Morning all

I'm really not coping with my loss at all. I haven't stopped crying since I got home yesterday and I'm seriously running out of the 5-HTP and can't afford to replace them now.

I'm not gonna have any breakfast this morning otherwise it'll come straight back up and I'm gonna cancel this morning's carer too 'cos I really don't feel up to getting washed and dressed today.  I know I need the lunchtime carer 'cos all I've eaten in the last 24 hours is two slices of toast and a packet of crisps, but I really can't face anything other than sobbing my heart out and feeling sorry for myself.

I've taken my morning pills and started the weekly virus scan and started on the drinking chocolates way too early today, but right now I just don't care. My groceries are due this morning so I'm hoping that the Belgian buns are in stock so that I can comfort eat my way through all four of them this afternoon - far from healthy but at this point I just don't care... today is a comfort eating and drinking day so that I can get through it without doing anything stupid.

If you've still got a partner then cherish every second that you spend with them and take too many photos and videos of them - especially when they are smiling and looking straight at the camera... if you've got a way to video them then take too many videos too so that you've got reminders of what they sounded like when they are gone... I wish I had more of Steve talking normally instead of just sounding frustrated.

The major task for today is to not throw up.