Mornin' all

I've woken up feeling like I haven't slept so today is gonna have to be a sloooow day for me.

I've popped my morning pills and opened a new box of one of my prescriptions, ready for next week, as well as taking the first video of the day, so I'm good to go until my carer gets here now.

Gotta remember to look through a page on my website to try and find a photo ready for remembering my husband and puppy dog.

I'm also expecting a delivery today ready for using it with the thing I've bought it to go with.

Time to publish this and get my day's to-do list together now methinks.

BBS

I dunno...

...what's happened with my blog visitors today but one of this morning's blog posts reached double figures of views which hasn't happened since I lost Mitzi back in 2020!  I'm sooo grateful for every new visitor to my blog and I really hope you can find it within yourself to stick around 'cos this is the only place I am 100% honest and don't have to carefully ponder every word I utter!

Thank you all so so much, whoever you are!

Blimey!

There have been a huuuuge 10,035 since I started this blog all those years ago and you've seen every part of me in those posts... the good, the bad and the downright ugly.  I've totally bared my soul and you've read things that nobody else has known unless you've told them or they've read it here themselves.

There have been loads of photo's, mainly of Mitzi (I hope you're still RIP and that you've met up with Steve and you are both exploring Rainbow Bridge while you wait for me) but more recently, all my meals (other than when I'm with my in-laws) and when I see her and if she agrees, I'll put up photos of my mum too because it'll be 13 years this August since I last saw her and I miss her so much so there will be lots of photos and videos taken of her and I'll soak up every second I spend with her.

I've got my last hot drink of the day on the go, to try and warm myself up a bit.  I'm not gonna be online for several hours tomorrow 'cos I'll be with my in-laws again, but I'll be here before I go and when I get home, after I've taken my lunchtime pill and refilled the dosette box ready for next week.

I'm gonna check Tuesday's grocery order to check I've still got the boxes of chocolates on there, then I'll finish off the ones from 2 weeks ago and refill the tub with this weeks.  It wasn't so long ago that I would have scoffed the lot within hours of them arriving, so I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for making the tub last for very nearly two weeks.

Just checked the order and yeah, there are 2 cartons of treat-sized chocolates and 2 pasta salads on there in case I get peckish during the week.  I've checked the week after's order too and I've got a couple of ready to eat cous cous' on there so I'll be able to eat if the electricity goes off around lunchtime.  The water appointment isn't until after lunch, so I'll have bread 'n' spread so that I can use the opportunity to increase my calorie count by over 1,000 more if I need to.

It's almost time for my last pills of the day now and this blog post is getting waaaay too long, so I'm gonna shut up and publish this now lol

Pills taken, plants and seedlings...

...watered, carer cared for, for over 11 hours and I've gotta drink as little as possible tomorrow so that I don't need a wee while we're with Steve's family again on Sunday for lunch.  We will have seen his family 3 times in 12 days, which is the same as I've seen my mum since July 2010... I saw her at my dad's funeral, again a couple of weeks later, then again in August 2010 with Mitzi and I haven't seen her since.  I wish they were all typos and that I meant 2020 but nope, I haven't seen her for 12 years.  So much for regular visits eh?

Mornin' all

How's it going for you this morning?

I've dropped and can't find one of my prescribed pills, so I'm glad that we don't have a pet any more otherwise they would find it, eat it and die and it'd be all my fault.

On less worrying news, the daily virus scan was still clear but Steve's wasted even more of my money by leaving, as predicted yesterday, half a packet of ham that went out of date yesterday "I've still got another 3 packets in the fridge though, so I'll have those instead" according to Steve, which isn't the point and I'm predicting that at least one of those packets will go to waste too, but because it's not Steve paying, it doesn't matter 😡.

 

It's soup on the menu for lunch today, which I'll have to make for Steve and go hungry again myself.  I've only had one proper lunch so far this week (or 2 if you include yesterday's tub of ice cream) but Steve's had 9 proper meals so far this week and I'll have to go and make his tenth when he wakes up.  He's also had (and left to go cold) 7 hot drinks so far this week and hasn't had more than a mouthful of any of them... my last hot drink was last week - apparently "I make all her meals and drinks for her" though <shrug>

I've got that book to finish reading and reviewing this morning, so hopefully that'll quickly improve my mood.  Gotta make Steve's breakfast and water the seedlings/plants first though.

I've changed my mind

If I do the laps as well as cutting the calories, I could lose too much weight, so I'm gonna stick to 2,000 calories while I'm doing my laps, then adjust it next week according to what the scales say then.  I'll be using up more calories by doing the torso twists and laps than I have been when I haven't been doing them, so I'll need the extra calories this week.

New plan for this week is to do the laps and torso twists but still aim to eat 2,000 calories a day then adjust it next week as necessary.

 

Maybe I should make the laps a permanent thing so that I can try to build up strength in my legs again?  Like my own personal attempt at trying to gain confidence in my body staying upright again, like when the puppy dog was alive and I was walking her twice a day, every day?

That's me dosed up for the final time today

I'm all dosed up and fancy an early night again, so this might be my last blog post of the day.  If it is, I'll say nite nite two ewe orl now and I'll see you again in the morning.

I'm expecting a delivery from Amazon at some point tomorrow that will, hopefully and in theory, just be able to be pushed through the letter box in one of those Amazon envelopes so that I can be ready to get my new glasses in a few weeks time.  I'm expecting another Amazon delivery of kitchen stuff on Monday and Steve's got "a huge, heavy order of sweets from A Quarter Of due on Monday" so I'm predicting that I'll have to struggle to bring that in too.

I've recommended Mitzi's (RIP puppy dog) insurance to my BIL via Steve 'cos they are getting a cat on Monday and the insurance company were sooooo easy to deal with after Mitzi trotted over to Rainbow Bridge.  If you're in the UK and you've got a pet cat or dog, I can't recommend Paws and Claws highly enough... they are a small, independent insurer who really appreciate all their customers and how much each pet means to each person and family.

I'll sleep well tonight!

At the weekend, I promised myself that I'd aim to do 15 minutes worth of laps each day and gradually increase it.

I managed it on Monday, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to add on an extra five minutes twice a day, so that's what I did on Tuesday.  I hit 29 minutes on my second set of laps yesterday so I figured I'd aim for 30 minutes once today... I managed it this morning and feeling motivated I decided to attempt it again this afternoon too.

I've just finished the second set of laps and managed 32 minutes, which was totally awesome and I'm really proud of myself.  It seemed to help that I wasn't counting each step in my head this afternoon, like I had been the previous 3 or 4 times.

I was aiming for a total of 6,000 steps but I've managed a huge 7,075 so far today, so might even hit 8,000 steps by the time I head to bed tonight, which I haven't done in about a year since our puppy dog passed away last year.

Hopefully I'll have lost some weight when I weigh myself on Monday lol

No news today, so...

...I've made me an' 'im a hot drink because I wasn't able to "flirt" (Steve's word, not mine) with either of the collecters this morning and not having any news means that I've got the time between now and when the groceries are delivered totally to myself, so I'll spend it doing surveys.  

 

My NaNo rewards were dispatched this morning and will be here on Saturday apparently.  My target for this year before I'm rewarded is to hit 5k words before I'm allowed one, which will be challenging but hopefully achievable and will mean I'll be finished on 10th November if I manage it every day, but I'm giving myself until the 15th just in case I can't cope with writing on the day we lost the puppy dog.  I'm determined to get through it in her memory though.  We can do this together... her inspiring me from Rainbow Bridge and me trying to keep up with her thoughts and ideas, just like last year.

Gonna go and water the tomatoes first, before I forget, though lol

Already drunk 2 litres of sugar (aka pop) today, along with this morning's orange juice (250ml) and now the coffee (500ml) so it's gonna be another day of a lotta liquid and I remain hopeful that we'll have the rice for lunch, but I won't believe it until it's in front of me though.

The groceries are due this afternoon, but I bet I'll be in the bathroom when it arrives lol

Need to remember to take my afternoon pill too, which will be even more liquid for my body to process lol

I'm currently 10 minutes away from caring for my carer for 6 hours already today, so 10 hours is pretty much guaranteed, maybe 11 hours or even 12 at a push.

Mornin' all

I've taken my morning pills, made breakfast for Steve, watered the tomatoes, weighed myself and sorted the Monday morning admin for my FitBit.

 

What had been a really good day quickly became a very bad day when Steve asked me "when are you starting your writing marathon?" so I replied "1st November, same as always" and he goes "you're not writing on the 5th are you?" obviously expecting me to support him on the first anniversary of when we lost the puppy dog.  Well tough shit, Steve... just for a change I'm gonna be selfish and not support you, the same as you don't support me.  I just allow myself to be selfish for 30 days a year and you're not gonna fuck that up for me this year or any year in the future... you'll have to learn to support yourself for a change.  If you need support then phone your fucking family for those 30 days a year.  I support you for over 300 days a year, so you're not gonna make me feel guilty for having a fews days off.

Well, that's two virus scans finished and...

...the weekly backups started before 8.40am, which ain't bad going at all.

 

I'm wondering though, if the daily and weekly scans are maybe the same 'cos they took about the same length of time to finish?  Gonna go and check now, while I remember... back in a bit.

 

Nope, all three types of scan are right, so maybe I just haven't been noticing how quickly the smart scan finished every day?  Yesterday's deep scan was done and dusted in about 4 hours, today's scans took about 1¼ hours each and I think the daily scan takes about an hour, so maybe I should watch it going through and time the daily scan more accurately tomorrow?

 

I've taken my morning pills and had my breakfast (5 biscuits and a banana lol) but Steve's bottom isn't feeling too well so he's tried to cancel his appointment in the early hours and he's gonna phone up his surgery to make sure it's been cancelled now, just in case... "eating a pound of meat for lunch yesterday prolly didn't help" to quote Steve lol

As soon as the back-ups have finished, I'll make a start on the news, then the surveys.  Not gonna study today 'cos I'm not in the right head-space atm.  

 

Today is also the 11th anniversary of when my father passed away and not even Steve or C remembered and asked what happened 11 years ago today, which ain't good going from either of them really.

 

I'm just gonna take today as it comes I reckon.

Just had the Neurologist's secretary on the phone wanting to know the details of the psychiatrist I saw, but I haven't been there for at least a decade... certainly not while we had the puppy dog but it was my GP that referred me, not them so I pointed her back to my GP and hope that they can get things sorted instead.

Totally done in now!

I've just done my exercise and the only time I'm gonna leave the sofa now is to go to the bathroom and then, after I've taken my pills, I'll go up to bed and hopefully zonk pretty much straight out, like I did last night.

 

My thighs are killing me, my knees are wobbly and my head's going "WTAF were you thinking just then?!"

 

I've put the Tuesday Fitbit image up on my homepage now, and I think the reason I was so knackered by the time I eventually clambered into bed, was 'cos Sunday was my best steps day and I managed the most steps since the puppy dog went to Rainbow Bridge (5th November 2020) yesterday too... only by about 500 but it was obviously too much on top of the new exercise too, so I think I pushed my body a touch too hard yesterday and it's making me regret it today.  I won't push it so hard for the rest of the week though, so it'll have a chance to recover.

Mornin' all

I'm not medically qualified, but I reckon it was the AD that was making me suicidal and the Zyprexa zapping my motivation 'cos I haven't been even remotely suicidal since coming off the AD, even after we lost Mitzi, which would have pushed me over the edge usually.  I took the Zyprexa for the first time in years last night and I had the most disturbed night since my Fitbit was bought back at the end of 2019 and I seriously struggled to get out of bed for the best part of half an hour, yet yesterday morning and pretty much every morning before that, I woke up and got up as soon as I was awake and had the motivation to tackle the next bit that I needed to tidy up in the bedroom.  Literally the only thing that changed was taking the Zyprexa, but it took over two hours to achieve what I achieved in about 45 minutes yesterday.

We've only just had our breakfast, the best part of 3 hours later than yesterday and I can't be arsed to do anything this morning, but I had endless motivation 2 days ago!  Cheaper was definitely better for me with the AP and it's cheaper for the NHS too.

This morning's virus scan was clear again so I've just gotta summon up the motivation to get the news sorted and do my exercises now.

Late start this morning!

Mornin' all.

 

Had a very late start this morning 'cos according to my FitBit app I was asleep until 6.59am then I spent the best part of half an hour sorting out more rubbish, then came down, took my morning pills, Steve finished off the toastie bread 'cos I couldn't reach the next loaf for my own toast, so Steve had toast and I had bread and butter, started the virus scan and it's already almost 9am!  Gonna make a start on the news now, then see how the day pans out after that.

 

Found a packet of printed photo's of the puppy dog while I was clearing out the drawer, so I'm gonna see if I can find anywhere online to get her better photos printed too, so that I'll always be able to look at them and cry.

The person from Freegle who wanted the tinsel has been busy and forgot about it, which is fair enough, but hopefully that'll be going in the next few days, then it's just the wheelchair bag to go.

Tomorrow morning I'll be clearing the table in the spare room before I come down to start my day and I'll hopefully be able to Freegle Mitzi's toys before the end of the weekend, then it's Steve's camera bags and stuff then the set of plastic drawers and hopefully I'll be able to start work on Steve's stuff in the spare room then.

Gonna go out and do my exercises now though, before I forget again.

Lunch eaten, news sorted, exercise completed, which means...

...that I can spend the rest of the afternoon and evening catching up on Facebook, my emails and maybe even studying while Steve's asleep.  Again.  He blamed his sleepiness on the puppy dog wanting to go out several times a night, but he said this morning that he was watching videos/podcasts until the early hours, then dozed until 3am and he was awake from then onwards... the puppy went to Rainbow Bridge in November 2020 so it's impossible that she is keeping him awake now!

So far today, I've managed to...

...achieve a decent amount.

 

Had breakfast (as predicted, not porridge, but I had sultanas and an apple insted), gave two things to Freegle bods, did one set of news, took my day-time pills, potentially found a way to get rid of Steve's barely touched books, almost finished a second set of news, had lunch (spaghetti and meat-free meatballs), finished off the second and final sets of news, "studied" (it's in quotes 'cos all I did was keep pressing the 'next' button so that I could take the first assessment today), passed an assessment first time, with literally no knowledge of the course and now I'm gonna veg out and eat biscuits and surf the 'net and stuff for the rest of the day.

When the creative stuff goes tomorrow and the news has been sorted, I'll hopefully be able to spend the rest of the day properly studying at a different site 🤞

Steve had a telephone appointment with a doc this morning, who has sent him a link to an NHS talking therapy place to see if that helps him with his grief over Mitzi.  I will, of course, do my best to support him too, but having someone trained and who didn't know her so won't get upset too, will hopefully help him to cope with it a bit better.

I also got told that self-published authors (like me with my NaNo book) could submit to a SCBWI member exclusive (UV2020) which is awesome and gives me something to motivate myself to get one of my MS' knocked into the best shape it can be before then.

Overall, I've had a really good day today, which I'm sooo thankful for.

Time to do my daily exercises now and hope that it wipes me out so that I can have an early night tonight.

The medical appointment went OK and I've spent the rest of the day...

...sorting out the news and catching up on Facebook.  Plan for tomorrow is to do the news bits and bobs as soon as I wake up and come downstairs, then spend the rest of the day studying a childcare course about SEN.  Gonna take my pills and head to bed for an early night now though - my body is complaining about the extra walking I did today that hasn't happened since the start of November 2020 when the puppy dog died.

 

Taken my morning pills, backed up my machine, had my breakfast and...

...caught up on 3 days worth of emails.  The virus scan finished 36 minutes before I came downstairs but it restarted instead of shutting down for some bizarre reason.  Not to worry though, it's all finished for another month, just the standard daily and weekly scans to do now, same as normal.

We're having veggie burgers for lunch today, but Steve couldn't work out what the tongs were from the picture on the box until I told him 😌 so we're putting C's Christmas gift to good use already 👍  I'm hoping for pasta 'n' sauce tomorrow so that he can try out the drainage spoon as well.  We'll be able to christen the cutlery then too.

 

My FitBit has finished charging up now, so time to put it back around my ankle again.  Gonna do my squats after I've done the news.

Steve's made us both a "posh decaf coffee" in the cafetierre so we're slowly drinking our way through that too.  Wanna study again after I've done the three sets of news... we shall see if there's enough time left though.  

 

It's only 2 days before JanNo starts and I'm gonna write the puppy's biography for it.  I won't want it available to everyone, but I want paper copies for those who knew her.  There will be tears and photos a-plenty, but it'll be my way of saying thank you and goodbye to her.

It's snowed overnight around here!

Just been to take the last mince pie box out and there's a fair-ish amount of snow out there.  It's far from deep, but way more than a dusting 'cos you can't tell what colour the cars are that have parked in the street.

 

I'm grateful to the Green Man for waiting until the puppy had crossed over to Rainbow Bridge and after we'd got home on Christmas Day and put the rubbish and recycling out yesterday before he sent it down so that I felt confident walking in it.

 

Gonna sort out our third recycling box now, so that we can put the week's worth of plastic bottles in it before it's collected on the 4th.  We're really good at sorting the recycling from the rubbish and only put out a single black bag of rubbish each week, but at least one full box of recycling and it'll be three next week 'cos there are already two out there lol

 

I've already taken my morning pills and had my breakfast (the last 3 mince pies of the season), put the Fitbit spreadsheet onto my site and set the deep virus scan going, so now I'll put the glass into a bag and use our third recycling box for plastic again, until it's collected next week, then do my squats and sort out the news.  Not gonna study today, at least until the groceries have been delivered.

Virus scan finished, happier with my weight, pills taken, sooo...

...just got the news to sort out then I can relax for the rest of the day.  Might study or might not, haven't decided for sure yet.  Gonna spend this week of exercising really pushing myself, especially with the squats, so that the weekly graph looks more interesting and I can push myself to achieve more now that the puppy is waiting for us at Rainbow Bridge, so I'm not getting the twice a day walks.  When the weather heats up and I've got permission from the nurse to maintain my weight instead of gain or lose it, I'll do the strolls around the house and back yard each hour again.  Being sat on the sofa in front of a computer all day can't be good for my health, right?