Grrrrr!

I've just opened the bag of my prescription that I collected after the medical appointment and they are my bladder pills that I ordered at the weekend instead of my anti-loopy pills that I've been waiting for, for the last 21 days.

I've called the pharmacy and asked when my anti-loopy pills were going to be available 'cos I've been told that they were on "priority order" for the last 10 days.  The lady "looked in the drawer and found some pills that are the same pills, but not the brand on your prescription".  I said that was fine and she said "we'll get them delivered to you tomorrow.  We've got a new system and I don't know how to use it, sorry" which is the third different excuse I've heard in 3 phone calls and 1 visit in person to the pharmacy so I don't believe a word they say any more and I'll be ordering my prescriptions as soon as the option is available online now, instead of waiting until 3 weeks before I run out.  

They've got a poster in the pharmacy saying that prescriptions will be available for delivery 2 days after they receive the request from the doctor, which should have been 15th May not 5th June!!  😡

I've got...

...Steve's bank statements now and I've already found two bills that I paid him for that were several hundred pounds difference every month.  The first one was our phone/TV/internet which was £66 a month, then there's his domain names and hosting which was £12, Netflix was £10, electricity was £114, TV license at £22, Prime at £8, mobile phone at £27, I then paid him £3910 in one day for some reason, then there's 3 payments to "Jade Witter" for £2920 which I'm assuming was for 3 private porn shows (I didn't know he was using porn until I started cancelling his payments)... I'm only up to April 2022 (Steve passed away in December 2022) and I was moving across over £400 a month to "cover the bills" so lets see what the actual cost was, shall we?

£259 in actual bills coming out of his account.

I paid him £450 a month.

£450-£259=£191 a month going on porn and take-aways, plus the thousands to "Jade Witter" and covering any other bills that he couldn't afford each month is a lot of money going into Steve's account out of mine and him getting credit for "paying all the bills".

I know that it's too late to do anything about now, but I'm incredibly disappointed by how much he was lieing to me each month.

Time for pills then bed now I reckon.

After...

...messing me about for the last 36 hours, apparently the Freegler doesn't want the kitchen stuff after all 😡

I've advertised the kitchen stuff, previous air fryer and 3 hoodies on Freegle instead, and downvoted and blocked the Freegler so that I'll never see their messages again and the volunteers will get my reasons for blocking them too, so hopefully they can do something about it to stop the same thing happening over and over again.

Nite nite orl

I'm still furious with the Freegler, but I'm thoroughly exhausted after messing around with the boxes so I'm going to bed and hoping that the exhaustion is more powerful than the anger tonight.

I've gotta remember to load up my NEW dosette box after lunch tomorrow and then potentially put the previous two onto Freegle and/or Olio.

The side effects of the pills are kicking in so I'll see you all in the morning.

Nite nite orl

Aaaand we're back to...

...telling me to update something without even asking about me and how I'm coping.  

I've done the update but the distance between us is even further now... this person hasn't changed despite me telling them bluntly how much I was hurting and grieving and that I needed their support for a very rare change - they just spent the entire email talking about themselves and what they've been through and asking me to make another update without giving me any information about where to find where they wanted the update to happen, any of the log-in details or even a please just a "I've been having a hard time recently and I've sent you loads of updates, but they haven't shown up so I hope you can put this one up for me" then attached the content  😡

I've realised today that...

...I rely waaaay too heavily on food and drink when I'm lonely or bored - especially chocolate.  

I've currently got a drinking chocolate as well as a 5 serving bar of chocolate on the go because I'm bored out of my tree and I have already re-read a book today so tomorrow is gonna be a nightmare while I am waiting for the cable to arrive!

I've put my laptop on the floor so that I don't use up the battery but I'm bored silly right now lol 

Thankfully, today's carer...

...waited until I had my trousers on before she left and even left the front door wide open for me when my 18 minutes were up this morning!  She spent 17 of the 18 minutes sat on my perching stool in the middle of the floor, using her phone and not even looking away to make sure I was OK.  At 17 minutes she stood up and wrote her notes then 18 minutes on the dot she signed out and left.

I suppose I should be grateful that she turned up at all really 🤷

Oh boy.

I'm gonna be in agony and extremely uncomfortable all day now, thanks to my carer.

She did absolutely bugger all to help me get washed and when it came to getting dressed she put my socks on backwards three time and pulled my trousers up so high that the waistband was literally at the bottom of my ribs so I've now got a painful lower half and my socks to put on when I've stopped shaking.

I've had a comforting mug of drinking chocolate and I'm gonna go and weigh myself now so that I know if I can do my laps this week or not.

TTFN

Today's carer was...

...the worst of the bad ones.

Why?

Because I was in the bathroom when the doorbell rang so I hurried to the door and apologised for taking so long to get to the door.  She pushed past me and said "that's good" then signed in.  So far so good.  The second her phone tinged the successful sign-in ting, she took her personal phone out of her pocket and started sending texts to someone.  Her phone beeped 5 times in the 2 minutes that it took me to get undressed, another 7 times while I was getting washed and dried, twice while I was putting my deodorant on. She put her phone on the side to put the toothpaste on the brush, then it beeped another 4 times while I was brushing my teeth.

Then, oh boy, it came to getting dressed and she snatched my bra off me, stretched it to the entire width of the stairs and put it over my head, making my glasses fall off.  Her phone tinged another 3 times and she went back to answering that while I finished getting dressed.

She then filled the kettle right up to the top with the hot water tap and started it boiling, then asked me what I was having for breakfast, signed out and buggered off thankfully.

In the 4 minutes since she's been gone, I've already fallen out of my bra 3 times so that's another piece of underwear stretched beyond use now, but apparently I can afford to go through 7 bras, 7 knickers and 14 socks stretched so that they don't fit any more every week 🤷

Time to finish this angry rant, update my to-do list, take the bread out of the freezer for my breakfast then do my first set of laps of the day now I reckon.

Nite nite orl

I've had a very long and very stressful 48 hours with very little sleep and what I did manage was very disturbed, so I've taken my pills and am heading straight to bed.

Basically because there aren't any errors anywhere any more, there's nothing else that Broad Oak can do to help me so the manufacturer is coming out at some point to inspect and hopefully fix it.  It's the Easter long weekend now so it'll be Tuesday at the very earliest before I hear anything so I'll have been without any kind of heat and the small amount of hot water in the tank getting used up by my carers doing the washing up and wiping the sides while the hot tap is running, so I'll have to have another cold bath on Saturday, but as long as there's enough hot water for them, that's OK right?

I'm gonna stop ranting now and head to bed.

I'll see you all in the morning at some point and hopefully be able to have my mug of soup for the first time in 3 days tomorrow lunchtime 'cos I've had 2 meals in 3 days so far this week and none of them have been made by my carer, but that's pretty standard stuff now.  This morning's carer started her day with a mug of decaff tea, milk and sugar and this afternoon's carer talked to someone in her native language for the entire 18 minutes she was here, so I'll be paying for an hour of care today and haven't even had 1 second of support from either of them today, which is pretty standard too, but they will all be expecting me to make them hot drinks instead of helping me to wash, dress and make my lunch now <shrug>

Time for me to hit the hay.

Nite nite orl.

Today's (28th February 2024) lunch photo

Lunch today was an instant vegetable Cup Soup made entirely by me while my carer made things so much harder for me today.

While I was filling the kettle, she literally threw the basket off the perching stool.  I put the kettle on to boil while she lifted the perching stool to where she wanted it and I lifted the basket back onto the box so that I could go and get the packet of soup out of the cupboard.  I came in here to put my laptop onto the floor and she moved her leg so that her knee was touching the back of my thigh as I squeezed through.  

When everything was ready in here I had to squeeze past her to make the soup with the freshly boiled water.  I needed a wee pretty urgently after using so much water so I had to squeeze past her other knee to get into and back out of the bathroom, by which time the soup was ready, so I had to squeeze past her original knee with a full mug of soup and back again to wash up when I'd finished drinking it.

I'd just about finished doing the washing up when her 18 minutes were up and to her credit, she lifted the perching stool to the other side of the kitchen again, but put it in the only free space in front of the kettle and towel basket, so with wet hands I had to rearrange everything for the second time so that I could dry my hands and make myself drinks this afternoon.

I had to literally squeeze past her 6 times because of where she had decided to sit and each time I asked her if I could squeeze past, she moved her leg less than 5cm each time.

She left the house leaving the front door wide open so I had to close that before I could sit down and recover too.

Basically, what should have taken 5 minutes with plenty of opportunities for her to do what she's paid for, she decided that she wanted to make it even harder for me than if she hadn't been here.

I'm now sat here in a great deal of pain, shaking like a leaf and with my mood through the floor, but she was here for the minimum time so that's OK right?

Here's today's lunch photo:

Today's (24th February 2024) lunch photo

I felt that my carer forced me into boiling the kettle to make the instant vegetable Cup Soup today, so basically I can't turn the lights on or have anything to drink except water until midnight now and I'm in an awful mood now too, compared to the OK, if not good, mood I was in before she arrived.

Here's today's lunch photo:

Mornin' mornin'

Well, today is gonna be another high electricity usage day 'cos the central heating has been on since before 11pm last night so I'm gonna have to email my electricity providers and explain that I seemingly have no control over the central heating and the automatic switch off doesn't automatically switch off so my electricity usage from now on, for the central heating alone is gonna be £14.40 a day, then add in the other usual things like the fridge freezer and kettle and we're up to about £17 a day which is pretty much quadruple my daily budget, but never mind eh?

I've popped my morning pills and run the daily virus scan and made myself a decaff coffee so I'm good to go until my morning carer turns up.

This blog post is waaaay too long, so I'm gonna publish it then put my day's to-do list up before my carer arrives.

Nite nite orl

Had a very disappointing telephone conversation with Broad Oak where I was told that the heating had to be on for 24 hours a day and that my £4 budget being totally thrashed by 3pm yesterday "wasn't expensive" despite not knowing how little money I have to spend each month... if I left the heating on all day every day it'd be over £300 a month which is ¾ of my monthly income, just on the central heating alone, plus another £130 for other electrical things like the fridge freezer and kettle etc and that's my monthly budget totally wiped out.

I'm not gonna get riled up about it so soon before heading to bed... I've taken my last two pills and the gummy so I'm gonna start shutting down and hopefully manage to get some sleep tonight.

Nite nite orl.

Mornin' all

Looks like today will be another unhealthy and unhygienic day because someone has been using my electricity again so can't afford to boil the kettle to get washed or make myself a mug of soup for lunch so it'll be another day of not eating or drinking again.  The central heating has been off since about 2.30pm yesterday, with all the radiators at 0 and the installation off/frost prevention activated which is the minimum any of it can go to.  Someone is definitely using my electricity though which is stopping me from being able to use it and stay healthy and hygienic, which I'm not happy about.

I've taken my morning pills so I've just gotta wait for my morning carer to turn up and spend another 18 minutes using her phone and reporting back to the office that I don't want to get washed or eat, just like both visits yesterday.

The virus scan was clear though, so that, at least, is reassuring.

I'm basically not a happy bunny this morning but it can't be helped but it'll be my first opportunity to put my New Years Resolution to the test.

Today's (14th February 2024) lunch photo

For my 4th lunch of the month, I had a mug of Minestrone Cup Soup made entirely by me while my carer scrubbed the kitchen counters, then washed up the washing up and stacked it, still dripping wet, on the bread board, then emptied the washing basket with all the folded up towels in it and rolled them up and pushed them in with such force that I now can't take any of them out to use tomorrow morning, then scrubbed the hob and left the basket on the floor then logged out and went to her next client.  As a result, I've had to dry up and put away the plates, which means I won't be able to have leftovers again, dry the bread board and sides so that I can have breakfast tomorrow, dry the hob, sides and floor then put the washing up bowl back and haul the laundry back on top.

I'm in agony, shaking like a leaf, wobbly like you wouldn't believe and I've fallen over more times in the last hour than I usually do in an entire day and that's without having to deal with my groceries in a couple of hours (assuming it's not early) too!

Never mind though, eh?  As long as she helps and supports me however she feels necessary, it doesn't matter that she's well and truly screwed me up for the rest of the week or even longer eh?

Here's the photo of today's lunch:

Looks like...

...I've been conned by the roofers.

The solar panels can't be put up because of the awful job that the roofers did and they have not only done a bad job on my roof but my two neighbours too.

The solar panel guy is gonna send me all the photos he's taken and write a report to send to them along with his email address and phone number.  I've basically gotta tell them to come out and fix the job or I will go to the CAB about taking things further.

I've got the support of the solar panel guys and their company, I've got my neighbours number so hopefully she will be on my side too and I'm gonna contact the company I found them on too... they are not going to get away with this.

That's an experience I don't want again!

When this morning's carer discovered that I'd been wearing the same clothes for 3 weeks she completely and utterly pressured me into getting changed into thinner clothes "otherwise I get in trouble" so the cold that I've had for the last two weeks and was just starting to gradually recover from is now gonna get so much worse purely because I've been forced to wear clothes that don't even start to keep me warm.

According to a medical site, my main disability puts me at increased risk of getting hypothermia so that's an increased risk now which will put me in hospital and if I survive then I'll be allowed home because I get carers coming in and they will do what they've been doing for the last year (ie nothing) and the cycle will start again.

Basically, there's an increased risk that I could die now because this morning's carer decided that she knew better than me how warm I didn't feel in my clothes and her not getting into trouble was more important than my life 🤷

Mornin' all

It's gonna be one of those days with technology again.

A quick rant to start off the day... 

You prolly already know that I'm with Freegle yeah?  Well I'm with the food version of it that's called Olio too.  

They've pretty recently expanded to offer non-food items and also somewhere you can sell things.  Most of the Olio-ers use it properly and give/receive stuff that would otherwise end up in the landfill, which is how it's supposed to be used.

A few weeks ago someone wanted a very large (46 inch), wall mountable, working, flat screen telly.  I've got no idea if they managed to get it or not, but they led the way to other people asking for a working cooker, working washing machine, working tumble dryer, working fridge, working freezer, caravan, car etc etc.

Overnight there has been another post and this person wants a new flat.  For free.  I haven't read the message because I'm too angry to, but I'm guessing that they want it to be fully furnished too.

I bet someone has told them that they can get things for free from this place, meaning small things like kettles and ancient microwaves and food processors and bread machines etc (all of which I've offered myself) that would otherwise end up in the landfill, and these people, especially this person, has taken full advantage of the word "free".

Tsk tsk.

Aaaanyway, enough ranting for now lol

I've taken my morning pills with my morning glass of water, the weekly virus scan is at... shit, I haven't taken the bread out of the freezer yet!

But I have now lol

The weekly virus scan is at 38% and I've had my first hot drink of the day.

This blog post is waaaaaaay too long, so I'm gonna publish it now and make a start on putting my to-do list together before my morning carer arrives.

BFN

Rant about this morning's carer

I'm sure she's great with her other clients, but this morning's carer's idea of support is filling up the kitchen sink half way with cold water and leaving the cold tap running at full blast so that even with a full kettle of boiling water, it was barely tepid, then talking to someone she lives with on her phone twice while I was getting washed and I know that because the person she was talking to both times was looking for something and my carer told them twice that it was "in my room, on television cabinet, next to CD rack".  

To give credit where credit is due, she got the towel for me when she finished the first call and helped me to get dressed by putting my bra on back to front the first time, then inside out the second time, but it was third time lucky for that.  She put my knickers on both inside out and back to front and pulled the socks up so high that the heel is now half way up my calf so when I've stopped shaking I'll have to get dressed for the second time this morning before I have my breakfast.

What started off as being a good day very rapidly changed to being a bad day, purely thanks to my carer.