...who am I?
Tell me who I am that doesn't involve caring or supporting or listening to or anything else for anyone else... tell me what I enjoy, how I feel, how to discover who I am and how to get to know the person I am that isn't based on anyone else.
I just don't have anything that's just for me - every single thing I do is for others and I don't know who I am as a person any more or even how do get to know that person. I only know how to be what someone else needs - a listening ear, a bank, a counsellor, a sounding board... I haven't got a single person who is willing to do that for me even 1% of the time (ie 3½ days or 84 hours a year) and people wonder why I explode for a few minutes at the end of each year so their reaction is to tell me to bring it here to my blog.
Even the studying and MRI are for other people - the studying is so that I can add it to my CV and encourage others to study/improve themselves and the MRI is so that Steve can "yeah, her memory is cruddy because of her damaged brain" and so that I can put it onto my PIP claim so that he can get carers allowance for me again.
The writing is so that I can encourage children to enjoy getting lost in a book and my websites and blogs are for my visitors to feel less alone.
The surveys I do are for companies to get a glimpse of how they can move ahead of their competitors and I listen to the radio so that I can concentrate on helping everyone else.
I'm close to the edge, I really am, and I dunno how much longer I can cling on to the edge of the cliff ledge for 'cos my fingers are already slipping further and further off each day.
If you really care about me, please answer the question I asked at the top of this post, but it has to be something just for me instead of something that other people can use me for.
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