inside it so I hope I remember to take all my pills next week too.


I've got my MRI on the Saturday morning, so I'm pondering on leaving off just until I come back from that, but the letter says it'll take about an hour, which'll be about time for my afternoon pill then, so maybe I should take them in the morning anyway??


What do you think I should do?  Leave me a comment in reply to this and let me know before Friday night?  Please?

Today's (18th July 2021) lunch photo

Fried eggs and mini hash browns today and to give him credit, Steve really did cook today after I doubted him earlier on this morning - that's twice this week.


In case you're wondering what the black bits are, it's freshly ground black pepper so that I don't get constipated... ewwww!  lol


Here's the photo:

Steve's just edited tomorrow's grocery order...

...and the prices now break down like this:

Steve's stuff:  £13.55
My stuff:  £2.70
Joint stuff:  £24.95

So just for a change, the joint stuff is more expensive than Steve's by a huuuuge £11.40, thanks mainly to the breakfast orange juice and it's more than quadruple the price of my stuff.  I'm just relieved that Steve hasn't been as selfish as normal with tomorrow's shop and that I actually have stuff for me on tomorrow's shop, unlike this week.

Time to go for another wee then charge my phone and FitBit up.


Mornin' all

How are you all doing today?


I've taken my morning pills, completed the virus scan, cared for my carer for just over 2 hours already this morning and got one set of news sorted, so time to get on with the rest now, then I'll make Steve's breakfast when he wakes up.


My hayfever is through the roof as well as it being forecast to reach 31℃ today, which means Steve'll spend the majority of the day asleep, so I'll be keeping an eye on his breathing and I'm pretty much guaranteed to reach 75 hours of care this week, yet my carer is nowhere near even approaching double figures of weekly care... hold on and I'll do the maffs now so that we can see how much he's cared for me this week:  


2 hours 22 minutes so far this week, which means he's got to care for me for over 30 hours before it hits 8pm tonight to have done the required amount of care to be called my carer.  I've done over 66 hours so far this week which is approaching double the amount and I reckon it'll be lunchtime when it hits the double but apparently I'm not his carer and don't do anything to support him.

I'm gonna ask him (again) to keep a note of everything he does to care for me so that we can compare notes next weekend.  I've asked him to remind me to phone my GP surgery tomorrow about re-sending the letter with the NHS WKE url in it so that I can scan it in and keep it safely on my computer ready to send to people who want to know what I go through and also ask the Neuro about the psychosis part.  Bet he'll conveniently forget though.

Time to go for another wee then get on with the next set of news now I reckon.  Need to charge my FitBit up while I'm getting it sorted out too.  Need to get the breakfast sorted too

Saturday 17 July 2021

Just watered the tomatoes and...

...taken my last two pills of the day so I'm off to bed now 'cos I'm absolutely wiped out.


Back tomorrow, same as always.


Nite nite orl.


That's Steve's lunch made

He had cheese and onion sarnies, freshly made and I had a single slice of bread and spread 'cos my legs wouldn't hold me up any longer so I might have a few biscuits this afternoon if I get hungry... Steve'll have the majority of those as well though, I bet.  I can almost guarantee that he won't cook tomorrow either, which means he's only actually made any kind of food for me once this week, when we had the curry on Tuesday (or whenever it was)... if he doesn't, I'll made him scrambled eggs so that the eggs actually get used this week, unlike the last 3 weeks.

News and 2 opinions on 17th July 2021

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17th July 2021

Princess Diana & Sarah Ferguson's Friendship Set an Impossible Standard For Meghan & Kate - Amanda's comment: I love our royals and it's great to get a glimpse into the friendship that they shared even though the media tried to put a wedge between them.

Inside Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow's feud and friendship over the years - Amanda's comment: Nothing new here for any true Thatter, but they got the date that they came together wrong 'cos I've been a Thatter since the Summer of 1989 lol 


So far this morning, I've...

...taken my pills, made breakfast, made a hot drink, sorted out the forum, done the virus scan (still clear, thankfully) read through Facebook, applied for an ARC of a book that's due out two days before my 4th MRI that I'd love to give another 5 stars to and I'm about to make a start on the three different sets of news.

We're having potatoes and onions for our lunch today 'cos we didn't have our pasta bake after all yesterday 'cos we ain't got any grated cheese to go on it, so all our meals have been moved up a day and I haven't got a clue what we're having tomorrow now lol


Just filled in the Covid form 'cos Marie is coming over with a few bits and bobs of shopping mainly for Steve so I wanna see if she'll take the letter with her to post so that it's there in time for my MRI.  It was confusing 'cos it said the details needed to be in the 14 days before the scan, so I thought I'd need to take it with me, but elsewhere it said that if they didn't get it back then they weren't gonna do the scan!  I hope posting it to them is OK then!

Be back in a bit... wanna get the news out of the way while I've got the motivation to do it.

Friday 16 July 2021

Achieved a decent amount today, soooo...

...I'm gonna finish my glass of water then head to bed I reckon.  I'm about 90% sure that this'll be my last blog post of the day 'cos my body is starting to tell me it needs to go to bed, so I'll finish off the water as I close all my programmes then shut down and head to bed.

Nite nite orl... I'll see you back again tomorrow morning at some point.

People don't like it when I've tried to do this in the past

If only I had someone like this...

Book Review: "Overcoming Depression" by by Claudie Marielle Camann and Dennis Toro Toro

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

I've had depression on and off for the last 30 years so it'll be interesting to see if there's anything in this book that I haven't already tried!  I'm going opening it up with a totally open mind so we shall see how many stars it ends up with.

It's got 127 pages, so hopefully I'll get it read in one sitting, but we shall see.

I've got my "posh" (aka cafetierre) coffee on the go and it's not even 10am yet, so let's see how much I get through before I have my lunch.

Ooooh!  I'm already 10% of the way through and my coffee is barely tepid 'cos I've been so engrossed in the book.  If it carries on with this quality then I'll be recommending it to everyone I know with depression!

If I didn't like cold coffee, half a mugful would have gone to waste by now lol  I'm 22% of the way through and every single one of those 5 stars is still firmly in place.

I'm 60% of the way through it now and I still reckon each of those 5 stars are well-deserved.  It's almost lunchtime, so gonna read a bit more then stop to eat... I reckon I'll be finished by this afternoon and it's held my attention throughout!

Wowsers!  What an incredible book!  I've just finished reading it and each of those five stars are still totally solidly in place.  It's a total must-read by everyone!

Forgot to say!

I've taken my lunchtime pill just before I dug into my lunch, so I'm all dosed up until this evening now 👍


I've made a few decisions

I've been reading a Kindle book called "Overcoming Depression" that I'm gonna put the review up of this afternoon and it's helped me to come to a few decisions, the main one being that when the Neurologist still thinks my memory problems are psychosomatic then I'll finally accept it... after all, he's had medical training for a bazillion years and I haven't 😉


I've also decided to put in even more of an effort to support my friends and I've already suggested to Steve about going to a self-help group 'cos he's my carer, so he needs support too.


I've also made another significant decision that will prolly significantly impact my other decisions, so I'm not gonna say what that decision is until nearer the time... I'm pretty sure I know what needs to be done to achieve it though so when the time is right, I'll put it into action.  It's been building for a long time, I just haven't felt so motivated to act on it as I currently feel is all.


Time to take the plates out then finish off reading and reviewing the book now.

Pretty average morning so far...

...I've made our breakfast, taken my morning pills, sorted out my email and cared for my carer for an hour and nine minutes so far... he was amazingly awake when I came downstairs, but he's snoring his head off now, so that's it for the morning.

I forgot to set the virus scan running as soon as I logged on this morning, but it's underway now.  I've got a book to read after I've done the news and I'm hoping to have the review up for you all by the time I head to bed tonight... can't guarantee it though.

Thursday 15 July 2021

A day in Amanda's life on a good day

It's not often that I talk about what I go through, so I don't think people realise what I go through, so this blog post is gonna be a day in my life that talks about how I'm feeling just for one day.


I'll still keep posting the normal daily posts, but this one is gonna be focussed on my health just for one day so that you get a very brief glimpse of what I go through and why it all gets too much to support others when I'm struggling myself and why I've blown up on Facebook at the end of the year for the last couple of years.


I'll try and remember to put some kind of divider between each section before I add to it, but if I forget then you'll be able to see in an instant just a tiny thing that I've lived with since 1999.


I woke up an hour later than normal, in a great deal of exhaustion, confusion and my legs didn't want to move properly, so pretty normal to start the day off with.  I've already been for a poo 💩 and my legs have given way for the first time today, but fortunately I was in the bathroom and I'd already pulled up my leggings so was able to pull myself to my feet using the bath and wall for support... I'm relieved that the gangway is small enough to be able to do that several times a day 😁

Time for my first pills of the day.  My phone says the day begins with a T so it's time for my FA as well as my OAB pill and first of my supplements of the day.

Steve's asleep so I'm glad I've got the reminder on my phone and in my calendar so that I don't forget to take them all!  I've amazingly remembered to take all my pills every day so far this week, thanks to my pill organiser and the reminders on my phone and computer.

I replaced my fitness tracking watch yesterday, so maybe that's why my legs have already given way today?  Steve's milk tube things are due today too, so I hope I stay on my feet when they knock on the door and until I've closed it!  At least I can use the hall walls and door to pull myself up if I do.

I've just had a reminder for my morning pills, so I'd best take them before I forget.


That's my morning pills taken but I'm absolutely exhausted and the back of my left knee has just started being really painful, so I'm thinking I'll have to add paracetamol and B12 to my morning routine today.  Gonna wait and see if I can get by without them for a little while first, so that my body doesn't have to work even hardeer than it already does.

Gotta go and make Steve's toast for his breakfast soon... at least I can lean against the counter and have my breakfast while I'm waiting for the toaster to pop up each time.  Steve'll want his usual four slices but I can't decide if I want two or four slices this morning... if I have two then I won't need to stand up and wobble for so long which would be safer.

Time to start on my daily blog posts now, so time to put my public mask up for the day.



Just been for my second wee of the day because Steve's going for a poo 💩 which usually takes him the best part of half an hour and there's no way my bladder could have held on for that long and I really didn't want to wee out in the back yard again, in case Steve's milk arrived before I'd got dressed again.  Apparently I'm having 4 slices of toast according to Steve, so that's what I'll do when he comes out of the bathroom and my legs have started to recover.


He had a go at me 'cos I couldn't understand his mumbling, which has sent my mood through the floor already, so I'm gonna pop a 5-HTP, paracetamol and a couple of squirts of the B12 spray after all I reckon.


That's the 5-HTP and paracetamol taken and Steve's amazingly come back into the living room a lot quicker than I was thinking, so I've gotta go and do his breakfast now.  Not gonna risk doing mine yet in case my legs give way again... need to recover for a while first.  Gonna finish off my first blog post of the day first though 'cos the crunched up paracetamol and 5-HTP have left a nasty taste in my dry mouth and I wanna give them a chance to work first.


Just made breakfast and the pills have started kicking in now, but my legs are really wobbly.  I'm just relieved that my legs didn't give way underneath me in the kitchen again, or I would have been in serious trouble and have to crawl to the stairs to be able to get to my feet!

I'm hoping today will be a pretty average to good day so that you can all read how my body feels on a good day then you'll hopefully understand why and how I struggle at the best of times let alone on my bad days.


Oh boy, I've gotta deal with hayfever on top of everything else now 'cos the window is open and the fan is spinning, so that's something else I've gotta deal with today on top of the pain, the exhaustion, the confusion, the memory problems and everything else.


The exhaustion is starting to overwhelm me already today, and it's only 9.11am so I'm gonna limit myself to 1 spray of the B12 so that I've still got 3 sprays left for the rest of the day.

My arms and hands have just started aching too but I've already taken a painkiller so can't take another one yet... I can barely keep my eyes open through sheer exhaustion, but everyone else needs support, so I've gotta keep on battling through.


I've just made us a hot drink each and I really can't move for at least a couple of hours now.  I'm absolutely shattered, my legs are wobbly, my knees are aching like mad and my hands have joined the pain-party now too.  This is what every day is like for me though 🤷


This morning's paracetamol has now worn off and I can't remember if I took the B12 or not.  Gonna spray one squirt onto my cheek now, just in case I didn't... hold on and I'll do it now while I remember.

Just squirted it, but the spray went everywhere except my mouth, so I had to go and wash my hands and my legs gave way again so had to pull myself back to my feet using the bath for support.  Again.



I'm shaking like a leaf in a storm now, but that's normal too so that must mean my body wants some food, but it's not safe for me to cook anything other than toast, so I'll have to wait until Steve's hungry and can be bothered to cook.  If it's anything like yesterday though, it'll be bread and spread for lunch again.  He's only cooked for us once this week when we had the burgers on Tuesday so I doubt he'll cook again this week so it'll be more bread and spread despite having a fridge freezer and cupboards full of food.


It's supposed to be pizza today, so that's easy enough to cook right?  Just pre-heat the oven while getting the pizza's out of the freezer then bung them in the oven for 20 minutes then get them out, cut them up and eat, right?  I'll give Steve until quarter past then try and summon up the courage to do it myself.



Steve was still asleep, so I've just put the pizza's in the oven and set the timer on my phone.  In 12 minutes I've gotta go out and change them around apparently but that just won't be anything even approaching safe so they will have to be burnt/undercooked and whole because Steve didn't want to do the cooking again.



Just struggled to switch the pizza's around and Steve's is already slightly burnt and mine barely warm, so Steve's gone out to look after them now and I'm gonna put my laptop on the floor in preparation.


Be back after lunch!



Back now and I'm feeling really proud of myself for managing the majority of cooking our lunch myself... it was just the cutting and plating that I didn't do because I'm not tall enough to be able to do it, but that and plating up was the only thing I didn't do for our lunch today.  I've stopped shaking and my mood has lifted ever so slightly so I've just gotta wait for Steve's delivery now.


I was debating about splitting this into two sections because it's already for so long, but must have forgotten 'cos I'm still writing it after lunch 😜



My knees are currently going "what on earth were you thinking?!" so I hope they hold me up this afternoon❗



Just had the reminder come up for my lunchtime pill-taking time... my 8th of the day so far, which means it'll be at least 10 pills I've taken by the time I head to bed tonight.  Bear with me while I crunch it up then swallow the bits... I hope Steve's delivery doesn't turn up while I'm taking it❗ 😟


OK, that's the lunchtime pill down the hatch and I've managed to take all my pills so far this week instead of usually missing at least one a week 😀  Still got 3 days to go though, so I've prolly spoken too soon and jinxed it all now 🙄


Cor lummy... it's not even 3pm and I'm already flagging so I'm definitely hoping for an early night tonight and hopefully I'll fall asleep as soon as I crawl into bed.  I'm grateful that the worst of this morning's hayfever has significantly reduced now... it'll be back in a few hours, I can almost guarantee it, but right now I'm making the most of it.

I thought someone was at the door just now, but they weren't, so my legs and energy and motivation and stability levels were all used needlessly which means there's even less for me to be able to use for the rest of the afternoon now 😞


Steve's milk has just come through the door (thankfully) so I'll go and make us both a hot drink then hopefully not move off the sofa until I head to bed then.


I've made us a hot drink each so I'm not going to be able to safely leave the sofa for the rest of the day now and my legs are wobbly and killing me again.  It's a good job that I'll be taking my last two pills of the day in a couple of hours then I can head to bed and recover until tomorrow when it'll all start again.

It's been a pretty good day today, thankfully... my legs have only given way a few times, I haven't had to ask for too many reminders, my head has been pretty clear, my mood has been pretty stable, I haven't wet myself or thrown up, I've taken all my pills and I haven't needed to crawl to the stairs after collapsing in the kitchen without being able to get up, so today has been a pretty good day so far I reckon.  Just gotta remember to publish this then link to it before I head to bed tonight now.


Our internet connection has just died, so I've had to ask Steve for the wire for the router so I'll be hearing about that all afternoon now.  One of my friends has been going through a particularly rough time and has to self-isolate now, so I'll be doing what I can for them via email and hoping I don't need too many wee's this afternoon 'cos my legs just won't be able to cope with it.


My glasses need a good clean and I need to get my eyes tested that is about 18 months overdue, but after paying for the electricity and groceries I just can't afford it.


Friends are talking about going on holiday and stuff when the Covid restrictions allow, but I've been on one weekend away to Scotland for dolphin watching (but didn't see any unfortunately) since coming out of hospital in 2003 and I've never left Britain in my life... never even had a passport!


My connection still hasn't returned, so I'm gonna have to put this into a Word document then reboot... just what I didn't need this afternoon, along with the pain and weakness and wobbliness and exhaustion and all that other jazz I go through every day.


BBS I hope.



Back now.  There was a Windows update that made my internet connection die or something.  It's back now though, and I've been for another wee while my machine was updating and rebooting and I ended up on the floor again, but couldn't get straight back to my feet 'cos my legs were just too weak, so I was sat on the bathroom floor for a few minutes before I attempted to get back to my feet again.


My thighs are killing me now as well as my knees and back and head, but apparently this never happens 🤷


I've made myself one last hot drink before I head to bed which has just about taken me over 2 litres today, thankfully.


I've just asked Steve to help me to water the tomato's later on and he's just dropped his shoulders and head and said "we'll see".  Same as every day.  But it was him that agreed to us having the bloody plants yet he's done bugger all to look after them, despite him being more stable on his feet.  I bet he'll claim credit for it when they are grown and ripe enough to pick and eat though, just like he claims credit for gifts even when I deliberately haven't put his name on the tag and says I "must have forgotten, sorry" when asked about it.  Just like with the electricity and groceries - I'm the one who pays but it's Steve that gets the credit 😡😠


I'm pissed off about how much he sees his family (every six weeks, minimum) but I haven't seen my mum since mid-July 2010 (not a typo, I really do mean that it's been 11 years since I saw my mum) just after my father's funeral.


Got a book to read tomorrow which sounds interesting so I've put a reminder in my laptop's calendar to remind me to read and review it.  I've also had a reminder come up to take my last two pills of the day, so I'll do that now then potentially publish this and link to it from Facebook... I'll wait until just before I head to bed though, just to give you all a full day's worth of my life 😊


OK, that's the last two pills of the day taken and I'm gonna publish this now so that I don't get stressed out just before I head to bed and end up tossing and turning until the early hours.

Thank you for reading about my day and I hope you've got a better idea of what I go through on a good day, let alone a bad day now and that you now understand that when I say I can't do something, it's not because I don't want to, I just physically/neurologically/mentally/emotionally can't do it for you right then and it's pointless laying a guilt trip on me or calling me a liar either out loud or in your head 'cos I'm already giving myself a major guilt trip about it and please know that me saying "no" is a very rare occurance so please respect it when I do say it.

Goodnight all.