Thursday 30 September 2021

Gonna shut down for the night now... I'll see you bright and early in the morning.


Nite nite orl.


Yet again...

...Steve's decided against cooking so I'm not having any lunch today either, so it's a good job we've got enough biscuits to last us a lifetime lol

Just had breakfast for the first time this week...

...and my stomach is now going "what the... oooh!"

I'm feeling a bit nauseous now, but that's either 'cos of having the first meal of the week (other than 2 packets of biscuits and 3 mince pies) or nerves about tomorrow or anger about my so-called friend's lack of support.

We're apparently going to have lunch today too... the vegan spag bol that I've been promised every day since Sunday - I'll believe it when I see it though.

Steve's just wasted some of his toast so we might not have lunch after all now 😠😞😟  At least I've had one meal this week though, so I shouldn't complain too loudly I s'pose.

I've taken my morning pills and I'm shivering with cold, but Steve's topless so he's obviously hot, so he won't put the heater on, so I'll be cold all day again 'cos seemingly Steve's hunger and temperature is more important than mine.

As always...

...I got literally (I've just counted them) 9 sentences of support in 3 loooong messages yesterday even though this person knew that I was seriously struggling 'cos of the date.  Well she can fuck off with expecting me to reply to her message and support her until I'm through the other side of this.  I told her two days ago that I would be struggling and that I wouldn't be able to support her like I usually do for this week and to be fair to her, she did support me for one message (four of the sentences) without going on about herself but her reply to my reply was 2 sentences of support then her third message was the other 3 very short sentences.

I've had as much as I can take of her right now, so I'm just not going to reply until I'm out of the other side of this week.  It's always the same, not just with this person but with everyone else too.  Three people knew I would be struggling yesterday and not one single person supported me - I got 9 sentences of support the whole day, yet everyone still expected me to support them.

Wednesday 29 September 2021

We're gonna catch up on Masterchef, so...

...I'm logging off for the night now.  I'll see you all again bright and early in the morning.  Nite nite orl.

I was wrong, I'm sorry

I've just had a couple of apples for my lunch, so I was wrong to doubt that I would eat anything today after all and I'm sorry about that.  My calorie count is now gonna be 646 calories which is under half what it should be, but considerably better than if I'd just had the juice and biscuits.

We've got a pack of bananas in the kitchen too, so I'll have a couple of those for lunch tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get tomorrow's calorie count over 500 too.

My body is fighting to grab and make use of every single bit of goodness in the apples 'cos it knows that it's likely to be the only thing I'll eat today, thanks to my carer not wanting to cook again.

I've taken my afternoon pill, so I've taken all my pills so far this week and I hope it'll be a fully dosed week, especially as it's likely I'll be eating such a small amount this week.

As predicted... carer's just said to "put the noodles away and I'll have them for my tea at some point", I'm allergic to one of the ingredients in the rice, he doesn't want to make vegan spag bol, so this is my fifth day out of six that I've had biscuits and orange juice for my food each day.  Far from healthy, but I haven't had a choice 'cos it's dangerous for me to cook.  He's got a medical appointment tomorrow so won't want to cook tomorrow either and I've got a couple of things going on, on Friday so won't be able to eat then.  


Basically a week with just one single meal out of a potential 14 that wasn't biscuits, yet apparently he cooks all my meals for me which is total bollox, given that I will only have had one meal that wasn't biscuits and water this week but I bet he'll keep telling everyone that he cooks all the meals for me and lap up the sympathy and look down on me for not helping him more.  I make breakfast for him every day at the expense of my own diet, but he doesn't tell anyone that part.

That's the backups done for another week

The back-ups have just finished, so I've put the external hard drive away and my second drink of the morning has soothed my hunger temporarily, so my belly isn't rumbling any more.


I'm only 16 minutes away from having cared for my carer for 5 hours already today and he's done bugger all to care for me so far today.  This week his total amount of support adds up to 14 minutes and I can already pretty much guarantee that he won't want to cook for lunch today, so I'll be living on the 42 calorie orange juice I had for breakfast.


I'm gonna give it until 2pm before I have any biscuits today, just to give my carer as much time as possible to cook for us both.


We're gonna have curry noodles today, but they look meaty (even though it's suitable for vegetarians) so if it tastes meaty too then I'll only have literally a mouthful before I give the rest of it to Steve and have to have biscuits yet again.

I've officially given up with...

...backing up my whole machine to the cloud so I'll just keep doing the weekly backups that I've been doing and I'm happy with - not ideal, but better than nothing.

My weekly backups are at 80% so I'll be able to check my email for the first time in two days soon.

I've made myself another drink, so hopefully that'll keep me going until lunchtime (assuming we have anything other than my carer having another MugShot and me only having 10 biscuits to keep me going for the 5th day running).  My belly is audibly rumbling, so I'll have to start on the biscuits soon otherwise the nausea will start and it'll become a vicious circle again (I'll feel sick so won't want to eat and I'll feel even sicker 'cos I haven't eaten).

Morning all

So far this morning I've had to reboot my laptop after it shut down overnight, but thankfully the back-ups carried on from where they left off, so I was thankful for that, then I did the washing up and made my carer's breakfast, then took my morning pills and made myself a drink.

I'm not being pessimistic but I don't reckon my carer will cook today either, so I'll be forced to live on biscuits, just like I have since the weekend.  I'm feeling sick with hunger now, but that doesn't seem to matter to my carer - as long as he gets breakfast and lunch then he's happy with that.

We're having "savoury rice or noodles for lunch today" but I doubt that we'll even have that so I'll go hungry yet again.  My carer has already had almost a quarter of the cereal that came on Monday and I haven't had any at all and doubt I will, so I reckon I'll be going hungry this week, just like I have done since the weekend.  All I've eaten since Saturday morning is about 30 biscuits (cookies), 3 eggs, a portion of chips (fries) and a portion of onion rings - that's been my entire diet so far this week so I'm pretty much guaranteed to lose weight when I weigh myself on Monday.

My back is joining in now too, so I'd best take a paracetamol and hope that it works even slightly this time.

I bought the Christmas gifts for everyone except my mum yesterday and half of them are due today, another one is due tomorrow and a birthday gift is being sent to the recipient on 8th October.  Steve's still assuming that I'll get him a gift as well as his take away on his birthday, but I won't be and I bet he'll lay on the guilt trip because of it, but he hasn't got me a single gift in the last 2 decades so I don't see why I should have to.  Same with everyone else - the only people who got me gifts for the last few years have been C and my mum, so they are the only ones getting gifts off me this year, along with our two nephews... there will be a lot of disappointed people, but right now I really don't care - I'm fed up of giving gifts and Steve taking the credit then blaming me when gifts don't turn up, same with being expected to give and getting nothing in return.

My back is killing me, so I'm gonna pop a paracetamol and hope for the best.

Tuesday 28 September 2021


...starts an incredibly difficult and emotional week for me, so please understand if I'm not my usual self.  There will either be a whole heap of blog posts or barely any at all.  I dunno if I'll feel up to doing the news and I definitely won't feel up to supporting anyone else, so please don't even ask, yeah?  I support everyone else for 51 weeks a year, so is it really too much to ask for support just for the other single week of the year?


All I want is your understanding, so please give me the space and time I'll need otherwise I'll be even more of a mess than I usually am with no support from anyone.


Just taken my afternoon pill and...

...restarted the backups.  Had my lunch too... another 6 biscuits and 3 mince pies.  I'm in a great deal of pain, so angry that steam is coming out of my ears and I'm waiting for my prescription to be delivered this afternoon that my doc sent to the pharmacy 11 days ago!  I just hope that I can bury my anger when the door goes so that I don't accidentally bite their head off for something that isn't even their fault.


Gonna finish off my glass of water and refill it again... I've already drunk 2¾ litres today, so it's gonna be another 4 litre day today.  I haven't had breakfast since Saturday or lunch since Sunday, even though my carer says he cooks all my meals for me.  He won't feel like cooking tomorrow 'cos of his medical appointment and I doubt I'll get anything cooked the rest of the week either so it'll be biscuits and water all week instead of anything solid.

My prescription has just turned up and I thankfully didn't bite the poor man's head off so hopefully that's it for the afternoon now.

Knew it was too good to be true!

Steve's just said (and this is a direct quote)  "I'm not gonna cook anything fancy for lunch today.  I'm just too hot and sweaty and tired" so I'll be doing him another instant soup and I'll have another day on water again.  Out of 8 meals that he could have made since Saturday, he's only actually made one meal and expected me to make the other 7 for him.  😒


He's got a medical appointment tomorrow so he won't be cooking then either, so tomorrow will be my fourth day without anything solid at lunchtime and my fourth without breakfast too, 'cos Steve has 4 wheat biscuits for his breakfast and by the time I've brought his bowl and juice in here, it's not safe for me to make my own too, so I'll be going without breakfast until he's finished both boxes of wheat biscuits and having to live on water and biscuits (cookies) until he fancies cooking again.


I suppose I should be grateful that it's preparation for November.


I'll hopefully have... first lunch since Saturday, today... hopefully vegan spag bol but if Steve cooks anything at all then that'd be fantastic and my belly will really appreciate it!  Keep your eyes peeled for a photo after I've had my lunch - you watch me forget to take the photo until I've almost finished eating though! 😆


The monthly virus scan has finished already!  In about 3 hours!  I'm gonna back up my entire hard drive to the cloud and do my normal backups to the external drive tomorrow, just in case something goes wrong with the external hard drive.  Hopefully it'll be a bit quicker to back everything up since I blatted Windows and started again... we shall see though, as long as it's done before bedtime then that's fine by me.


According to my FitBit...

...I haven't had breakfast since Friday or lunch since Sunday, so my total calorie count since Friday has been under 1,000 a day and even as low as 588 calories on Sunday.  Today is gonna be a low calorie day too, 'cos my carer "didn't get more than an hour's sleep at a time all night" so he won't want to cook today either, so it'll be toast for breakfast and soup for lunch for him and biscuits for both meals for me again, so that I can save the spread for his toast and sarnies again. 


Mornin' all

How are you all doing this morning?

I've remembered to not open my email programmes so that I could start the monthly virus scan without needing to reboot.  Got myself a glass of water and taken my morning pills without too much difficulty this morning.  When my carer wakes up, I'll go and do his washing up (because he's the only one who has eaten since Saturday) then make his breakfast for him.  Apparently he didn't sleep well overnight so he'll be asleep for most of today and will want me to make lunch again too, for the third day on the trot, so it'll have to be instant soup for him again and I'll have to quench my hunger pangs with water again.

My carer has just woken up, so I'll record it on my spreadsheet then go and do it now.

Monday 27 September 2021

As I predicted this morning...

...Steve accepted the sandwich spreads that he doesn't like and will leave again, so that's £5.00 wasted that didn't need to be in the last 7 days.  He also didn't fancy cooking, as I also predicted, so I had to make him an instant soup for his lunch, which means that yet again I get to survive on 10 biscuits and a bar of chocolate all day today... I'm light-headed with hunger, but after putting the groceries away, totally alone again, it just wasn't safe for me to make myself a soup too, so it's 10 biscuits, a bar of chocolate and 4 litres of liquid that I've got to survive on again today.


It's the monthly virus scan tomorrow, so unless it finishes before lunchtime I'll be surviving on biscuits and water again tomorrow too, for the third day on the trot.


Not to worry though, eh?


What a stressful start to the day that's been!

I came downstairs in a pretty good mood to find the bottle of squash on the sofa which improved my mood even more.  Then the lightbulb blew and we haven't got any more non-energy-saving bulbs and I bet Steve'll forget to ask his mum to get one for us with her groceries on Wednesday evening too.  


Turned my laptop on and did the daily virus scan (still clear) but none of my programmes wanted to load up so I rebooted and still had problems getting my programmes to open up so I rebooted again while I was taking my first pills of the day, still no joy so I rebooted yet again and my good day was rapidly turning into a bad day.  


I made Steve's breakfast while my machine was rebooting for the fifth time in two hours because he said he was "starving", which meant I couldn't have any breakfast so that he had enough spread left for his sarnies tonight and tomorrow and breakfast tomorrow and Wednesday.

He ate less than half a slice before he declared that he couldn't eat any more 'cos he was bloated then he fell asleep again.

I decided to try and repair an app before uninstalling it and had to reboot for the sixth time.  It seems to be working properly now though so hopefully 🤞 the repair fixed whatever was wrong with it.


Steve's just gone for a poo and conveniently forgotten to check if there was a toilet roll in there.  He must have used it up overnight 'cos he's just called through to me to get him a toilet roll, clean pants and two sanitary towels for him.  I've got less than half an hour to go before I've already cared for him for 3 hours today and he's cared for me for 2 minutes (when he made the squash).

I can already tell that he won't want to cook us any lunch as he's apparently so bloated, so I'll be living on just the orange juice I had for breakfast today.  I've put on over 1kg in the last week though, so missing a few meals again this week won't harm me too much.  I've already drunk 2 litres today, and because I doubt I'll be having any lunch, it's gonna be at least 4 litres today I reckon.

Just had the email about our groceries and there are quite a few missing things that have been replaced this week, so Steve'll have to go without his scotch eggs and 2 of his sandwich fillers have been replaced with the ones he doesn't like but I bet he'll say that the replacements are fine and they will go to waste.  Again.  The mince pies are in stock though, so I'll be able to have at least one meal this week.  The own-brand Weetabix boxes are both in stock though, so I'll be able to have breakfast until my soya milk runs out this week, but other than the biscuits, literally everything else is stuff that only Steve can have, so it'll be a very light week on the calorie front this week.

After such a positive start to the day, I'm now feeling the exact opposite and rather than having a good day, it's turned into a bad one.

Sunday 26 September 2021

I'm about to head to bed, so...

...wanted to give you the final caring totals for the week:

Steve's weekly total of care for me:  3 hours 10 minutes
My weekly total of care for Steve:  82 hours 54 minutes

Basically my carer has cared for me for less than 10% of the minimum required to be classed as a carer and I've done very nearly 13 hours over double the amount, but apparently I'm not the carer and I don't do anything to support him 🤷

I'm orf to beddy-byes now... I've got a small mountain of magazines to read lol

Very nearly forgot to...

...refill my pill box ready for next week!

I usually do it at lunchtime, straight after I've taken my afternoon pill, but because I didn't take it today 'cos I was so stuffed after my lunch, I completely forgot until just now.  It's all sorted for another week now though, so that's OK and a relief that I don't have to get stressed about it tomorrow morning now.

I'm very close to finishing off all the bottles and I'm 98% sure that I've already got the next set of pills - best check I s'pose...

...yep, got another year's supply of all of 'em, so I'm sorted until October 2022 now, thankfully.

OK, that's tomorrow's groceries edited for the last time...

...and the total breaks down like this:

My stuff:  £2.43
Steve's stuff:  £20.20
Joint stuff:  £14.88

So Steve's stuff is pretty significantly (as in £5.32, so more than double my  stuff) the most expensive again, but I bet that it's mine or the joint stuff that is... he's just said about getting the mince pies again, so the new total now looks like this:

My stuff:  £0.00
Steve's stuff:  £20.20
Joint stuff:  £15.88 


So Steve's stuff is still the most expensive by £4.32 and the only reason the joint stuff is so expensive is 'cos of the four multipacks of orange juice for us to have with our breakfast.

I'll be able to have breakfast tomorrow 'cos there isn't any marmalade left, so we'll both be having toast for breakfast tomorrow, but from Tuesday onwards, it'll just be Steve eating breakfast again 'cos he's got 2 jars of marmalade on tomorrow's grocery order, which'll last for 8 days and he's the only one with burgers, so that's another meal I'll be missing out on, so at least once next week I won't be eating anything at all during the day and just drinking water to stop the hunger 'cos I've had to take my pop and veggie burgers off to make room for the mince pies, but as long as Steve's got his stuff on the order, that's all that seems to matter 😞

Aksherly, thinking on it, I won't be able to have breakfast after all tomorrow so that there's enough spread left to get Steve through to Wednesday evening, so I'll be missing out on all my breakfasts next week and at least one lunch.  I can pretty much guarantee that Steve won't fancy cooking for the majority of next week either 'cos he only usually cooks literally two or three times a week, so lets work this out:

7 days in the week:
Steve'll have breakfast every day and I won't
Steve'll cook a maximum of three times which means I'll go without on four days.
Steve'll have his burgers for one of those meals, so I'll go without for that meal too. 
I'll have to make him double MugShots the other four days
Steve has sandwiches in the evening and I don't.

So out of a potential 21 meals each next week, it breaks down like this:

Amanda's meal total - 2 out of 21
Steve's meal total - 21 out of 21

I need to put on weight rather than lose it after this week too but that doesn't seem to matter.  It's a good job the nurse isn't weighing me any more otherwise she'd want to know why I was eating so little and Steve wouldn't admit the truth if she asked him.

Don't expect too many photo's next week, considering I'll only be eating twice in the week, unless Steve decides he wants cereal (wheat biscuits 'cos I can't afford Weetabix) instead... I'll join him then, as long as I can safely stay on my feet for long enough of course.

Lunch today was...

...eggs, chips, onion rings and baked beans and I'm now bloated and I've still got 787 calories to eat to be on target today!

Here's the photo for today:

I'll hopefully be able to have breakfast tomorrow, which should take my calorie count over 2,000 as long as I have lunch too and I'll hopefully be able to re-gain the weight I'm pretty sure I've lost after not eating yesterday and no breakfast today.

We're doing well with emptying the cupboard and freezers now and just replacing what we use each week, rather than buying food then forgetting about it.

Gonna give the grocery order one last check over then ask Steve to do the same then that's it until it's delivered tomorrow.  I've put 4 boxes of instant soup on the order, in preparation for NaNo and I've got enough J2Os for both NaNo and JanNo and I've got both novels planned out so I'm all ready to go on 1st November now.

Not gonna take my afternoon pill today... don't wanna risk adding anything else to my bloated stomach and I'm gonna let it all "go down" a bit before I haul the rubbish sack outside for another week.

I'm not gonna get any more care from my carer, so the weekly total for him caring for me is 3 hours and 10 minutes, which is under 10% of the time he says he spends caring for me, and I've cared for him for over 78 hours so far this week... he'll expect me to care for him this afternoon, so it should be a pretty comfortable 80 hours, probably more, of care for my carer this week.

Better finish off the news now I s'pose.  



Mornin' again all

How are you all doing this morning?

I've achieved a pretty decent amount so far:  I've started the VPN, did the maintainance of my laptop that I'm gonna try and do every day now that I've got the full security package, made a drink for both of us, started charging up my FitBit (which I've had for 2 years to the day according to my Amazon account - I ordered it 2 years ago yesterday and it's on Prime so I would have got it the next day), checked my email, done what needed to be done on the forum, finished the daily virus scan (still clear) and taken my morning pills.  


Amazingly my carer was awake when I first came down, but quickly went to sleep after literally a mouthful of his drink, with his mug still in his hand, so I had to wake him up and encourage him to put it on one of his tables then I started caring for him for today.

It's a good job I had an early night last night, 'cos I had just over 9 hours of sleep (9 hours and 5 minutes) and I'm feeling a lot more like myself this morning.

It's Sunday today, so it's rubbish and recycling day and I've gotta refill my pill box after I've taken my lunchtime pill too - you watch me forget though 🙄🤣

Apparently my carer is definitely gonna cook today and he wants marmalade on his toast, so I might even be able to eat today after all.

My FitBit has finished charging up now, so I'll go and do my carer's breakfast when he wakes up for longer than a few seconds at a time.

My carer has cared for me for 160 minutes so far this week, so there's no way he can get the other 32 hours of care done today.  OTOH I've already cared for my carer for just over 74 hours so far this week, so hitting the 80 hour mark is looking very likely and might even just about scrape through to 85 hours this week which is almost 2½ times the required weekly amount, but apparently I don't do anything to support him.

My carer has just he hasn't, he's just gone back to sleep, so I'll have to wait for a bit longer to make his breakfast.

Gonna make a start on doing the news while he's catching up on his sleep, so that it's less to do after I've made his breakfast.

Saturday 25 September 2021

Evening pills have...

...disappeared down my throat, so I'm gonna start closing all my programmes and shutting down now.  See you all bright and early in the morning.  Nite nite orl.

Gonna have an early night tonight... body is screaming out for a rest even though I haven't watered the tomatoes today or moved anywhere near as much as usual so maybe it's 'cos I've not eaten anywhere near enough to keep me going today?  Either way, I'll be taking my evening pills and heading to bed pretty much straight away to give my body the rest it's telling me it needs.

I've discussed with Steve about putting own brand Weetabix onto Monday's order, so that we get a bit more variety in our breakfast and stand a small chance of getting through our 5kg sugar mountain from when we had the porridge last Winter (we ordered 1kg but that was out of stock, so they substituted it with 5kg instead) lol  Shows how little sugar we have in our diets if it's taken the best part of a year and we've barely made a dent in it so far.

Just made Steve's lunch and... I think I predicted, I had to make him a double MugShot and not had any lunch either.  My food intake for the day is 6 biscuits and along with the juice this morning, my calorie count for the day is 378 calories (not a typo) and I've still got 981 calories left to eat, so I'll have lost weight when I weigh myself on Monday 'cos Steve'll be having toast tomorrow with marmalade again, so I won't be having breakfast and I can pretty much guarantee that he won't cook for lunch either, so I'll be living on under 500 calories tomorrow too, but apparently he cooks all the meals when in actual fact its more like 2 or 3 a week.

Not a happy bunny at all.

My calorie count for the entire day is gonna be...

...42 calories and potentially the same tomorrow too.  I'm already hungry after not being able to have breakfast again, so time to quell the hunger with another glass of water.

Aksherlee, I've got a bottle of pop on the floor, which is gonna have more calories than water, so I'd best have that today to try and get a few more calories into me until I can eat again.  Far from healthy, but I seemingly don't have a choice.

Just made Steve's breakfast and...

...because he wanted marmalade on his toast again, I couldn't have any breakfast again (I don't like citrus things and I use the same knife to spread and marmalade the toast, so when Steve wants marmalade I don't get to eat) and he's just said that he doesn't want to cook for lunch today, so it'll be me making him a MugShot and me not having any lunch either.  I don't eat in the evenings so that I don't throw up when I lay down in bed, so it looks like my calorie count is gonna be pretty much zero today and I'll be living on 4 litres of water, but as long as Steve eats, that's OK innit?  😡  I bet he'll want a double tomato MugShot too, so that's another meal I won't be having.

He's just said to put a couple of jars of the marmalade on Monday's shop and each jar is 3 breakfasts so I'll be having one breakfast next week too and I can guarantee that he won't fancy cooking more than once next week too, so might be a few days without eating next week too.

I'll try and remember to take a photo of each meal that I have, to share with you all here on my blog, but it won't be daily photo's next week 'cos I doubt my carer will want to cook every day again... without being pessimistic, I reckon I'll only eat maybe two or three meals next week instead of two a day.

That's my morning pills taken, and...

...the backups are underway, my carer is awake, so time to go and make his breakfast now I reckon, then I can make a start on the news.  I've already drunk a litre of water today, so I reckon it'll be another high volume of liquid day again today.

Mornin' all

How are you all doing this morning?

I'm cream crackered already and I've only been awake for half an hour lol

On my 'To Do' list today, other than my normal daily things, is to work out how to use all the new features of my anti-virus programme and see if I can set up any automatic maintainance jobs like I have with the virus scan.

Currently setting up a restore point just in case things get messed up with the maintainence - I'm hoping everything will be plain sailing, just like with the virus scanning, but I reckon it's always better to be safe than sorry.  Gonna back up my documents just in case too, then I can mess around as much as I like safe in the knowledge that if I mess something up I can hopefully easily sort it out nice and quickly.


Gonna take my morning pills while the VPN thingy is turning on - whatever that means lol


Currently copying everything over to a Cloud storage place, so when that's done, I'll risk the maintainence thing of my entire machine and hope things don't get messed up 🤞

The VPN thing has just turned on, hopefully sucessfully, with a new location and IP address, which is reassuring.

Really am gonna take my morning pills now lol

Friday 24 September 2021

As of now...

...I've paid all the annual bills, so I've just got birthday's and Yule to buy for now.


I've only bought my virus protection for a single year this time, but it's installing the tune-up bit and a secure VPN too, which I've never had before, so that'll be a steep learning curve, but if it means it keeps me safer then I'm all for it!


Time to take my last two pills of the day while I'm waiting for it all to install and update itself now.  I'll have a proper explore of it tomorrow, it's a bit late for me to do it now and I don't want my brain to go into overdrive just before I head to bed.

That's the gardening over and done with...

...for the year now.

I've just been out to give the tomatoes their evening drink and the green tomatoes are now noticeably grey, slimey and rotten, so there won't be any more watering or gardening needed now, until Steve decides to lumber more on me totally out of the blue again next year.  I'm just gonna let the plants die naturally then get rid of them somehow.

I've enjoyed it and it's gradually built up my confidence with slopes, so I'll feel slightly more confident when I'm forced to go up and down them now on footpaths, but I'd have appreciated a bit of warning before suddenly getting them on the front doorstep and told to take 'em out into the back yard then being lumbered with total responsibility for them... still not happy about that - can you tell?  😏

Time to reboot my machine so that hopefully the FitBit app will start working.  



Lunch photos for today (24th September 2021)

Lunch today was spaghetti and meat-free balls with oodles of cheese.

Steve was worried that he'd been stingy with the pasta today, but he actually did the perfect amount and in reality if he'd done the amount he usually does, there would have been waste instead of today's clean plates and we are just nicely full instead of completely bloated.

I wasn't patient enough to wait to take the photo today, so there are two of 'em for you all today - pre cheese and just-about-to-dig-in photo:

There was even a portion of grated cheese left in the packet too, which very rarely happens, so maybe we've finally got the portion sizes right and we just need to reprogramme our eyes and bellies not to be so big when it comes to food?  Like I had to do when I first came out of hospital?

Yet again...

...I've had to bail Steve out so that he could get some new headphones which now takes the amount I've lent him up to £2,200 in the last 18 months but I haven't even seen a penny of it paid back yet, despite frequent promises that each one will be paid back usually within days but I've yet to see a penny of it.


News on 24th September 2021

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24th September 2021

5 Steps to Give Yourself Permission to Let Go of a Friendship

Mornin' all.

So far this morning I've cared for my carer, finished the virus scan (still clear of nasties), checked my emails, watered the tomatoes and taken my morning pills - I've also drunk a litre of sugar and I'll be going out to make breakfast in a bit, so I've had a busy morning already.


I'm gonna try and remember to use less exclamation points in my blog posts and replace the majority of them with full stops... you watch me forget though lol

Thursday 23 September 2021

I'm on the verge of tears now

Been studying a crime writing course all day and honestly didn't think I'd pass it first time.


I was wrong.

I got 9 of the 80 questions wrong which gave me a passing score of 88.75% in about 10 minutes out of the 30 I was allowed.

I'm feeling dead chuffed with myself now and I've even come up with an idea for my next novel, after JanNo, that I've already emailed my local police station about.  I doubt I'll ever submit it to an agent or publisher, but like with the sci-fi novel, I'm expanding my horizons and stretching myself so that my muse doesn't throw another strop at me during NaNo or JanNo.

Feeling really proud of myself, so I'm gonna go and catch up on Facebook and my emails after leaving them alone, literally all day.

Things will hopefully be back to normal again tomorrow - although, now I've been reinfected with the studying bug, who can tell?!

Morning all

How is my first blog of the day finding you all?  I'm chilly cold but I bet you anything you like, Steve won't put the heating on when he wakes up because he's always hot and he'll open the door too... doesn't seem to matter that I'm cold, as long as he's not hot!

Time to take my morning pills, then do the news and hopefully study this afternoon.  I reckon I'm gonna do the crime writing course 'cos someone gave me an idea to write a children's crime novel, so if I get any ideas from the course, I'll plan out the novel ready to write after JanNo finishes.

I'm charging up my FitBit and the daily virus scan has almost finished, so I'll do Steve's breakfast when he wakes up then carry on with the news.  I've already cared for my carer for 36 hours this week and he's cared for me for under 2 hours, yet apparently he's my carer for "well over" 35 hours a week and I don't do anything to support him.  I'm half way through recording week 14 and I haven't even had 5 hours of care a week from him, even when I went to the hospital, yet I frequently more than double the required amount.

Just had the reminder come up for taking my pills.  Today is Thursday, so it begins with a T which means I take the FA today as well as all my other ones.  Need a poo and to re-fill my squash bottle first though because my carer didn't even do that for me in the last 24 hours, yet he had time to deep-clean the kitchen sink overnight.


I was wrong up there ⮙⮙⮙, sorry about that.

Steve's just woken up and taken my squash bottle through to fill up, so I'm gonna take my pills while I'm waiting for him to come out of the bathroom so that I can go for a poo, then water the tomatoes, then make breakfast...


Wrong again!

Steve made my squash while I went for a poo then watered and harvested the two red ones, so the only tomatoes left now are very green so I'm thinking they will either rot or be very late to ripen.  They've got more access to the sun now though, so we'll see.

Time to take my pills now.


Wednesday 22 September 2021

Very close to being...

...too late to water the tomatoes tonight - literally ten minutes later and it would have been pitch black out there!  They are all quenching their thirst now though, which should hopefully keep them going until tomorrow morning.

Time to log off for the night now, so I'll see you all again bright and early in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

Tomatoes watered, birds water bowl...

...cleaned and refilled so that's it until this evening now.  Gonna grab a glass of water and take my afternoon pill then not move far from the sofa all afternoon.

Today's lunch was...

...Quorn sausages, eggs, chips (fries for any Americans out there) and baked beans:

Time to get a few more steps into my FitBit and go and water the tomatoes now, to try and wake me up a bit, then take my lunchtime pill and then either study or sleep lol


Back now legs gave way underneath me in the kitchen, so Steve saw me having to crawl back in here.

Steve's just finished his breakfast and opened the curtains, so...

...time to go and water the tomatoes then do the washing up.




I was wrong, sorry about that

Steve's just started eating his breakfast, so I was wrong about that in my last blog post.


I think Steve's either got a key logger on my machine or he's getting notifications of new posts as soon as they are posted 'cos his computer bleeped as soon as I published my last blog post.  Might be coincidence of course, but either way, he's getting a glimpse into how I'm really feeling so I don't care either way as long as he acts on what I say (like he did with his breakfast)!


I'm gonna publish this now and I'll see if Steve's machine bleeps again so that I know one way or the other if he's getting notifications or if it really was just coincidence.


Mornin' all

How are you all doing this morning?


I've just set the weekly virus scan going (it was set to Tuesday instead of Wednesday for some reason, but it's definitely Wednesday in the programme now) and made breakfast for Steve, so this is my second day without breakfast and he's making me feel guilty for not doing the washing up too, so I'll have to go and do that as soon as my legs have recovered from doing his breakfast.  I bet he'll find a reason not to cook lunch for us though, so I'll have to do sarnies for him and not eat anything at all today.


Time to take my morning pills now though, so that my legs can recover so that they don't give way underneath me when I'm stood at the sink doing the washing up.


That's my pills down the hatch, so I'll go and do the washing up as soon as Steve's finished his breakfast... I bet he'll leave it until it's all become mushy and then refuse to eat it though - I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I will be.

Need to remember to take Steve's recycling out when I go and do the washing up too.

Tuesday 21 September 2021

Last two pills of the day...

...down the hatch, so now it's time to give the tomatoes their last drink of the day then head to bed for an early night I reckon.  Gonna let my laptop shut down while I'm watering them, then I'll head to bed straight away, so I'll say nite nite to you all now and I'll see you all again bright and early tomorrow morning.


That's my afternoon pill...

...down the hatch for the first time this week, so that's me dosed up until this evening now.


The chef is already snoring his head off after such a huge lunch each... makes me grateful that I only had a few biscuits (cookies for any Americans out there) for breakfast otherwise I'd have left some lunch too.


Currently watching the recording of Masterchef Australia from last night and I can't work out what the difference is between lobsters (the first description they gave of the task) and crayfish (what they have to cook with)... is it two names for the same thing like biscuits/cookies please?


Today's lunch photos

Totally stuffed after today's lunch:

Sunday lunch on a Tuesday lol


Neither of us are gonna be moving far from the sofa/chair this afternoon lol

That's the tomatoes watered for...

...the second time today and I'm gonna take my afternoon pill now so that I don't forget to take it again, like I did yesterday - woops!


I've just put the email report up I get every Tuesday for my FitBit that you can see here if you want to?


Prolly won't post again until I put up todays lunch photo (assuming I remember to take it of course), so I'll leave you all in peace for an hour or so.

Just sprayed the entire daily dose into my mouth and...'s rapidly working but I'll need to invest in another one soon - it's worth it for the rapid relief it gives me though, so as soon as I've got a tenner spare, I'll buy it.  My anger is already considerably better and I hate feeling angry, but the B12 spray is sorting that out for me now, so I'll do the news and avoid Facebook until I'm back to my usual self 'cos apparently I'm not allowed to get angry there.

Just made breakfast and...

...accidentally slopped some of Steve's milk onto the cooker and floor, so after I'd cleared that up it just wasn't safe enough for me to stand out there to make my own as well, so I'm not having any breakfast today or tomorrow which means that Steve'll have had 3 breakfasts and I'll have had 1 out of the bag again.


I'm shaking, in pain, exhausted and totally devoid of motivation now and I've still not taken my morning pills, so I'd better do that now and hope that they start kicking into action nice and quickly... might even have to resort to the B12 spray too, just to get me going for the day. 

Mornin' again all

The daily virus scan has just finished and I'm still free of nasties, thankfully, and I've already drunk 1½ litres of pop this morning, so I'm gonna go back to water when I've finished this glass - better for my teeth and body lol


Steve's just woken up and started ranting about a programme he was watching on the telly last night so I'm gonna go and make his breakfast as soon as he's stopped talking.


Yesterday was a new record, caring-wise - 13 hours and 49 minutes of caring for my carer while he cared for me for 10 minutes.  I've cared for him for 54 minutes already this morning too, so I reckon it'll be easily half of the required time before lunchtime today.  Assuming we have the roast, that'll bump my carer's caring total up pretty significantly (about an hour), but I'm already doubting we'll make it to 5 hours of him caring for me this week.

I've booked the grocery slot for 3 weeks time, so that's that sorted for another week.  Time to finish off my glass of pop, go for a poo 💩 and go and make breakfast now, then take my morning pills.

Monday 20 September 2021

Given the tomatoes their last drink...

...taken my last two pills of the day and finished a few surveys before the tiredness crept up on me, so I'm off to beddy-byes now.


The chef has just promised that it's definitely the vegan roast tomorrow with roast potatoes, hopefully boiled potatoes and loads of frozen veg.  We've got a couple of tomatoes that'll be pretty much ready for picking tomorrow too, but you don't have fresh, raw tomatoes with a roast, do you?  Or do you?  Leave me a comment in reply to this post tomorrow and let me know your opinions on that pretty please?

I'm off to bed now... nite nite orl.

Today's lunch is gonna be...

...mince pies instead of the rice, just like I've been kinda predicting all morning.  I can let the chef off for this one meal though 'cos we're both wiped out and in pain after putting the groceries away and the mince pies are gonna go off quicker than the rice.  I'm gonna put the mince pies into the FitBit app then grab a couple of plates, put my laptop on the floor, put them onto the plates and hopefully remember to take a photo of them to share with you all.




Forgot to publish this before I put my laptop on the floor - woops!

Here's the photo of my lunch:

I'd forgotten just how sweet mince pies are, I think after I've significantly reduced the amount of chocolate and pop I have now, so three at a time are gonna be my limit this year I think - I'll need a glass of water available to get through all those too lol

That's the tomatoes watered again and...

...I've decided against doing any surveys until after our groceries have been and gone and we/I have put them all away and I've (hopefully) had my lunch, so you've all gotta put up with me yabbering on until that happens 😜


No news today, so...

...I've made me an' 'im a hot drink because I wasn't able to "flirt" (Steve's word, not mine) with either of the collecters this morning and not having any news means that I've got the time between now and when the groceries are delivered totally to myself, so I'll spend it doing surveys.  


My NaNo rewards were dispatched this morning and will be here on Saturday apparently.  My target for this year before I'm rewarded is to hit 5k words before I'm allowed one, which will be challenging but hopefully achievable and will mean I'll be finished on 10th November if I manage it every day, but I'm giving myself until the 15th just in case I can't cope with writing on the day we lost the puppy dog.  I'm determined to get through it in her memory though.  We can do this together... her inspiring me from Rainbow Bridge and me trying to keep up with her thoughts and ideas, just like last year.

Gonna go and water the tomatoes first, before I forget, though lol

Already drunk 2 litres of sugar (aka pop) today, along with this morning's orange juice (250ml) and now the coffee (500ml) so it's gonna be another day of a lotta liquid and I remain hopeful that we'll have the rice for lunch, but I won't believe it until it's in front of me though.

The groceries are due this afternoon, but I bet I'll be in the bathroom when it arrives lol

Need to remember to take my afternoon pill too, which will be even more liquid for my body to process lol

I'm currently 10 minutes away from caring for my carer for 6 hours already today, so 10 hours is pretty much guaranteed, maybe 11 hours or even 12 at a push.

Today's breakfast was...

...especially yummy 'cos there was oodles of fruit in it so the combination of Granola and the smoooooth orange juice is two of my five a day already and it's not even 🕣 8.30am yet!

Here's the photo:

Mornin' all

Woke up just before my usual time, so checked my email and forum and Facebook then took three lots of Steve's recycling out and took my morning pills, all before 7am.


Steve's woken up, said good morning to me four times then promptly fallen back to sleep so we might be having a late breakfast today after all 'cos he needs to cut open the packet of granola for me.  It's supposed to be savoury rice for lunch (we planned out this week's meals, yesterday afternoon) but I won't believe it until it's in front of me and I've taken a photo of it for you all.

The daily virus scan has just finished and didn't find any nasties so I'm protected for anther day now, so time to crack on with the news until Steve stays awake for long enough to open the bag and eat his breakfast.  Gotta water the tomatoes too and get ready for our groceries to be delivered this afternoon - it's all go on a Monday!

Sunday 19 September 2021

Just watching Masterchef Australia

I've taken my pills so as soon as the recording has finished, I'm off to bed.  Gonna shut down now though, so I'll see you all again bright and early in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

That's me up to date with... survey invites and I'm 51 minutes away from 10 hours of care for my carer today, so I'm already over 80 hours this week and it's not even 5pm 🕔 yet, so I might be able to achieve another 12 hour day before I head to bed tonight.


I might as well do the totting up for the care I've received from my carer this week... without looking I doubt it'll be much over an hour and definitely under 2 hours, rather than the required 35 hours he claims he easily does a week.


Not even approaching an hour - 37 minutes over the last 7 days, so over 34 hours short of the required amount to be called a carer.  OTOH, the current daily total of caring for my carer is already 9 hours and 9 minutes so the weekly total is currently 80 hours and 5 minutes so I'm comfortably over double the required amount, but apparently I'm not the carer 🤷

Just refilled next week's...

...pill organizer so I'm all set for next week now.

Steve's just come out of the bathroom and as predicted this morning, he's expecting me to make him a MugShot or he won't eat anything, so I'd best go and make it for him now.



Tomorrow's grocery order totals look like this:

Amanda's stuff:   £5.22
Steve's stuff:  £13.34
Joint stuff:  £22.58

Which I'm happy with, but I bet it'll change before the day's out and I bet it'll be my stuff that comes off so that Steve can add things for himself, same as always.

Mind you, it's different to normal soups so I dunno if they've got an allergen in them.  I'd best go and check that now while I remember.



Yep, it had an allergen in it, so I've had to take them off, so my total is now £3.82 which is more like I was expecting and means Steve will prolly add more of his own stuff instead of joint stuff.


As I predicted yesterday...

...Steve doesn't want to do our roast today, so we've wasted 2 lots of runner beans from his mum/sister as well as the onions and he'll be assuming that I'll make him a double MugShot for his lunch again.

I'm too exhausted and in pain to eat for the rest of the day now, so I hope my legs don't give way on me when I make Steve's lunch for him.  Good job I had toast for breakfast really.


I've sorted and taken out the rubbish, recycling and food waste and that's me done in for the day now... I won't be able to safely move off the sofa now.

Going to try a little experiment now...

I haven't brushed my teeth for literally weeks, so I'm wondering if that's why I'm so thirsty in the mornings?  When Steve wakes up I'll go and brush them, refill my water for the third time this morning, then the experiment will start.  If I've drunk the whole glass before 7.30am then it's nothing to do with not brushing my teeth, but if I haven't then it's obviously my body pushing me to brush them... we shall see soon!

That's my morning pills taken and...

...I've already pretty much finished the second glass of water so that's almost half way to my target of 2 litres of water a day, in about an hour... hopefully my third glass of water will keep me going for longer than half an hour lol


Mornin' again all

I discovered that my FitBit needed to be charged up just as I clambered into bed last night and I hoped that it'd record my sleep and that I remembered to charge it up as soon as I turned my laptop on this morning.  Both happened, thanks to the reminder in my phone, so it's charging up again now, along with my fitness watch that I wear on my wrist.


I've already drunk half a litre of water this morning and I've only been down here for half an hour, so I'm gonna go and fill up the glass again when my FitBit has finished charging and make Steve's toast for him when he eventually wakes up.  He wants to save four slices of bread for his sarnies this evening and I can already tell that he won't fancy cooking our lunch, so I'll be surviving on biscuits today which will mean that I'll definitely have lost weight when I weigh myself tomorrow.  As long as Steve gets to eat though, that's all that matters, right? 😡


The daily virus scan is almost finished and it hasn't found anything yet, so I remain hopeful that my laptop is still free of nasties.


Time to go and refill the glass with water so that I can take my morning pills and stop my belly from rumbling and I'll give the tomatoes their first drink of the day when it's considerably lighter out there this morning.

Saturday 18 September 2021

As seems to be standard for me...

...I've totally neglected you all afternoon and evening!  Sorry about that!


I've been doing surveys so have been in a totally different head-space then trying to work out how much the AVG subscription at the start of January... I think I've worked it out as being just shy of £150 for 2 years.  I know that might sound like a lot, but it's worth it for my peace of mind and I've never had any issues with it at all, so I'll keep shelling out that money for protection for two years at a time.


I've only gotta care for my carer for 9 hours and 4 minutes to hit the 80 hours of care provided by me this week.  Today alone has been a smidgen under 12 hours and I've had exactly zero care from my carer today, so we're at 37 minutes of care from my carer, with no possible way to make it to the 35 hours minimum tomorrow, even if we both stayed awake and he did nothing but support me constantly until bed time tomorrow now.


I'm gonna end that right there, so that I don't get too angry/frustrated to sleep.


Nite nite orl.

No lunch today or...

...breakfast tomorrow, so that Steve can have his sarnies for tea tonight and tomorrow.  If I can persuade Steve to open the granola then we can both have that for breakfast tomorrow and Monday, but I bet he doesn't wanna make the roast tomorrow lunchtime, just like he didn't wanna make today's lunch for us both.


I've just made him a double MugShot for his lunch and, as predicted this morning, he didn't make the rice for both of us, so he's expecting me to live on 2 slices of toast and a 250ml bottle of orange juice for 24 hours while he has 3 full meals.


He tells everyone that he "cooks every meal" yet he's made 1½ salads (I made the majority of the second salad) this week and actually cooked bugger all, whereas I've made him 10½ meals but apparently I don't make any meals at all and I've got proof that that's been total bollox for the last 13 weeks.

He also reckons he looks after me for "well over" the 35 hours minimum, but I've yet to receive more than 5 hours of care a week off him (his record weekly care so far was when I went for that hospital test and that was a record of 4 hours and 55 minutes of care that week).

He's finished his lunch, so I'd better go and take his mug into the kitchen, before he falls asleep for the afternoon and knocks the mug off the arm of the chair, which would, of course, be my fault.

Need to go and water the tomatoes too, that he agreed to us having but has done bugger all to look after them so far.

I've taken my afternoon pill, so that's it until tonight now.

As always happens... carer has decided against the savoury rice for lunch and wants the noodles instead (which I can't have) and he wants to finish off the bread for his tea too, so I won't be having anything for lunch again today... good job that I got all my calories from breakfast (2 slices of toast and dairy free spread) then.


Mornin' all

I'm already getting incredibly nervous about a couple of things that are happening at the beginning of October!  I've already started the virus scan, taken my morning pills and watered the tomatoes and cared for my carer for an hour and a half though, so hopefully that means that today will be a good day for me.


Time to make breakfast for my carer then crack on with the news next.

Friday 17 September 2021

That's the tomatoes watered, me medicated for the last time...

...and the spreadsheet admin sorted for another day - might even be able to scrape through an 80 hour week this week, which is double a full time job's hours, but I get no recognition for it... never even been thanked!

I'm gonna head off to bed now, so I'll see you all in the morning ready for another day of me complaining and stuff, which you all know about by now of course.

Nite nite orl.  Sea ewe in the morning.

That's the tomatoes had their lunchtime drink...

...Steve wasted the majority of his lunch 'cos he only had half a tomato and a family sized tub of potato salad and all I've eaten today is 2 bananas, half a cucumber, a slice of bread and spread and a bar of chocolate, so I'm gonna have lost even more weight this week again.


Steve's just gone back to sleep and I'm getting a hunger headache for the second day on the trot, but never mind eh?  If it gets too bad I'll see if there are any tomato MugShots (the only ones I can have) left and I might have that this afternoon instead of proper meals.


Mornin' all

How are you all doing today?

I came downstairs to a freezing cold living room so I had to put my coat on while Steve was asleep and go and make myself a hot drink too.  I've made Steve a hot drink and watered the tomatoes and Steve's been awake for a few minutes now, so time to go and make his breakfast and then make a start on the news.

The daily virus scan was clear, thankfully, so that's reassuring.  I've taken my morning pills and re-ordered my prescriptions, so hopefully they'll be delivered next week or maybe the start of the week after.


Thursday 16 September 2021

A fairly decent amount has happened since lunchtime!

I've given the tomatoes two drinks, taken two sets of pills (so three in total), caught up with Facebook and my email, prepared and uploaded a document ready for the meeting in a couple of weeks (or is it next week??) and cared for my carer for getting on for 13 hours today, which is possibly a new record of care, but he's awake now, so time for me to do the admin on the spreadsheet and shut down for the night now.


Nite nite orl.


Today's lunch photo

Very quick and easy lunch today - another salad with cous cous and cucumber and a Pure Heavenly bar of chocolate for pud.  We're only half way through the day and we've both already had 6 portions of fruit and veg each today which my body is really appreciating and getting all those good things so that they can be put to work and it's done wonders for my mood and awakeness.

Here's today's lunch photo for you all:

News on 16th September 2021

Icons made by Freepik from

16th September 2021

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Today's breakfast photo

Hello again all.


I've just remembered that I took a photo of this morning's breakfast so I've resized it and here it is:


I actually had breakfast today and hopefully lunch too, unlike yesterday lol

That's the plastic jug of granola finished off so Steve'll have to cut open and decant the new bag into the jug before we can have breakfast tomorrow 'cos I haven't taken the bread out of the freezer yet.

Apparently we're having salad for lunch again today and I might actually be able to have a couple of lettuce leaves, a tomato and a chunk of cucumber today!  If I do, I'll try and remember to take a photo of it for you all, before I devour it.

Mornin' all

Welcome to a new day of blog posts from yours truly.  I'd love to know what you think to this blog, either anonymously or not (totally up to you) and what you wanna see more and less of... just leave me a comment in reply to this post and I'll see what I can do.


It's been a pretty late start to the morning for me today... didn't even wake up until 5.36am then came down and I've been caring for my carer ever since.  The daily virus scan was clear so I'm free of nasties and reassured for another day.


Just taken my pills and it's time to give the tomatoes their first watering of the day when my carer wakes up, then I'll make breakfast for us and make a start on the news for the day.


My carer has just woken up, so time to water the tomatoes then make our breakfast now... bet he'll be asleep when I bring in his granola though lol


Wednesday 15 September 2021

I've watered the tomatoes, taken my evening pills, updated my website, so now...'s time for me to hit the sack until tomorrow.


Nite nite orl.

That's the tomatoes watered and...'s a beautiful and warm day out there, so I've left the back door open to let a bit of fresh air through the house.


I'm glad again that I'm a member of SCBWI and that I joined the waiting list for something when I did 'cos I got first place on the waiting list and I'm having a call with someone in the industry to go over one of my manuscripts, so that's awesome and I can't wait to be shot down in flames lol  Nah, seriously, it'll be good to see where I'm going wrong and why I haven't snagged an agent yet... I just hope I remember what the manuscript is about so that I don't make a lousy impression on this person - I'm trying to remain positive lol

As predicted first thing...

...Steve didn't want to make lunch, so I made his salad for him and I'll make another prediction - he'll put his legs up and fall asleep tonight so I won't get any care out of him this afternoon either.  So far this week he's cared for me for 18 minutes total, instead of the 15 hours it should be by now and I've cared for him for 28 hours and 8 minutes already.  If he *does* do as I predicted up there ^^ I'll have hit the 35 hours of care in 3 days instead of 7 so it should be another easy 75 hours or possibly 80 again and I reckon I'll be lucky to get much over an hour out of my carer.

Steve's changed his mind about breakfast... we're having choccie biccies for breakfast instead.  I'm gonna go and water the tomatoes now though, so that Steve can finish the entire packet off again.

Mornin' all

How are you all doing this morning?


My hayfever is already through the roof but I've had to give Steve the last box of tisses for him, which means he's had the entire multipack of boxes to himself and I haven't used a single tissue even though I bought them for myself!

Steve reminded me not to open my emails this morning 'cos of the weekly virus scan, which I'd totally forgotten about and I bet that'll be pretty much the only care I get out of him today 'cos he won't fancy making lunch for us when he gets home from his medical appointment, so I'll be finishing off the salad for him instead.

I've given him the letter for his nurse and emailed him with it, so he can't say he doesn't have a clue now.  I bet he conveniently forgets to take it with him though, same as always.

I've taken my morning pills and I've almost finished charging up my FitBit, so I'll go and make Steve's breakfast and water the tomatoes once that's done and dusted.  Doubt I'll be safe enough on my feet to make any breakfast for myself though, same as last week, so Steve'll have 3 breakfasts and I'll have 1 again, but as long as Steve's fed then that doesn't matter, right?  Might just about be able to sneak a bottle of orange juice through for me, but that'll have to be it until I go and make our lunch, so my calorie count will be through the floor and I'll lose weight again, but as long as Steve eats something, that doesn't seem to matter.


Steve said "the electricity money's gone this morning" and seems to want credit for paying it, despite it being my money that paid for it.

That's my FitBit finished charging, so time to go and make Steve's breakfast then water the tomatoes again.

Tuesday 14 September 2021

Watered the tomatoes, taken my evening pills...

...updated the spreadsheet and for the second day this week, I've cared for my carer for well over 12 hours today.  The running total is exactly 25 hours of care, which my OCD is happy about.


I'm gonna head off to beddy-byes now I reckon.  Gotta remember to give Steve the letter for his nurse tomorrow morning too.


Gonna start shutting everything down then head to bed... might actually manage to be asleep before 8.30pm with any luck tonight!


Nite nite orl.  Sea ewe in the morning again.  Gotta remember not to open my emails 'cos of the weekly virus scan and backups tomorrow... you watch me forget though lol


Review: JOJOANS 3/4 Pack Bra Bralette

⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

I used to wear sports bras, then decided to try "normal" bras again, then front fastening "normal" bras, but my "girls" kept popping out of the cups so figured I'd go back to my trusty sports bras again but couldn't find any in my size. This pack of bras popped up in the "other people bought" bit at the bottom of the page and I figured I'd give them a go.


They are OK but they don't offer much support and the pads get in a flap and have to be moved back into place after they've been washed. Maybe that's normal for slightly padded bras though? I'd never worn a padded bra before these so I don't know if that's normal or not.


Basically they are good for just being around the house and a quick trip to your local shop to get a pint of milk or whatever, but if you're not gonna be able to pop parts of your "girls" back into the cups when they start to come out after you've bent over a couple of times, then I would recommend something different and that's why I'm knocking off the star. They are comfortable and wearable, but not brilliant for support or much bending over.

Book Review: "The Post Box at the North Pole" by Jaimie Admans

Kindle version:
Paperback version:
⭐ out of 5

If you've read any of my other recent reviews, you'll know that I start all of them by saying that every book that I read and review starts off with the full five stars and that I'm ever-hopeful that they will still be firmly in place by the time I close the book too... this one ain't no different.

The first few chapters have been OK and the descriptions of all that freezing snow has got me shivering too.

It's good, but I've already had to skip to 28% because it's the same words in a different order, so I'm having to knock the first star  :-(

Oh dear.  There has just been a couple of mentions of big brand names, I'm guessing without permission, so that's the second star coming off now... the book had started off so well!

Now the author is using famous people to rename reindeers!  I'm not sure if that's legally allowed without permission either, so that's another star coming off, which means there's only one star to go before I can't remove any more stars and I officially give up on it.  The book started off so well, but using those brand names and famous people are just not legal without prior written permisson!

A social media brand now... I've already taken a star off for that reason, so the star is still safe - but only just!  It's almost like the publisher has read 3 chapters and approved it for publication 'cos they were the best chapters so far!

Oh boy, now the author has given a handle and used the three major social media names... that star is looking decidedly wobbly now, unfortunately.

Now the author is using well-known films, so that star has wobbled off and after 37% I've given up unfortunately... another single star review from me  :-(

Thanks again, Green Man!

It's still spitting with rain out there and the tomatoes still soaked up their afternoon drink, but the Green Man is giving them a more frequent, slower drink to keep them going.

Me not giving them a drink this morning doesn't seem to have done them any harm, so I'll give them their normal drink tonight then see what the Green Man decides to do with the weather tomorrow.

I'll need to clean and re-fill the birds' water bowl again in a couple of days time though, 'cos rain seems to turn the water bright green for some reason!  The birds need a drink as well as the tomatoes though, so I honestly don't mind doing it for them every few days... I've just gotta listen to my body and only do it when it's safe enough for me to do it without my legs giving way underneath me.

Time for my afternoon pill then carry on with the reading now!

That was a refreshing change in our diet!

Just had a home-made salad that was quick, easy and delicious.  We're gonna finish off the bag of lettuce and a few more tomatoes tomorrow, along with the cous cous instead of the potato salad that we had today and Steve suggested asking his mum "to get some more salad bits like spring onions and stuff for us tomorrow" so I suggested asking for a box of 6 eggs too, so that we can have egg salad as well.

Steve wondered if literally lettuce, tomatoes and potato salad counts as a salad and I couldn't see why it wouldn't, right?

My body is celebrating having four portions of fruit and veggies already today and it's rewarding me with feeling more awake and refreshed and motivated to meet this afternoon head on.

Here's today's lunch photo before I forget:

Almost forgot!

I've done the grocery order for 3 weeks time and I also took a photo of my breakfast for you all:


I had a small bottle of orange juice too, but forgot to take a photo of that.  The Granola has been started now and we've got another bag too, so it'll prolly be granola photo's for the majority of this week.


Steve said we're definitely having salad for lunch today, but I won't believe it until it's in front of me and I've hopefully remembered to take a photo of it.


Thank you Green Man!

The Green Man has made it drizzle enough to water the tomatoes, so that saves me a job until lunchtime at least and means that I can crack on with the news then the reading and reviewing straight away.


Morning all

Had a pretty productive morning so far!  I've already sorted out the news for one site, made and eaten breakfast, taken my morning pills and taken the recycling through to the kitchen.


I've cared for my carer for a smidgen over 2 hours this morning and by the time I went up to bed last night I'd cared for him for over 12½ hours, so it's looking like, assuming today and tomorrow are similar amounts, I'll have achieved the required amount of care by the time I come down here on Thursday morning, so it's looking like it should hopefully be a pretty easy 75 hour week again.


I've already drunk 1¼ litres today and it's not even 8am yet lol 

Gotta remember to sort out the delivery slot for 3 weeks time too... so might do that before I go out and water the tomatoes.


The daily virus scan was clear again, so I'll crack on with the news, then read a new-to-me book.


Monday 13 September 2021

Just taken my pills and watered the tomatoes...

...and my body is telling me that it's time for bed already, so I'm gonna give it what it needs and start shutting down now.


I've got another book to read and review tomorrow, but I wanna get back into the habit of doing the news before anything else again and this'll be the last book for a little while so I'll be able to get back into a more normal routine soon.


My eyes are already drooping, so I'm gonna shut down now.


Nite nite orl.  💤


Book Review: "Captive: A Poetry Collection on OCD, Psychosis, and Brain Inflammation" by Madeline Dyer

Kindle edition:
Paperback version:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

Like with all books I read and review, this one is starting off with the full five stars and I'm hopeful that it'll end with 'em all in place too.

I've read literally one or two memoirs before so to say I have little experience of reading them is the understatement of the decade lol  I'm going to read with an open mind and hope that it'll give me more understanding of what the author went through when she wrote it.

Wowsers.  I already want to reach through the screen and take the author into a safe, gentle hug, if that's what she wants and needs right now.  It's like she's clambered inside my head and she's stealing my thoughts and feelings 'cos that's how I've been feeling for more than the last two decades.  I've got more control of my OCD and psychosis now, but those thoughts and feelings are still there... I know and understand what you're going through more than you may realise and I've only read 23% of the book.  If you, the reader of this review and potentially the book, have psychiatric issues, especially OCD and/or psychosis, please make sure you're safe and have support in place in case you're triggered... this is a definite must-read by everyone so far though.

I'm already half way through and it's an incredibly powerful read.  It's a must-read for all doctors, but especially GPs so that they realise that just because you are seeing, hearing and feeling these things, you're not nuts but you do need help.  I hope the author got the help she needed and is on the right treatment with the right support now.

Just finished reading the book and I can sum it all up with one word:  "wow"  I know I said it up there ^^^ (or at least I *think* I did - I certainly intended to) it's like the author has got inside my head and told me that I'm not alone with those thoughts and feelings any more.

Thank you for sharing your powerful poems, Madeline... I know that I'm not the only one who feels like that now.  Please keep on keeping on and fighting your monster... the world needs you - *I* need you!

Our groceries have just been delivered and...

...after "bullying" Steve, he phoned his mum to find out what we do with the Cous Cous and it looks like it's a pretty versatile bit of food 'cos you can have it hot or cold and either use it as a side dish (we're gonna try it cold with our salad first off) or with vegan sausages or whatever to bulk it up a bit 'cos apparently it's just tiny flakes of pasta.  


Steve reckons "there's at least one meal out of the lettuce and there are loads of tomatoes" so we'll be having 2 salads this week to use up the lettuce and tomatoes as well as the second packet of cous cous, then we've got instant noodles and instant rice to use up too, so it's all quick and easy meals this week then we've got the roast on Sunday too.  


I'm drooling 🤤 now lol

Assuming we both enjoy the cous cous we'll be getting it again so that we can just get it sorted as a quick, simple and filling meal.  Same with the rice and noodles... not exactly five star restaurant meals, but it's fine for just the two of us!

Our late lunch today is Tunnock's tea cakes 😆

I was wrong, I'm sorry

I said that my calorie count would be under 1,000 calories this morning but I was wrong and I apologise for that.  I've just had 3 bananas so my current calorie count is 1,589 already.  I'm not hungry either, so it's no big deal if Steve doesn't cook for lunch today any more.


While I've got this blog post open though, I'll give you the run-down on today's grocery substitutes:


1 of Steve's sandwich fillers wasn't in stock and hasn't been replaced
2 more of Steve's (different) sandwich fillers are out of stock but have been replaced
2 of the biccies are out of stock and seem to have been replaced with a double pack
All 6 of my drinks are out of stock and have been replaced, which is totally OK with me and means that I can actually have some fizzy drinks this week for a change!


All the salad stuff was in stock and so was the Cous Cous and Steve's curry flavoured noodles so we've done pretty well this week.  Still need ideas of how to use the Cous Cous though lol

That's the FitBit spreadsheet sorted and uploaded

Just downloaded, coded and uploaded last week's spreadsheet for my FitBit, so that's that done for another week and I can concentrate on sorting the news now, then I'm guessing the groceries will turn up so I'll have to put those away then have something to eat, then I can spend the rest of the afternoon starting to read the book.


Mornin' all

How are you all doing today?  


I'm still cream crackered even though I had 8 hours of pretty undisturbed sleep.  I've already taken my morning pills, run the daily virus scan (which was still clear - yay), taken Steve's last minute recycling out and made breakfast for us both.  There are only 5 slices of bread left, so Steve'll want 4 of 'em for his breakfast which will mean I get 1 slice of bread instead of 2 slices of toast tomorrow and I'm making a prediction right now: Steve won't fancy cooking, so it'll either be salad or another MugShot day that I'll have to make and I'll be about 1000 calories for the entire day 'cos my breakfast will only be about 750 calories instead of my usual 1274.

The recyclers have just picked up our recycling for this week so just gotta chat up the rubbish collectors now then that's it until our groceries are delivered.  I'm hoping Steve'll help to put the groceries away rather than just watching me do it again, like he usually does.

I've just asked Steve what we were having for lunch and suggested a bowl of chips and he goes "it's shopping day so they might come early again" which is his way of saying he doesn't fancy cooking today, so I'm guessing (and hoping that I'm wrong) that it'll be another MugShot (made by me again) day today.

I'm gonna go and water the tomatoes now, before I forget.

Got a book to read and review today that is NF and about two of my diagnoses, so that'll be an interesting read I reckon and hopefully a 5 star review.  Not gonna even unzip my Kindle until after we've put our groceries away though.


That's the tomatoes watered, the wild birds water bowl cleaned and refilled with fresh water and me weighed.  I've lost 750g so I've gotta make sure I eat more and move less this week so that I can hopefully regain it ready for next Monday.  My hayfever is through the roof now, so I'll be sniffing and sneezing and my eyes streaming all day now.

Time to make a start on the news for my sites now, so I'll try and pop back again later.

Toodle-pip for now.

Sunday 12 September 2021

Just taken my last pills of the day and...

...I'm already feeling knackered, so gonna do the last bits of admin on this week's spreadsheet then head to bed for an early night I reckon.


Weekly totals of care provided:

Steve's care of Amanda:  1 hour 11 minutes
Amanda's care of Steve:  82 hours 0 minutes

Guess who is whose carer?

I'm gonna head to bed now 'cos I'm absolutely cream crackered.  Nite nite orl, eye'll sea ewe in the morning.

Steve's just edited the grocery order for tomorrow... it's time for the weekly grocery breakdown:

My stuff:   £3.54
Steve's stuff:  £14.59
Joint stuff:  £23.61

so amazingly, for the first time in a veeeery long time, it's the joint stuff that's the most expensive by the best part of a tenner!  That's how it should be every week and I'm happy with the split this week!  If it was like this each week then I wouldn't whine about it so much.

Looking for some recipe ideas to use the Cous Cous with... is it the sort of thing to have with our salad or is it more like something you eat as the main part of the dish please?  I've had it before, but can't remember what I had with it... if it was part of a salad or a side dish with pizza or something just on its own like a healthier Pot Noodle?

We're really pushing the boat out with new-to-us things next week 'cos as well as the cous cous, we're also having a fresh (as opposed to pre-packed) salad (that will prolly be down to me to make) and we're even having a vegan roast on Sunday so I just hope that Steve can stay motivated to do it all!

Today's lunchtime photo

Really simple and made entirely by me but today's lunch was a MugShot each, courtesy of me.  As usual with mug photo's (so instant soup or MugShots), I've blanked out the naughty word just in case there are young eyes about:

I was partly wrong with my last blog post, sorry about that

As predicted, I had to make our lunch, so that bit was right, but I was wrong about Steve wanting a double MugShot - he only wanted one in the end so he had the mac 'n' cheese one, so there's one left each now.


I'm about to take the empty mugs through, then I'll put up a photo of my lunch for you all.  Back in a bit!


Looks like I'm not having any lunch again today, after all

Steve's washing himself in the kitchen sink again 🤢 and has just said "it'll have to be another make-do lunch again after I was revisited 💩 by yesterday's milk" so that means he'll want another double MugShot (which he'll want me to make for him) which means there will be literally none left that I can have so I'll be living on the two slices of toast and the bottle of orange juice that I had for breakfast because Steve finished off the biscuits overnight too.

I was hoping to keep my weight pretty stable ready for weighing myself tomorrow, but today will be my fourth day of under 2,000 calories a day so I will have lost weight again.  I'll have to keep drinking water to stop my belly from rumbling again, for the fourth time this week.

Apparently Steve cooks all the meals (so 2 meals x 7 days = 14 meals a week, yeah?) but he's only actually cooked two of 'em this week - the other 11 meals have been made by me and I've gone without 4 lunches, which takes it down to 7 meals which have been our breakfasts every day, so him saying that he cooks all the meals is total bollox.

Book Review: "The Perfect Christmas Gift" by Katie Ginger

Kindle version:
Paperback version:
⭐⭐⭐⭐ out of 5

If you've read any of my other recent book reviews, you'll already know that I start every one just like this, explaining that every book starts off with the full five stars and I'm always hopeful that they will still be firmly stuck in place by the time I finish the book, right?  Well, as you can see, this book review is no different so far.

I'm gonna start reading with an open mind and I'll hopefully start feeling festive by the end of it.

The first couple of pages have been great, but I've found a mistake that should have been picked up in one of the early edits... not enough to knock a star off or anything, but the behaviour chart started at red and orange for naughtiness then went up through silver and gold to green and red again which my eagle-eyed pickiness couldn't help mentioning lol

Chapter 1 was great!  Chapter 2 starts on the same page as chapter 1 finishes, so I'm thinking that's cos I've got such an ancient Kindle lol

Chapter 2 has me in tears... it takes a truly incredible book to get me crying, but after only two chapters is pretty-much unheard of as far as I remember.  Get those tissues and hot chocolate ready when you get this book, 'cos I'm really needing both of those things right now.

That's twice in three chapters that I've been in tears.  I don't think my glass of water will be a suitable beverage by the end of this incredible book... I might have to dig into the choccie biccies instead of a proper lunch too lol

Oh dear.  The author has just used a couple of big brand names that I hope she has written permission to use otherwise it's the first star coming off, which I'm desperate not to happen, but it's happened with other books I've read so it wouldn't be fair not to do it with this book too... I've got a huge sense of fairness in me lol

I've just finished chapter 5 and it's a fantastic book, but my sense of fairness is taking centre stage right now, so the first (and hopefully only) star is very relutantly being removed after using another well-known brand name.  As long as the story continues as fantastically as the first five, it'll be a thoroughly well-deserved four stars at the end of the book.

OMGosh!  Where has the afternoon disappeared to?  I last added to this review at the end of chapter 5 and I'm now about to start chapter 13!  It takes a truly incredible book for me to totally lose track of eight chapters, but that's obviously what's happened with this book this afternoon - I stand firmly by what I said at the start of this review about it being a must-read book for everyone!

I've been totally engrossed in this book all day and I'm already at chapter 18 (aka 62%) and I honestly haven't got a clue where today has gone to so quickly!  I can't recommend this book highly enough to everyone who wants an awesome read to while away a day without realising that they had been so engrossed in the authors words!

I'm 71% of the way through now and it's past my bed time, but I'll be back bright and early in the morning to finish off this review and hope I don't shed too many tears on the last page.  It's been a long time since I felt so good about a Christmas novel but I'm sooo glad I took a chance on it!

Back again this morning and within 3 pages I'm drooling and wanting hot chocolate and all those high-sugar Christmas goodies lol  I started the review in tears and now I'm drooling at the descriptions of the hot chocolate and food... I've just caught myself licking my lips too lol

The last few pages have been unexpected to say the least, but I'm relieved that Nick has done the right thing so far.  Paige had no right to do what she did and I'm glad that Nick can see that now.




What a perfect ending and I'm on the verge of tears again.  Those four stars are solidly stuck in place and literally the only reason I'm not giving it the full five is 'cos of the use of those big brand names - if the author had used fictitious names or gained written permission from those brands before the book was published then it would have been a very solid 5 stars throughout, but that really is the only reason.  This is a must-read by everyone who wants to feel cosy and snuggly and get ready for Christmas early.