Sunday 2 August 2020

Yes, I'm a liar

When I say "I'm fine" or "I'm OK" I'm lying 'cos I know that the only time you contact me is when you want/need to talk about something.

When you receive a gift that you like, thank Steve.  If you don't like your gift, blame me 'cos I know that if I tell the truth then I "must have forgotten.  Again" to put Steve's name on the tag, even though he didn't even know I'd bought the gifts until literally five minutes before we left the house.

It doesn't matter what I think or feel, as long as I agree with you.

My depression is psychosomatic and magically resolved when I came off the ADs, even though in reality it was because the new recipe had an allergen in it.

My psychosis is fake 'cos I am reducing the dosage of the AP without any negative affects, because I don't talk about what's really going on in my head.

I'm selfish and demanding and frustrating and you give up with me, yet you can't tell me how I'm feeling right now or yesterday or last week or last month, let alone longer ago than that.

I'm a liar about everything and anything you don't like is my fault instead of yours.

So, as well as no longer trusting anyone, I will keep lying too because that's what you all want.  You want a meek, shy, forgiving, trustworthy friend who is there for you at the drop of a hat, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, so that's exactly what you'll get until I die.  Then you'll wonder why I didn't confide in you about how badly I was feeling.  Well this blog post will hopefully provide you with the answers.  I don't have any debts any more, so assuming I make it until the end of October this year, Steve will get my full life insurance and the mortgage will be paid off, so he'll only have the groceries and electricity and TV and internet and other ongoing bills to deal with and he can use my life insurance to pay off his debts so that he doesn't have to remortgage the house without my knowledge again.

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