Friday 31 December 2021

Loads has happened since this morning...

...and I can't remember the majority of it, but I'm planning to take my last pills of the day at 7pm then head straight to bed so that I can crack on with my writing as soon as I come downstairs - no excuses allowed 'cos it sounds like a great book from my plan... I've just gotta motivate myself to make a start on it then I'll be fine when I've got past the first couple of chapters.

My plan for tomorrow is to come downstairs, go for a wee, take my morning pills, plug in my headphones, crank up the music and get going straight away.  No excuses.  I've got my J2O to look forward to after I've knocked out 5 chapters, which I'm hoping will be just after I've had my lunch, so that I can drink my soup, write the fifth chapter then have my first J2O, then crack on with at least two, or hopefully three chapters before I head to bed.

My mini daily aim is to crank out 8 chapters every day so that I can stretch myself, but it's hopefully achievable as long as I'm not interrupted like I wasn't during NaNo, but instead of doing 8 chapters every other day, I wanna see if I can crank out 8 every day this time.  I think that's a realistic limit though 'cos any more than that would mean getting up before 5am and heading to bed after 8pm which would make my body complain loudly and refuse to work after a few days of pushing it to the absolute limit.  I'm gonna aim for 8 chapters a day, maximum, so that I can be sure my body isn't being overworked.  If I hit those 8 chapters before 7pm then that's awesome and I'll stop and have a well-deserved early night so that my body gets a bit longer to recharge ready for the next day.

Steve's already complaining about his tea lol  I've promised him a full Sunday Roast lunch that is made literally just down the road from us and they deliver on a Sunday with pud too, so I'm gonna be having a J2O for every 5 chapters I write a day, which should see me finished next weekend, which'll prolly be too late to order it, but the Sunday after that we'll be having the roast and my carer will prolly spend a good chunk of the afternoon deeply asleep, snoring and barely moving.  I'll have an early night too and prolly spend most of the next day burping and farting and unable to eat anything lol.

I doubt I'll write many blog posts until I've finished writing my JanNo novel, but please keep checking back, especially after about the 7th 'cos that'll either be the night I finish and I'll be throwing a virtual party or it'll be before lunch (hopefully) on the 8th when I'll have two J2O's and a couple of bars of Pure Heavenly chocolate to celebrate as well as hopefully a big, celebratory, home-cooked meal for the first time in at least two weeks lol

This blog post is already waaaay too long, so I'm gonna shut up and publish it for you all, before getting ready to take my last two pills and head to bed for a very early night, in preparation for tomorrow.

Thank you so much for continuing to read what I've spouted in 2021 and here's to an even better 2022.  I'm feeling especially proud of myself for not having my annual melt-down this year and J has a huuuuge part to play in that.  We've only known each other for a couple of months after he emailed me after reading one of my blog posts around the time I started NaNo this year and he's listened to me and supported me ever since... he's been the friend I've needed for too long and that support means the world to me, so thank you ever so much, J, and I'll email you on the other side of JanNo so that we can throw a huge party together... but only until 7pm! ROFL

Happy New Year everyone, and I'll be back with you all in the second week of 2022!

Mornin' all

My first post of the day is considerably later than normal 'cos I completely forgot!

I've taken my morning pills, made a drinking chocolate for my carer, had a doughnut for breakfast, run the daily virus scan (still clear) and cared for my carer for over 3½ hours this morning.

Steve's due for a phone call at 10.30am and I bet he'll forget what I've requested and he's agreed to.

My carer has just woken up and gone for a poo ๐Ÿ’ฉ so I hope he doesn't fall asleep while he's in there again, like sometimes happens.  He's got 40 minutes before the call is due and I bet he'll still be in the bathroom when he gets the call so I'll have to take the phone through to him - I just hope he isn't wiping his bum when I take the phone through to him!!

JanNo starts tomorrow and I'm officially ready to go now 'cos I saved the document to OneDrive ready to go so that I don't need to worry about saving it and potentially losing my train of thought each time.

I've got something planned on the 10th and our groceries are due on the 11th, so I'm seriously hoping I'll be finished a couple of days before so that I can return to reality in time and not start talking about the plot of the novel as if it were reality.  As long as I write at least 7k-8k words every day, I'll hopefully be finished just before I need to be planted firmly back in reality again.

I'm not gonna help with the groceries on Tuesday next week 'cos it's entirely Steve's stuff, so it's his responsibility to put it away... bet he doesn't put any of it away and leaves it in the bags on the kitchen floor like normal though.

I'm 15 minutes away from already caring for my carer for 4 hours this morning and he's cared for me for a grand total of 24 minutes so far this week, so unless he does nothing but care for me the entire time I'm awake from now until bed time on Sunday, he has yet again seriously undercared for me this week, yet apparently he does everything for me <shrug>

Thursday 30 December 2021

Last pills of the day taken now, soooo...

...I'm gonna crawl up to bed and hopefully fall asleep pretty rapidly tonight.

Nite nite orl.

Back now, but...

...only for an hour or so.

We spent over 7 hours with Steve's family today which is more than I've spent with my mum since the start of 2010 combined, yet apparently we were gonna go over to see her regularly when I agreed to move 40 miles away and neither of us having a driving license... dunno about you, but I don't call 7 hours in 11 years is regular, do you?

I'm not gonna do my laps tomorrow 'cos it just wouldn't be safe and my legs are already really painful and weak, so it's gonna be a rest and recover day for my legs tomorrow, then JanNo starts on Saturday so my legs will have about 8 days to recover before I start again.  Just 20 minutes twice a day during February then increase it by 10 minutes a day each month after that, just until I've lost those 3.6kg I need to lose to get me back down to the weight my medical bods are happy with then I'll gradually reduce it to just the high calorie days from then on.

I've got a drinking choccie on the go and I'm gonna take my last pills of the day at 8pm instead of 7pm so that I don't feel too sick when I lay down and we'll see what time I wake up in the morning... bet it'll still be about 5am though lol

I've already cared for my carer for 12 hours today so I'm already working overtime this week, so I'm not so worried about not caring for my carer while I'm writing, starting on Saturday.  It's gonna be a very minimal week next week 'cos my entire focus will be on my writing, but it's only for about 3 or 4 weeks a year, so I think I'm allowed the time off, considering I more than double the care during the rest of the week!

Oooh!  I've just checked!  My spreadsheet says that I was working overtime just before I headed to bed last night, so I think I'm allowed the weekend and next week off, don't you?  I usually spend at least 75 hours a week caring for my carer, so I think I'm allowed less than 10 days off, twice a year, don't you??

Steve has just...

...left for his medical appointment, so I'm gonna give it half an hour then shut down to be ready to go and wait outside for them to come and pick me up.  Apparently we're having lunch over there too so it's gonna be another loooong day over there I reckon and I doubt we'll be home before it's dark yet again.  


I'm not gonna take my phone with me again today 'cos that'd mean taking my bag and I really can't cope with that swinging around my neck, unsteadying me as I walk, so it's just gonna be me and my keys again today, for the sake of my safety.

It'll be interesting to see what my fitness watch says my stress level is like when I'm over there 'cos it was "moderate" while I was in bed last night lol


He's just gone in, so I'm gonna publish this then shut down so that I can be out there ready to be picked up when they come back.


Mornin' all

How are you all doing so far this morning?

So far today I've: 

  • remembered to put my keys on
  • brushed my teeth
  • taken my morning pills
  • checked my emails
  • checked the forum
  • completed the daily virus scan
  • and cared for my carer for over an hour

Plans for the rest of the day include:

  • making my carer's breakfast
  • visiting my in-laws for the second time in 5 days
  • supporting my carer
  • coming home and supporting the vast majority of other people and likely getting triggered by one person in particular.


Thankfully I now have support from one of my blog readers so genuinely haven't felt the need to explode like I have done for the last two or three years... thank you J!

I'm not gonna do my laps today in case my legs give way and I can't get back to my feet again.  Assuming I feel safe enough, I'll do them tomorrow though, then start doing them regularly after I've finished JanNo so that I can get rid of the 3kg that I've put back on since I was last weighed at my GP surgery.

I'm seriously impressed with my new fitness watch.  I bought it primarily for the time and heart rate sensor thing but I used the stress and breathing bits last night which meant that for the second night running I was able to fall asleep amazingly quickly and without even thinking about reading a magazine, which is very unusual for me 'cos my brain starts galloping instead of switching off at night usually!

Today is gonna be a good day for me, by the looks of things, then I can decompress and get into my writing headspace ready for Saturday morning.  Unusually for me, I know a characters name but don't know anything else about her... I don't even know her age!  lol

I'm gonna go and check that I've got every chapter planned out while my carer is asleep again, then go and get his breakfast for him.

Wednesday 29 December 2021

After doing...

...4 sets of laps in two days, I'm exhausted so I'm gonna take my pills and head off to bed for an early night I reckon.


Doubt I'll post again tonight, so I'll say goodnight to you all now and I'll see you in the morning for a few hours before we head off to the in-laws again all afternoon.  I've gotta remember to put my keys on in the morning, so that we aren't locked out of the house again!  I'm gonna put a reminder on my phone now to remind me hopefully before the bedroom, but I might not see it until I take my mobile out of its case when I come down... either way it'll be there for me to see before I leave the house!


OK, reminder set and I've just been reminded to take my pills, so I'll do that now while this post is still unpublished, then I can do it all at the same time.


That's my final couple of pills of the day down the hatch and under my tongue, so time to publish this then shut down for the night now I reckon.

Nite nite orl.

Today's (29th December) lunch photo

Quick and simple vegetable pizza but it tasted sooo good to have a home-cooked meal after 9 days!

This is my lunch and there may be a pasta salad snack in a few hours, if I'm hungry enough, but for now this is my lunch photo:

Afternoon pill... now taken so I'm gonna put my laptop on the floor in preparation for lunch <drool>

I was wrong, I'm sorry for my mistake

We really are having pizza for lunch after all today 'cos it's in the oven, cooking, as I type this and I'm drooling at the thought lol  There *will* be a photo after all today, thankfully.


Shower and back-ups finished...

...recycling brought in, Steve's medical appointment apparently rearranged while I was in the shower and I'm absolutely freezing but at least I don't smell or have greasy hair any more.

I'm hoping, as Steve isn't leaving the house any more today, that he'll cook for lunch, but I bet he'll come up with an excuse not to again.  At least I can have a pasta salad for lunch today though, so at least I'll be getting a few calories into me today, unlike the start of the week.  He's just said that we'll have pizza's for lunch, but I'll believe it when it's in front of me and I've taken a photo of it for you all.  If he does cook for lunch, it'll be the first time in 9 days that he's done it and I can't wait now!  I'm gonna have the pasta salad as well as the pizza so that I can increase my calories even more, while I have the chance to.

We're still seeing his family again tomorrow which'll be the second time in 6 days which has never happened with my mum since 1998!

Gonna go and do my laps in a bit to try and get a couple of FitBit blobs before lunch.

Virus scan finished, back-ups started, sooo...

...I'm gonna clamber into the shower and get dressed ready for tomorrow now.



I've now made 7 meals for my carer and he hasn't made any of mine, despite telling everyone that he "cooks all her meals for her" so he's had 7 proper meals and I've had ¾ of a packet of biscuits since Monday morning.  


I very much doubt he'll be cooking lunch today, so I'll have my pasta salad for lunch and make him another soup or a MugShot or something like that, then he's got a medical appointment later on so won't feel up to cooking then either, so it'll be 9-0 by the time I head to bed tonight.  


I'll make his breakfast for him tomorrow morning (10-0), we're going over to see his family for lunch again so he will be too tired when he comes home to make his third meal of the day, so that will be down to me too (11-0).  


I'll make his breakfast again on Friday morning (12-0) and lunch will be down to me again which takes it to 13-0 then he'll want his third meal which will be down to me which takes us to 14-0, which takes us to Saturday which is JanNo and my week off making all his meals for him.

By Friday evening, I will have eaten a packet of biscuits and three pasta salads all week and Steve won't have made any meals yet again.

Based on that up there ⮙⮙ I don't reckon my carer will care for me for even 1 minute this week 'cos he's already 10 hours behind schedule this week and I'm predicting that he won't be cooking at all this week, which is the only thing that he does for me, so I reckon this week will be a week of bugger all care, yet I'll be working overtime by the time I head to bed tonight, but apparently I'm not his carer and do nothing to support him.

Food waste has...

...gone out, I've taken my morning pills, and my weekly virus scan is now at 41% complete, so I might be able to have a shower and wash my hair before lunchtime today!  My carer has just woken up, so it's time to make his breakfast for him now.


Mornin' all

How are you all doing this morning?

According to my FitBit app, I had over 9 hours of sleep and was restless 8 times overnight, so the laps obviously wore my body out more than I thought and I feel a lot better this morning.

The weekly virus scan is underway, and already 28% of the way through, so when that's finished, I'll start the back-ups and go and have my shower while they are plodding their way through.  When the back-ups have finished I'll check my email and then go and get lunch for my carer.  I'll get his breakfast for him when he wakes up.

Gotta take my morning pills too.

And wash all the grease off my hairbrush either before I get into or when I get out... needs to be done at some point though, or washing my hair will have been pointless 'cos it'll get greasy again as soon as I use it tomorrow if I don't.

My pasta salads were delivered yesterday, so I'll be able to eat for the rest of this week if my carer doesn't cook... can't wait to get something other than biscuits in my belly!

I used my new fitness watch to some guided breathing exercises last night which seemed to help with how quickly I fell asleep too, so it's a 5 star review from me so far.  Gotta remember to take it off before I jump into the shower though 'cos it isn't suitable for hot and soapy environments for longer than 10 minutes, so I'm not gonna risk it.  I'll still have my FitBit on my ankle though, 'cos that's fine and dandy in wet environments apparently, as long as you dry it off properly when you get out and don't us it while it's wet (so let it record your steps automatically, same as normal, but don't turn the screen on while it's wet kinda thing).

I'm gonna go and put this last bag of Steve's food waste into the caddy now.

Tuesday 28 December 2021

Just taken my...

...last two pills of the day and I'm gonna start shutting down now, so that I can have another early night.  My carer has already got his third meal of the day and I've finished my glass of pop so I'm gonna start closing all my programmes so that I can head to bed as soon as the side effects start kicking in.

I'll be back again tomorrow morning.

Nite nite orl.

That's my...

...last set of laps done and my legs are now kinda going "what the..." and I'm feeling decidedly weak and unsteady now so I'm glad I went for a wee before I started the laps, 'cos it just isn't safe for me to move until I've recovered a bit now.

There's still a couple of hours before I make my carer's third meal of the day, so I'm hoping I'll have just about recovered enough to make it for him then I can take my last two pills of the day then head off to bed for a well-deserved early night tonight I reckon.

It's the weekly virus scan and back-ups tomorrow so I'll have my shower when I've started the backups so that I can make the most of the time without being able to save any documents or check my emails so my carer is just gonna have to look after himself for that little while.  He was washing his hands (in the kitchen sink) with hot water after his poo ๐Ÿ’ฉ just after I started doing my laps so that's a guaranteed cold shower for me tomorrow then ๐Ÿ˜ก  It'll wake me up and make my hair shiny though, I just won't be able to warm up before we go and see my in-laws again on Thursday is all.  Need to remember to wash my hairbrush just as I clamber into the shower otherwise it'll be pointless washing my hair 'cos it'll be greasy as soon as I brush it on Thursday!

Afternoon pill taken and...

...lunch eaten (6 biscuits), so now I'm gonna crack open my pop to try and stop the hunger pangs again... I've gotta remember that there's plenty of soya milk and bananas in the kitchen if I get too hungry though lol

More taken off my to-do list now

Our groceries have been and gone so I took them from the front door to the kitchen and put them away, then made lunch for my carer who has done absolutely nothing to help with it, so I reckon this week will be another week with minutes rather than an hour of care again 'cos the shopping is usually the only thing he helps with other than cooking our lunches, which I doubt he'll do tomorrow, so that'll be three days without any food and my entire calorie count coming from occasional biscuits and a couple of hot drinks a day.  


My carer has had the opportunity to make 4 meals for me (5 for him) but has actually made bugger all and I've made all five of his meals then it's been too unsafe to make my own, so my entire calorie count yesterday and today is gonna come from 5 biscuits a day (so 10 in total) and starting on Saturday I'll be living off one mug of instant soup a day, yet my carer is planning on having a full cooked breakfast at least twice and various meat meals during the week that I'm writing in so he will be living on several thousand calories a day and I'll be surviving on less than 100... amazing how he can motivate himself to cook meat in hot meals for him at least once a day, yet I'm lucky to get 3 cooked meals a week when I'm not writing!

He'll have to make his own meals for a change as of Saturday 'cos I'm not gonna be making any meals (other than my own soup) until I've got JanNo done and dusted for another year.  It's only twice a year that I refuse to make meals for him and I'm usually left with fridge, freezers and cupboards full of meat and dairy that I can't have for well over a week after it's finished so it'll be at least 2 weeks before I get a proper cooked meal at the start of the year because there's meat and dairy everywhere that Steve hasn't touched and I can't have, so I'll be living on biscuits until he's finished/wasted all that too.  Other than pasta sauces, instant soups and a couple of MugShots, there's literally nothing else that I can eat in the house and it'll be the same until at least the end of the second/beginning of the third week of January.


I've got 3 pasta salads in the fridge that I can have this week when my carer doesn't want to cook, but as of Saturday I'm gonna be going hungry again.


Good job I need to lose weight innit❓ ๐Ÿ˜ 

Just had our grocery substitutions email and...

...three things were out of stock and 2 were substituted with things only Steve can have, so today's grocery totals now break down like this:

My stuff:  £5.00
Steve's stuff:  £25.07
Joint stuff:  £10.12

So yet again, Steve's stuff is significantly the most expensive and over 5 times more expensive than mine as well as significantly more than double the joint stuff, but apparently he gets very little for himself every week.  He's got literally the entire grocery order next week - absolutely nothing for me or even anything we can both have, so he can't say that next week.

This was one of my FB friends' memories and...'s all soooo true for me:

My monthly virus scan has just...

...finished after about 4½ hours and I'm still free of nasties on my entire hard drive, so I'm all set for the rest of the day now.

I'm not gonna do the back-ups after all 'cos I've just checked and that's pretty much what I back-up every Wednesday, with the exception of the downloads and installation bits, so I'll wait until tomorrow and check my email for the first time today.


Just paid... invoice for another year's worth of homepage domain name and hosting for the last time this year.  It's only about £200 total a year for all my domain names and hosting, so that's not too bad.

Speeding through my to-do list this morning!

Since my carer woke up, I've:

  • made breakfast for my carer
  • woke my carer up 4 times so that he didn't drop his toast or spill his juice
  • emptied the bins and taken the bag outside
  • collected up the food waste and took that outside
  • took the toilet rolls out of the bathroom bin and put them in the appropriate bag
  • replaced the bags in both of the bins in here
  • re-started caring for my carer

So I can recover now while I'm caring for my carer, before I go and make his lunch for him, then I'll get the groceries brought in and put away then that's me done in/unsafe for the rest of the day.

Mornin' all

Just taken my pills and started choking 'cos a mouthful of squash "went down the wrong pipe" but I've just about recovered now.

I remembered not to open my email and set the monthly virus scan running, which is already at 26% after less than 10 minutes and I'm gonna back up my entire hard drive when it's finished and I've rebooted so that I've got everything ready in case my hard drive explodes or something ๐Ÿ˜„

We've gotta remember to put out our rubbish and food waste today 'cos it's being collected tomorrow instead of yesterday and I've gotta start my laps at 7am too.  Just gonna do 15 minutes twice a day for the rest of the year, then have a break while I'm writing my JanNo novel, then do the laps and sit-ups when that's done and dusted and I'll keep doing them until I've got rid of the flab and I feel more confident about walking again.  They are just laps of the downstairs of the house so that I can cling on to walls and haul myself up if my legs give way, but it'll mean that I can go back to having a couple of slices of toast for my breakfast, 'cos 1 serving of the spread alone is 530 calories, so 2 slices of spreaded toast is pretty much my entire day's calorie count, so I wanna get back into the habit of doing my laps so that I've got enough spare calories for lunch too lol

Gotta remember to have a shower tomorrow so that I can wash my hair 'cos it's totally greasy atm but because Steve's been using the hot water to wash in each morning, I'm predicting right now, at 6.45am on Tuesday 28th December, that there won't be any hot water left for me tomorrow and Steve won't want the heater on in here either so I'll be left to shiver with cold all day and won't recover until I've spent all night curled up beneath my duvet, just like on Christmas Eve, but at least that water was ever so slightly tepid rather than freezing cold.

Have I already said that I've taken my morning pills?  Well I have so I'm all dosed up until lunchtime now.

It's supposed to be soup for lunch today and I'm predicting that I'll have to make it for my carer 'cos he'll be "too exhausted after Sunday and preparing for tomorrow's hospital appointment" and I won't be steady enough on my feet to bring in two mugs, so it'll just be my carer eating again today 'cos I'll go and make his breakfast when he eventually wakes up and I'll go without again, so that the Wheat Biscuits don't go off/soggy during JanNo 'cos the packet is open to the air.  Today is looking likely to be another biscuit day already this week, which is far from healthy, but better than not eating anything at all.

My carer has just woken up, so I'm gonna go and make his breakfast for him now, so that he can go back to sleep until lunchtime.  I cared for him for 13 hours and 11 minutes yesterday and he didn't care for me at all, so he's already 5 hours below the minimum required and I'm predicting right now, at 7.02am, that it'll be the same today too.  Our groceries are coming today, so I might get 10 minutes of care out of him today, if I'm very lucky.


Monday 27 December 2021

Last pills of the day are now...

...popped and I've cared for my carer for 13 hours today.  I'm hoping for an early night tonight after the activity I've gone through over the last couple of days and preparation for Thursday too... I wanna give my body as much rest as possible while I can and I haven't hit the 8 hour target for 6 of the last 8 nights, so I don't want to screw that up any more otherwise I'll soon regret it and knowing my luck, it'll kick in just as I'm getting into my JanNo writing ๐Ÿ˜‰

I'm gonna start closing all my programmes now, so that I can just head straight off to bed as soon as I start yawning, so I'll say nite nite to you all now in the hope that I can get more than 7 hours of sleep tonight ๐Ÿ˜

That's my FitBit charged up along with my new watch, sooo...

...starting tomorrow I'm gonna restart my laps again a couple of times a day and I'm gonna hopefully work out how to test my heart rate before and after each session too, as well as potentially re-starting the sit-ups to get rid of my flabby belly now that I know I need to lose another 3.6kg to be a healthy weight, which will leave me about 2kg to put on safely without being either under- or over-weight.

JanNo starts bright and early on Saturday morning, so I'm just gonna use tomorrow and Wednesday to get my body back into the routine of exercising again without suddenly been thrown into it all of a sudden again.  We're going over to see my in-laws again on Thursday and I'll be recovering on Friday, so it'll just be a gentle stroll to get used to the exercise and new watch before I re-start properly after JanNo.

It's the monthly, deeper, virus scan tomorrow, so won't be able to access my emails until that's done and dusted, our groceries are due at lunchtime as well, then it's the weekly virus scan and backups on Wednesday, then over to the in-laws on Thursday, Friday will be my recovery day, then the write-athon starts as soon as I come down on Saturday and will take about a week or maybe 8 days, like NaNo did.

All go this week!  lol

That's me...

...afternoon pill down the hatch and I'm only 2 hours and 25 minutes away from having cared for my carer for 10 hours today, so I reckon it'll be a 12 hour day pretty easily, maybe even approaching 15 hours for the third time in as many days.

Still waiting for my delivery to arrive and we think Steve's delivery will arrive at the same time 'cos we've both got the same arrival time slot in our accounts.  I'll need to charge up my FitBit again when the deliveries have turned up and I'll charge the new fitness watch up at the same time... hopefully it'll be third time lucky with this one lol

Assuming this fitness watch actually works, I'll start doing my laps this afternoon if it's charged up in time or after JanNo is done and dusted if not.

Another edit to tomorrow's order...

...and apparently Steve "will have another look later on" so the breakdown now looks like this:

My stuff:  £5.00
Steve's stuff:  £25.99
Joint stuff:  £13.12

Which is a lot more like the usual shop totals with Steve's stuff alone costing considerably more than half of the entire order and I bet it'll be my stuff (3 pasta salads) that will come off to make room for even more of Steve's stuff so I won't have anything to eat for this week either because Steve will have his MugShots etc and he will come up with another excuse not to cook proper meals this week.

Not a happy bunny at all, but I knew it would happen.

Not even 10.30am yet, but...

...I've already cared for my carer for over 5 hours this morning so potentially another 12 hour day in the making?

It's 10.32am now and my carer is awake, so it's officially 5 hours and 12 minutes so far today... I give him 5 minutes before he's drifted back to sleep again.

We're officially not having lunch today because "I'm still stuffed after the weekend, so no lunch made by anyone today" based how hungry or otherwise my carer is, not what's healthy or how hungry I might be.  I bet it'll be the same tomorrow too, but he'll use the groceries coming as an excuse then.

10.38am and he's asleep, so I was 1 minute out in my prediction up there ⮙⮙

Our grocery breakdown for tomorrow

Steve's just edited our grocery order for tomorrow so the final totals now break down like this:

My stuff:  £10.76
Steve's stuff:  £17.64
Joint stuff:  £15.12

So it's a lot more evenly spread this week, but Steve's got over £49 worth of groceries entirely to himself next week and I've got literally nothing 'cos of JanNo then the week after that when I'll hopefully have finished JanNo I've got 4 bottles of pop and that's it, so back to normal again.

Apparently he gets such a small amount of stuff that's just for him on each week's groceries though ๐Ÿคท

I was wrong earlier on, I'm sorry about that!

I said in one of my posts that today would be a zero calorie day, yeah?  Well I was wrong about that 'cos I've just finished off last weeks ice tea, so I'll be living on 72 calories today, rather than none at all... sorry about that.

I certainly won't be eating today if my carer decides not to cook though, that bit is still up in the air until closer to the time.

Pills taken now, soooo...

...I'm all set for the day.  I've got a delivery coming from Amazon today and so has Steve, so I'm hoping they will come together so that I only need to answer the door once 'cos I won't be answering it a second time if they come separately!

Time to crack on with my emails and check the forum now.


My carer has just come in and said he "don't want breakfast, I'll just have me muffins" so I'm predicting, at 5.51am, he won't be cooking lunch either, so it looks like the first day of the week with absolutely no calories for me.

Looks like...

...I'll be having a cold shower on Wednesday then, 'cos Steve's used all the water in the emersion heater to get washed for the last 3 days and it takes a week of no hot water for it to heat up, so Steve'll be getting washed in hot water on Wednesday morning and I'll be left with, at best, barely tepid water to have a shower and wash my hair on Wednesday late morning.

I'll know that in future I need to boil the kettle to fill the bath and wash my hair so that he can have hot water to wash in every morning.  I also know that I need to go back to washing my hair in the bath again too, which is frustrating to say the least, but needs must I suppose.

Mornin' all

I changed my mind about not doing the spreadsheet this week 'cos we're going over to Steve's family again, so that'll likely be another huge day of caring, but I'll only go until bedtime on Friday with this sheet 'cos JanNo starts on Saturday and will hopefully finish next weekend so I'll only be missing one week of caring until November, but I don't see why my carer should get a week of free care out of me when he gets paid to provide at least 35 hours yet only managed 1 hour and 18 minutes last week.

He's just woken up, so I've cared for my carer for 56 minutes so far already today, so I'll go and get a glass of water then take my morning pills.

The virus scan was clear, so I'm still currently free of nasties.

Sunday 26 December 2021

By the time I've shut down my computer, it'll be...

...8.10pm and I'll have just scraped through the 90 hours this week, so I'm going to bed happy, knowing that I've done 55 hours of unpaid overtime this week.

I'm not gonna let the lack of payment bring down my mood though 'cos I've hit the magic 90 hours and doubt I'll be doing that until next year now.

It's 8.10pm, so I'm gonna update the spreadsheet for the final time until I've finished my writing and head off to beddy-byes.

Nite nite orl.

Just taken my last pills of the week and...

...I'm just about within touching distance of the unachievable now 'cos 8.10pm is the magic time I'm aiming for tonight and that'll be a 90 hour week for the first time since I started recording it.  I'm not gonna record the caring I do next week 'cos JanNo starts on Saturday so my OCD wouldn't like an incomplete spreadsheet, so I'll start again on the first full week after JanNo.  It's a good way to end the recording though... makes me feel positive and motivated to finish as soon as I can so that I can start recording starting in 2022 now that I'm pretty much into the routine of it.

Just in case I don't put up another post before I head to bed, I'll say nite nite to you all now and I'll see you, knowing me and my body, waaaay too early in the morning.

Spot on

Afternoon pill taken and...

...weekly pill organiser refilled.  


For the second week on the trot I've taken every pill that I've needed to, without a single missed one (yesterday's was a few hours late, but I still took it) and I've really noticed the difference that missing even one day's dose makes to my body.

Time to refil my bottle with squash then that's it until bedtime then.

Today's (26th December) lunch photo

I polished off the rest of the home-made nut roast for lunch and it was just as good cold as it was hot!  Got a bit dry after a while though, so added a smidgen of brown sauce to it so that it had more moisture to it, then polished off the rest of it.

By lunchtime, it'll be...

...6 hours of care by me for my carer just this morning alone and my carer's entire weekly total will remain at 1 hour and 18 minutes and he will have cooked a grand total of 1 meal this week which is faaaar from the "cook every meal for her" that he gushes to people that he does.  When he wakes up I'll go and get his lunch for him then sort out my own assuming my legs are stable enough, but if they're not then I won't have anything at all for lunch again.


I'm gonna go and make my carer's lunch at 12.10pm 'cos that's exactly 6 hours of care this morning, which'll hopefully mean easier calculations this afternoon and then I've got to remember to do the entire week's calculation before I head to bed tonight.

It's 12.10pm now so I'm gonna go and get my carer's lunch and hope that my legs are strong enough to make my own after that.


I'm actually really...

...surprised/shocked/delighted/relieved that I haven't needed to have my annual public explosion so far this year.  There is still 6 days left to go, so I might have to eat my words next week, but I don't feel anywhere near as pressured and used and quite frankly overwhelmed with no support as I have for the last few years... I'm actually feeling surprisingly positive and even supported this year, thanks to one of my blog readers who went out of his way to support me and accepted my rants since just before NaNo.  I don't know his name but I'm hoping he knows who he is 'cos there's no way I would have felt so placid now without his support.  Thank you so much, TLU - I've really appreciated your support and I hope you're having the best time as possible where you are and I wish you all the love and support you've given me over the last couple of months!

Blimey that was a long paragraph lol

Gonna go and make myself a vegan malted drink now that my carer has woken up and I've taken a toilet roll ๐Ÿงป through to the bathroom for him.  Only gotta care for him for another 46 minutes today, then that's the 5 hours minimum done and dusted.  The current weekly care for my carer is already over 82 hours, so 85 hours should be pretty achievable and might even creep towards 90 hours after all, which there's no way I thought was possible and means that I've done well over 2½ times the minimum required this week alone!

Next week will be a low caring week 'cos JanNo starts on Saturday so won't be caring for my carer for the first week to 10 days of January, the same as I didn't during November... it's the only 20 days a year that I refuse to care for my carer.

It's Sunday today, yeah?  If it is, then I'll have to remember to refill my pill reminder box up after I've taken my lunchtime pill so that I don't get into a flap about it tomorrow morning when it's completely empty.

Today's (26th December) breakfast photo

I very much doubt that this'll be the only meal I have today 'cos we've both got left-overs from Christmas lunch yesterday, so I'll plate that up at lunchtime and be able to eat twice today.

This is just my usual breakfast of Wheat Biscuits, soya milk and a reasonable sprinkling of sugar.

Mornin' all

How are you doing this morning?

We're pondering on getting a 'hostess trolley' to take plates and cutlery and mugs and bowls from the kitchen into here and back again, so that we can do it all at the same time instead of having to go backwards and forwards... I'm predicting right now, at 6.33am, that it'll be down to me to find, research and buy it though!  I'm also predicting, at 6.34am, that if we do get one, I'll be the only one using it 'cos my carer will put his plate/bowl/mug on the trolley then fall asleep and the same on the 2-3 days a week that he cooks - he'll put the plates and cutlery on the trolley then come in here and sit down for the rest of the afternoon and evening.  I'd love to be wrong, but don't think I will be.


I've already cared for my carer for an hour this morning, so when I've taken my morning pills, I'll go and make our breakfasts then my carer will fall asleep until l go and make our lunch, then fall asleep again until I go to bed, maybe with the odd hot drink (made by me of course) dotted in and left to go to waste throughout the day.



That's my morning pills taken and emails checked, so it's time to make breakfast for both of us now.  There will be a photo of my breakfast and lunch today and it's unlikely to be the mug of soup that's on the menu ๐Ÿ˜†

I'll set the virus scan going while I'm making breakfast for both of us and hoping that my machine is still free of yucky things.

Saturday 25 December 2021

Today, I've somehow managed to achieve...

...over 15 hours of care for my carer, which means I've only got 2 hours and 11 minutes of care to go to reach the magic 80 hour week - dare I risk thinking that I'll manage 90 hours this week❓❓❓

I'm heading off to beddy-byes now, but I'll be back again in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

My prediction was... on 'cos I've just fetched a bottle of pop for my carer at the same time as my own.

What a loooong day it's been!

Just got back from spending all day with my in-laws and it was nowhere near as bad as I was dreading, thankfully!  I totally pigged out at lunchtime, but it was only 973 calories and the majority of that came from the Christmas pud!

I've taken my afternoon pill a few hours late, but I've still swallowed it which means that I've taken every single pill I've needed to for the last 13 days and I really have noticed the difference with taking every one of them at the right time.

I'm absolutely shattered, so I'm thinking it'll be an early night and hopefully a late morning tomorrow.

We're thinking that we'll have the stuff we brought back with us for lunch tomorrow, instead of the instant soup, 'cos that just needs to be taken out of the fridge, slid onto a plate, brought in here and eaten instead of risking my legs giving way while I wait for the kettle to boil.


So far today, I've cared for my carer for over 11 hours already but not keeping an eye on his breathing while he's asleep for a change... this was more of an emotional support.

I'm gonna go and get a bottle of pop for myself to try and quench my thirst a bit and I'm predicting that my carer will want me to get him a bottle of pop at the same time, just like normal.

I hope you've had the best day possible today too... I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

Good morning and Merry Christmas!

Mornin' all.

I'm only gonna be around for the next couple of hours before we head on up to my in-laws so there will be very few blog posts until late afternoon/early evening, depending on how wiped out I am when we get home.

I've spent my mum's Amazon voucher on a fitness watch that'll be here on Monday and I've still got C's left to spend... I'm thinking maybe a cardigan or even a dress or something like that?

I've taken my morning pills and I'm charging up my phone and I'm gonna shut down at about 9.15am in preparation.  I've already supported my carer for well over 2 hours this morning and he still hasn't supported me at all.

There won't be any food photo's today (but I'll definitely be eating for the first time in a couple of days) and potentially tomorrow, but hopefully there will be starting again on Monday.

The virus scan was clear so I'm all set for the day now.

I hope you all enjoy your day and weekend as much as possible.  See you all later on or tomorrow or whatever.

Friday 24 December 2021

Just taken my last pills of the day, sooo...'s time to start closing all my various programmes, shut down and head off to beddy-byes.

Nite nite orl.

Today's (24th December) only food photo

I figured I'd better eat something solid so that I don't have to go rushing off for a wee every 10 minutes tomorrow lol

Didn't make...

...lunch for my carer after all 'cos he was already digging into the mince pies by the time I came out of the bathroom and back into here, so he's had several mini mince pies, at least one muffin and a flapjack for his lunch and I've had precisely nothing other than a couple of glasses of cream soda and a mug of vegan malted milk and a decaf coffee today.

Just in case I forget to say it later today and don't log on before I head to bed tomorrow, I wanna wish all those who celebrate it a happy Christmas - stay safe and healthy as you celebrate tomorrow.

Pills popped, still hungry and freezing cold, but... long as my carer is happy then that's all that matters, right?

On track for hitting the 10 hours of care by about 5pm today, so possibly another 12 hour day and my carer remains at 78 minutes of care for me and I've already worked over 20 hours of overtime this week.

Steve's already set his heart on rehoming another dog, but didn't read the information very closely 'cos the dog needs more space than we've got, needs a private area to escape to which we have never had, doesn't like cats or children and needs several visits to build up a bond before their forever family take them home for good.  We haven't had a car for a decade so I don't know how Steve was thinking we'd get there as many times as needed!  I can also guarantee that the care and food and vet bills and insurance and other expenses, as well as feeding and watering and training and daily walks would be down to me yet again.  He doesn't even support me when I need it, let alone another living, breathing, sentient being!

I've got less than a tenner left over each month after all the bills and groceries have been paid, so there's no way I can afford all the extra expenses and neither can Steve until he's paid off all of his arrears on debts and the mortgage and water and his credit cards and the money he still owes me too.

I would dearly love to rehome another dog, but one of us has got to be realistic and sensible.

That's my carer...

...eating for the day and me definitely going hungry 'cos while I was making my carer's breakfast, I checked the ingredients on the boxes of mince pies and they've got an allergen in them, so my carer will be eating another 24 mince pies this week alone and I will have had less than 6 since the start of December.

I'll be making my carer's soup so that he can have something other than sugar (muffins, mince pies and flapjacks) for his lunch and my entire calorie count will come from either pop or a hot drink (assuming I'm stable enough to make them safely of course).

I'm absolutely freezing cold, but my carer isn't, so the heater won't be going on until he is so I'll be very cold and very hungry all day today, but that's nothing new for me.

Mornin' all

So far this morning I've:

  • cared for my carer for an hour
  • had a barely tepid bath
  • shaved my legs and arms
  • got dressed
  • re-started caring for my carer

I'm gonna leave the water heater on until the end of December when I'll have my bath so that I can hopefully feel slightly warmer than I do now, then turn it off and not have a bath or shower until at least the end of January and I'm gonna put the water heater on for two weeks then so that there's more chance of having a little touch of hot water left after my carer has used it for those entire two weeks otherwise it'll have to be on permanently again, which I can't afford, but don't see why my carer gets to wash in hot water at the kitchen sink and I'm left with a barely tepid bath every few months.


I'll take my pills and make breakfast for my carer while I wait for his Amazon package to turn up, 'cos he's not gonna answer the door even if he's awake. 


My carer has just woken up and gone through to the bathroom for a "potential poo" ๐Ÿ’ฉ so I had to get him the second toilet roll in two days, yet I worked out recently that one single roll lasts me the best part of 3 weeks!


Time for me to refil my glass with more pop then take my morning pills while I wait for the Amazon delivery.  In a way I hope it comes while my carer is in the bathroom and he never closes the bathroom door while he's in there and I've given up prompting him now, so it's his own fault if he gets seen sitting on the toilet by a delivery person.  I've already got a video of him while I was videoing the puppy a couple of years ago which has been approved by YouTube but has an adult rating which is fine by me... if he wants to make his visits to the bathroom public then I'm not gonna stop him any more.



That's my morning pills taken and my glass refilled, my carer is out of the bathroom and I bet he'll be asleep before I publish this again too.


In preparation for tomorrow's pig-out my carer is having "instant soup and bits and pieces like my muffins and peanuts and flapjacks" so I'll be going hungry and surviving on just glasses of pop again today then.  Good job I need to lose weight, innit?


The virus scan has finished and my machine is still clear, so I'd best go and make my carer's breakfast now I s'pose.  




Thursday 23 December 2021

My carer is... deeply asleep that he's snoring, so it's gonna be yet another late night for me as well as potentially tomorrow and the same as it has been every day for at least the last two or three weeks, but I guess that doesn't matter, right?  As long as my carer gets almost 20 hours of sleep out of every 24, then nothing else matters, right?  I wouldn't have believed that number if I hadn't been recording it on my spreadsheet either, but he spends all night and the vast majority of every day asleep... since I came down at 6.32am, he's spent very nearly 10½ hours asleep.

Just had the reminder come up for my evening pills, so I'd best take 'em before I forget.


OK, that's my last pills of the day down the hatch, so I'll head to bed when my carer wakes up for long enough for me to say goodnight to him.  I'll say nite nite to you all too, just in case I don't come back here before I head to bed.

See you all at some point tomorrow morning.

Literally just remembered to...

...put my FitBit on to charge up so that it keeps recording my sleep tonight and I won't have to worry about charging it up when I'm in the bath.  I'll charge it up again just after I've had my shower before we go over again for M's birthday just before New Years Eve too, then I can come home and get into my writing headspace ready for 1st January and JanNo.

I need to remember to check my Spotify playlist is ready to rock and roll and that yWriter doesn't have any updates and has saved all my chapter plans too otherwise I won't be starting JanNo in a good mood at all lol.  Aksherly, I'll do both of those things now, so that I can cross them off my end-of-year to-do list - BRB


That's yWriter5 sorted and it has remembered everything I planned out and I seem to have planned out another main character who is either transgender or who I've deliberately chosen a name that can be use for either gender for so that'll stretch me and make things interesting as I get into their head - I'll just have to remember to use they/their instead of she/her or he/him again.  It's not gonna be a major plotline or anything, but I want those who aren't sure of their gender to feel included too and I've found very few books written from that perspective, so I'm trying to do my bit to redress the balance as much as I can.


Spotify is sorted too, so I'm all ready to rock and roll next weekend now.


That's the groceries been and gone...

...and considering how close we are to Christmas Day, we were both pleasantly surprised at how much of our order was actually in stock.  The vegetable nuggets were replaced with meat-free hot dogs, so I've put meaty hot dogs on Tuesday's order, but no rolls, so we can have those and hopefully finish off the chips that have been in the little freezer for weeks on end.  It'd be a good opportunity to have frozen veg like the sprouts or mixed veg or whatever, but I'm definitely not holding my breath with that!

I've provided exactly 10 hours of care to my carer so far today, and it'll be at least another hour and a half before I head to bed, so I stand a good chance of making it an 11 hour day today after all.

Steve's literally just told me that he's expecting a delivery from Amazon tomorrow which he seems to be expecting me to bring in for him so I'll potentially have to be up until after 10pm tomorrow, but I've gotta have a bath 'cos I stink too, so I'll have to time that around his delivery time and it won't be the long, hot, relaxing, bubble bath that I was hoping for either, seemingly.

Not a happy bunny now.

Today's (23rd December) lunch photo

After eating waaay too many calories so far this week and needing to keep my calories low in preparation for Saturday's Christmas lunch with my in-laws, I'm just having the flapjack for lunch today and I had a bar of chocolate for breakfast so that adds up to 589 calories and I'm genuinely not hungry, so that'll be it for food today.

Here's today's lunch photo:

As predicted this morning.... carer is having the mince pies as well as loads of dry roasted peanuts and 4 slices of spreaded toast this morning, so his calorie count is 6,170 so far today and mine is 589 'cos of the vegan chocolate for breakfast and the flapjack for my lunch and I bet he'll be having his tea too, but I won't be eating anything else today.  I'll put the non-bitchy blog post and photo up in a separate blog post now.


I've decided... not do the news between now and when I've finished JanNo, so that I can give everyone a break from it over the festive period and I can focus on my writing instead of spending hours a day finding news things to put on here and my site for you all. I'll restart after about 10th January, but I need to get through the festive season and JanNo first.

I'll still be posting various things on my blog, just no news for a fews weeks.

Please keep coming back and reading my drivel because this is just for me and the only way to find out how I'm feeling and what I'm up to each day.  I'd love it if you left me a comment on my posts 'cos that keeps me motivated to keep posting - especially when I ask for opinions!

Lunch today will potentially be...

... 6 mince pies for my carer and a flapjack for me 'cos we've potentially got another 2 packs of mince pies coming today and I've had 2 mince pies on 1st December and none since then, despite getting 12 each week, so my carer has had 34 and I've had 2 so far during December.  The flapjack is about 400 calories so that will be my entire calorie count today because I haven't had any breakfast (my legs are too weak and unstable after being on my feet while I make my carer's breakfast) so I'll hopefully have lost a bit of weight on Monday, even if I have a huge lunch on Saturday.  


Maybe I don't need to do laps any more to lose weight if I'm forced to eat so little every day?

Mornin' all

Woke up at a much more reasonable time this morning and managed to grab 9 hours and 42 minutes of sleep, so my body obviously needed the rest after yesterday afternoon and evening.  

Our groceries are due between 4pm and 5pm today, so hopefully it'll come closer to the start of the slot rather than later.

I've taken my morning pills now, so I'm all set until lunchtime now.  Just gotta make my carer's breakfast for him when he wakes up properly for more than a minute. I've already cared more for him so far this morning, than he's cared for me for the entire week combined.

It's supposed to be Cous Cous for lunch today, so I'm making a prediction right now, at 7.55am, that my carer will come up with an excuse not to make it and it'll be down to me to make it for him and I'll go hungry or neither of us will eat if my legs are too weak and wobbly.

The daily virus scan has finished and I'm still free from nasties, thankfully.

I don't think I'll get above 10 hours of care for my carer today 'cos of waking up an hour later than normal, but that's OK 'cos I'm already working unpaid overtime.

My carer has just woken up and wants his breakfast, so I'd best go and get it for him while he's awake.


Wednesday 22 December 2021

2 hours and 18 minutes...

...overtime so far this week, but I'm heading off to beddy-byes now and I'll see you all tomorrow.

Nite nite orl.

On top of everything else, I'm now...

...seriously triggered after a new FB friend started talking about his previous s*xual relationships and I'm re-living my r*pes and s*xual assaults now too which is making me feel so much better </sarcasm>.

I've had enough, I really have

I've been trying to reach out for support for years but it always goes back to the person I'm trying to reach out to so I end up supporting them when I'm barely clinging on myself.

I've tried to talk to my carer and he just can't stop himself from falling asleep. 

I've tried reaching out to D but she's got a lot of her own things going on right now. 

I've tried reaching out to C but he doesn't know how to help or what to say to support me.

I've tried reaching out on the forum and everyone gets worried that maybe the support needs support for a change.

I've tried reaching out on FB and I'm ignored.

I've tried talking to people via DM and it always goes back to them in under 5 messages.

I've tried reaching out to my GP but he's already got too much on his plate with Covid.

I've tried reaching out to my mum but it always goes back to how well my brother is doing.

Apparently I'm going to see the in-laws twice within 5 days at the end of the year.

I pay for the groceries but the majority of the stuff is stuff purely for Steve.

I pay for the electric but Steve gets the credit for it because it's in his name.

I've bought gifts for literally everyone for every birthday and Christmas for the last 20 years, but it's Steve that takes the credit for that too, even when his name isn't on the tag and I "must have forgotten to add my name, but it definitely is from me too".

I've made suggestions that have been totally rejected to my face then the person I suggested it to takes full credit for the idea when it turns out to be good/accurate.

When I've followed someone's suggestion and it turns out to be totally wrong that's my fault.

Perish the thought that I should need support.

I have to hold it in and cope by harming myself in secret.

I can't remember the last time I could afford to buy new clothes for myself, yet apparently I can afford to pay a small fortune for Steve's clothes.

My mum got a large Amazon voucher for both of us for Christmas last year, but Steve spent every penny of it on things that he wanted and I didn't see a penny of it.

I'm mentally and physically disabled and this is as good as I will ever get, yet I've got bugger all support because my carer apparently "does everything for her" so he gets support and credit and money, yet I rarely get above 2 hours of care out of him a week and I frequently spend over 75 hour a week caring for him but apparently I don't do anything for him.

I really am at the end of my rope again, but no-one gives a fuck as long as I'm there for them.  I've done my research this time though, and just need to get my Will written then that's it, once and for all.

Tomorrow's grocery order...

...breaks down like this:

My stuff:  £4.72
Steve's stuff:  £20.98
Joint stuff:  £18.79

So, as always, Steve's stuff is the most expensive and costs just under half of the entire order and includes fish and meat pastes that could go onto totally his order at the start of January, but no, "what am I going to have for my sarnies if I don't have that??"

I'm gonna put the spreads onto his January order and put the sandwich fillers that he eats straight out of the container onto tomorrow's order instead... bear with me and I'll put the final totals on here for you all:

My stuff:  £4.72
Steve's stuff:  £22.01
Joint stuff:  £18.79

So Steve's stuff is over £3 more expensive than the joint stuff and yet again it's the majority of the order.  He's got tins of tuna on the order as well as meat in the fridge that he can have in his sandwiches, a fiver's worth of yoghurts as well as cereal that he can have for his breakfast as well as Pepperami's and I'm predicting right now, that the majority of that will be untouched when our next grocery order arrives on Tuesday.

Saying that though, the first order of 2022 is even worse:

My stuff:  £0.00
Steve's stuff:  £43.73
Joint stuff:  £0.00

I'm not even joking... that entire order is entirely Steve's and I predict that most of it will be left over and/or wasted... it's like pouring money I can't afford down the drain!

This morning's prediction was...

...almost spot on.

My carer came home, ranted for half an hour then said he fancied a MugShot for his lunch, so I made him that and was left with the option of my Graze box or nothing, so I had my Graze box so that I had something solid in my stomach since breakfast.  I can't safely move all afternoon after being on my feet for so long making my carer's lunch now.  I've made him 4 meals and he's made both of us one which is far from the every meal he tells everyone he makes.  I'll have to make his toast tomorrow too and it's cous cous on the menu for tomorrow which I'm predicting, at 12.42pm, that he'll find an excuse (probably about being to exhausted after "helping" with the shopping) not to make so I'll go hungry tomorrow after I've made his breakfast.  Same on Friday, he'll expect me to make his breakfast then won't want any lunch "in preparation for tomorrow" (Christmas Day) so I've potentially eaten everything solid until after Christmas now and then my carer will be too full to eat for a few days then JanNo starts so it'll be a maximum of a mug of soup a day for at least a week then too.  Apparently he "makes all her meals" though, which is total bollox.


Sorry for the rant... I'm just fed up of him lieing and claiming credit for things he doesn't and has never done.


All sorted for another week now

The virus scan and backups have both finished and I've put the external hard drive away for the next 7 days.

Accidentally opening up one of my email programmes didn't seem to affect the time it took for the virus scan to finish and the backups were finished in about the same time as normal too, so the rest of the day is back to normal again now.

I've made myself a drinking chocolate to try and get rid of the icicles on my fingertips and I think I'm allowed 'cos this is only my 5th or 6th mug in about 4 tubs... Steve's had the rest of it, same as with most things.

I've just checked the menu for today and it's supposed to be pasta 'n' sauce, but I'm predicting right now, at 10.55am that my carer won't want to cook it, so I'll have to make him a soup and just have my Graze box instead of a proper lunch again.  Out of the six meals he says he cooks by Wednesday lunchtime, he's only actually cooked once so far and that was only 'cos I refused to eat if he didn't cook.

That was unexpected!

The virus scan was done and dusted (and still, thankfully, didn't find any nasties) before 8am so the backups are already under way and will definitely be finished before lunchtime, possibly even before Steve gets back from his medical appointment too!

My legs are unstable and wobbly after making my breakfast, so unless my carer cooks something for both of us, I'll be having my Graze box for lunch.


Maybe I won't get the virus scan and backups finished by lunchtime after all then!

I've just opened one of my email programmes by accident so the virus scan will have to go through each of my hundreds of thousands of emails now!

Not to worry though, it was an honest mistake.

Today's (22nd December) breakfast photo

Just had my first breakfast for four days and it could potentially be my only meal again, depending on how stable my legs feel when I've made my hubby's instant soup at lunchtime.

Here's the photo:

Pills taken and...

...I've just worked out that I need to care for my carer for 7 hours and 33 minutes for the rest of the week to hit the required 35 hours which I reckon will be done well before I head to bed tonight.  Going over to Steve's family for Christmas lunch will, I reckon, stop me from hitting 80 hours this week, but that's OK as long as I double the required time, I'll be happy with that.

Time for my breakfast now I reckon.

Mornin' all

I wasn't kidding about it bright and early last night, was I?  lol  I was awake, down here and caring for my carer before ๐Ÿ•” 5am this morning and I've already put in 50 minutes of care this morning.

I've set off the weekly virus scan, so hopefully I'll get that and the back-ups finished by about lunchtime today then I can make my carer's lunch for him.  I remembered not to open up my email programmes so that's one thing less to get stressed about this morning.

Gaia (and the Green Man??) have told me to hold off on getting the fitness watch until February, so I'm guessing there will be a product test or sale or cashback or something like that available then, so I'll be watch-less until then, but if waiting a couple of months saves me money then I don't mind too much.

According to my caring spreadsheet, I've got under 9 hours of care left to provide today before I start working overtime this week, so I reckon I'll get that done and dusted by early afternoon, then the rest of my day and week will be overtime.  It's not gonna be such a huge amount of overtime this week 'cos my carer will prolly stay awake and chatting to his family at least on Saturday morning, but if he overdoes it with Christmas lunch then I predict that he'll spend some of the afternoon asleep at his parents lol

Time to take my morning pills now, then go and make my breakfast I reckon.


1 hour and 5 minutes of care this morning and counting.


Tuesday 21 December 2021

It's pills then bed time now, sooooo...

...I'm gonna say nite nite to you all and I'll prolly be back bright and early in the morning.  Gotta remember not to open my email programmes until the virus scans and backups have finished tomorrow.  It'll be instant soup for my carer's lunch and either instant soup, my Graze box or nothing again, depending on how safe and stable I feel on my feet by lunchtime and if I have breakfast too.



That's my pills popped, so just gotta wait for the side effects to kick in now, then I can head to bed, but I'm gonna say nite nite two ewe orl now and I'll see you when I come down tomorrow.


Today's (21st December) afternoon snack

My Graze box was delivered just as I took the first bite of my lunch, so I'm having an afternoon snack to bump up my calorie count a little bit more today.

I tried the Marmite Corn punnet first off and it was good, but made my thumb slighly sore so it must have had some salt in it or something.

I'm gonna have breakfast tomorrow 'cos my carer won't want to eat before he travels, so I'll be having a couple of Wheat Biscuits for my breakfast then hopefully remembering to rate the other new Graze item in this box, potentially for lunch if Steve doesn't fancy cooking again.

Here's the photo:

Today's (21st December) lunch photo

Steve's had the rest of the loaf of bread and doesn't fancy cooking again today, so my lunch is 3 slices of wholemeal "toastie" bread without spread which is only 258 calories, but I had 3 bananas for breakfast and a home-made blueberry smoothie about an hour ago, so I've got 852 calories to live off today.

Here's my lunch photo:

Yet again...

...I'm going without a cooked lunch 'cos my carer wants "a Greggs or Subway for lunch so that I can save my pizza for your NaNo thing" so it's a good job I saved those 3 slices of bread this morning then!


I've had 3 bananas for my breakfast, 3 slices of bread and my Graze box for lunch and I'll go to bed hungry yet again.  I'll take a photo of my lunch when I go and get it in a couple of hours to share with you all as proof of just how little I'm eating this week.


Good job I need to lose weight, innit?!


That's the FitBit things sorted for...

...another week.  The emaill report came surprisingly early today, so it's already up on my site's FitBit page if you wanna see it?

Mornin' again all

First off, I hope any fellow Pagans reading this blog enjoy Yule this year and that you safely celebrate the New Year tonight.

Second off, I've already cared for my carer for 80 minutes this morning and there are 3 slices of bread left, so I'll have those for my lunch today if my carer doesn't cook, so that they aren't wasted.  He's got his regular medical appointment in the morning, so won't want any breakfast otherwise he'll get travel sick apparently.

I've got my weekly 2 servings of Lipton Ice Tea for breakfast and I've got one more in the bottle, so I might finish that off at the weekend 'cos I'm allowed "two or three servings of caffeine a week" according to my GP and I usually stop at 2 servings and I've got 1 more left in the bottle, so I'll finish the week off with a rare third serving of caffeine.

I've gotta take my morning pills now, so hold on while I take 'em before I forget again.


OK, they're all down the hatch and I've already drunk 2 litres of liquid this morning and it's not even ๐Ÿ•ข 7.30am yet!  It's looking like another 4 litre day today, especially if I don't have anything cooked for lunch.

This blog post is already waaaay too long, so I'll shut up and crack on with the news now.


Monday 20 December 2021

That's me logging off for the night now

I've taken my last two pills of the day and they are already kicking in, so I'm gonna say goodnight to you all and shut down now.

See you bright and early in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

Dosed up until this evening now

Just taken my lunchtime pill, so I can spend the afternoon groaning and burping after my lunch now lol

Today's (20th December) lunch photo

Cor lummy am I bloated now!

Today's lunch was a very yummy Pasta Bake and I'm soooo glad Steve cooked it for us... I don't think either of us will be doing much this afternoon though lol


The rubbish has just been picked up and... carer is stroppy/angry with me for playing him at his own game for a change but I really don't care right now.  From now on I'll be playing him at his own game.  If he doesn't cook tomorrow then I'll have my Graze box and Wednesday will be instant soup made by me, so we'll just butt heads again on Thursday and Friday 'cos we're going over to my in-laws for Christmas lunch yet again, so we are very likely to be too bloated to eat on Boxing Day then I'll start again if necessary next week until the start of JanNo when it'll be soup for me and meat for Steve for the first week or more, but we're both prepared for that 'cos it only happens in November (NaNo) and January (JanNo).

From now on, Steve, I'll make your plans as frustrating as you make mine.

News on 20th December 2021

Icons made by Freepik from

20th December 2021

Workers have already cut their social contacts to lockdown levels, so can they really be expected to tolerate further curbs?

Anger over child deaths should not trigger knee-jerk overhaul of social care policy

DOMINIC LAWSON: Children like tragic Star Hobson die because social workers don't question the devastating danger of modern broken families

Meghan Markle ‘struggled’ with giving up control social media accounts

Meghan Markle 'really struggled' with removal of her social media 'Harry tried to explain'

Europe has rediscovered the social market economy

How to have a dialogue with students about healthy social media consumption

Meghan Markle ‘really struggled’ with the removal of social media handles

Why do we value old friendships over new ones?

Friendship – Information

Drawing the line between friendship and intimacy

Ending the toxic friendships harming people and planet

‘The Challenge’: Tori Deal Responds to Rumors She ‘Uses’ Friendship With Aneesa Ferreira

School 2021: Young Joo's anger is a hurdle to mending friendship with Ki Joon, his crush on Ji Won is no help

Giving a unique and invisible gift to another


I was wrong this morning, I'm sorry

I said in one of my earlier posts that I wasn't hungry, right?  Well my belly started rumbling when I made my carer his hot chocolate, so maybe I am hungry after all.  I apologise for my mistake.


My carer said that he was "definitely gonna cook today" so I really hope he does so that I can stop my belly from rumbling and hurting from hunger.  I'm still gonna only eat when my carer (and his mum on Christmas Day) cooks, including not even having the juice for breakfast, so my calorie count on most days is gonna be zero, but I'm fed up of living on biscuits and fruit for the majority of the week. I'll devour tomorrow's Graze box, but other than that, it'll be water when my carer doesn't cook and therefore zero calories a day... far from healthy, but it'll give everyone a chance to see how little my carer actually cooks.


Recycling has just been collected, sooo...

...I've brought the bag and boxes back into the house and wished two of the collectors a merry Christmas and thanked the lady who took our recycling over to the van.  It doesn't cost a thing to say thank you and I like to think that maybe it brightens their day and even motivates them to carry on with their day.  Just waiting for the rubbish to be collected now and I'll thank them and wish them a merry Christmas too!


Pills taken...

...including a 5-HTP and 4 sprays of the B12 to hopefully keep me more stable and have more energy today, so time to code and upload the spreadsheet now, then I can keep caring for my carer until the rubbish and recycling is collected so that I can bring the bags and box in.

Just weighed myself and...

...I've lost 1.15kg in the last 7 days, so assuming my carer only cooks twice again this week and I have a huge Christmas lunch on Saturday I'll hopefully have lost another 1.5kg by next Monday.  I'm the top end of the weight range I should be now though, so I've only got 3.7kg left to lose to be down to where the NHS site says I should be and my doctor's surgery agreed, so I'm hoping that I'll be pretty much there by the end of January 'cos I'll only be having zoop during JanNo, so that should help to take my weight down a bit too.

Time to download the FitBit spreadsheet, put it onto my site and take my morning pills now I reckon... you watch me forget to do the spreadsheet though lol

Mornin' all

I've come to a decision for this week - with the exception of tomorrow's Graze box and Christmas Day, the only time I will be eating is when my carer cooks for us, so no biscuits or fruit or cereal or even bread like I've been eating for the last several weeks - if my carer doesn't cook, I don't eat, simple as that.  I'll be living on water alone unless my carer makes a hot drink for both of us.  I'm fed up to the back teeth of him claiming credit for making 14 meals a week for me but the reality is that he makes a maximum of 3.  I'm past the point of caring now and I've missed so many meals that I genuinely don't feel hungry any more.  I'd love to eat twice a day, I really would, but the reality is that it's more like twice a week.

My carer has just woken up and wants his breakfast, so I'm not even going to have orange juice 'cos my carer isn't making breakfast so I'm not eating/drinking.  I'll go and make his toast then take my first pills of the week on an empty stomach.

The virus scan was clear, so after I've made my carer's toast and taken my pills, I'll crack on with the news.

Sunday 19 December 2021

Just taken my...

...last two pills of the day, so I'm gonna start shutting down and waiting for my carer to wake up so that I can say goodnight to him before I hit the hay.  I'm gonna close this browser now though, so I'll say nite nite two yew orl now and I'll see you bright and early in the morning.

Opinions please!

I'm seriously tempted by this fitness watch (in addition to my FitBit) but there aren't any reviews, only ratings.

I need a digital watch with a stopwatch, ability to wear it in a long, hot, bubble bath, heart rate monitor and ideally blood pressure monitor (although that's not a deal-breaker if it's not available) that isn't a FitBit ('cos I've already got one).  


I'm willing to spend up to £50 but no more and it has to do everything I want and more for that price.  I've tried 3 different ones in the last couple of years with a variety of levels of success (the worst one didn't work at all and the best one's strap got decidedly wobbly after 6 months worth of charges) so I'm after some ideas on the UK Amazon site pretty please.


Today's (19th December) only food photo

This is my only photo today, 'cos Steve didn't want to cook when he got home from his jab and it wasn't safe for me to make anything for myself after I'd made his breakfast and lunch for him.

Steve's promised that we'll have a roast dinner tomorrow instead of today so I'll be ready for a huge plateful tomorrow lol

That's lunch made...

...for my carer and he wants sarnies for his tea, so I will be making all three of his meals today and going hungry myself.  By the time I head to bed tonight, I'll have made the same amount of meals for him in 15 hours as he's made lunches for both of us in 7 days and he hasn't gone hungry at all, but I will have missed 4 lunches and 5 breakfasts (I don't eat in the evenings) this week... hopefully the scales will show that I've lost some weight when I weigh myself tomorrow.

As predicted half an hour ago...

...I had to do the rubbish and recycling totally alone again.  My carer has only moved out of his chair to go for a wee once since I came downstairs at 5.30am and to go for his Covid booster for half an hour, the rest of the time has been me caring for him.

I'm making another prediction now, at 10.01am, that my carer will do bugger all else to care for me today, so his weekly total will be 2 hours and 48 minutes instead of the "over 35 hours" that he says he does each week.  My weekly care for my carer is already at well over 75 hours, but apparently I don't do anything for him.  You have to care for someone for over 35 hours a week to be recognised as a carer and there are less than 14 hours left of the day, so there's no way my carer can make up the other 32 hours and 12 minutes, yet I've already more than doubled it and I'm not considered to be his carer and that I do nothing to support him ๐Ÿคท

Time to...

...take the rubbish and recycling out ready for tomorrow.  I predict that I'll be doing that totally alone too.

As predicted just now... carer wants "toast for lunch too, 'cos I really enjoyed that!" so I'll be making both of his meals yet again and I'll have to survive on 42 calories for the entire day.

Lunch today will be...

...nothing for me and sandwiches or toast or something like that for my carer, so my entire calorie count will come from the 250ml of orange juice I'm about to open, so I'll be living on under 500 calories today, yet apparently my carer "cooks all her meals" which is total bollox.


My prediction this morning was spot on.  Again.


My carer has just...

...gone for his jab and I've done the menu for the week of the start of January.  My carer says that he'll "have breakfast when I get home" so that we don't waste an entire loaf of bread yet again, which means that I can't have breakfast while he's gone so it's likely that I'll go without both meals today if my carer can't motivate himself to make lunch either.  Not happy with that at all, but my carer's wants, needs and motivation comes first, right? ๐Ÿ˜ 

Mornin' all

How are you all doing this morning?

My carer is going for his booster jab this morning and I've got someone coming over early afternoon for the fitness tracker and I've gotta do the news and support friends the rest of the time.


We're supposed to be having a full vegan lunch today, but I won't believe it until it's in front of me and I've taken a photo of it for you all.  I'm gonna have breakfast while my carer is out getting his jab so at least I'll have one meal today.  Gotta do a stock-take of the kitchen cupboard as well 'cos I'm pretty sure it's completely full of jars and there's more on Thursday's grocery order, so we won't have room to store the new jars.

The daily virus scan was clear, so it's time for my morning pills now... brb.


OK, pills taken and I've asked my carer if he still felt up to making lunch to which he replied "I reckon so at the moment, but if I feel grotty when I get back then we'll definitely have it tomorrow" so I'm predicting right now that we won't be having it today or tomorrow and very unlikely that we'll have it before Christmas either.

Time to do the stock-take in the cupboard now.