I managed just under 8 hours of sleep last night and didn't sob myself to sleep for the first time in 12 days... the tears are rolling down my cheeks again now though.
Today is gonna be my first day totally alone 'cos Marie and her mum are doing something or other that I've already forgotten today so I'm gonna go and relax in a bath for a while today... my first one as a widow.
I'm gonna have another bowl of Steve's boring Bran Flakes this morning and I've gotta remember to get the orange juice as well, then lunch will be couple of slices of pizza and my Graze box. I'm gonna go and bring my nephew's Christmas gifts and Marie's birthday pressie down first though, so that I don't forget later on. I've gotta bag up Steve's wallet and paperwork ready for tomorrow too.
In a way, I'm glad Steve did so little for me in his last few months 'cos it prepared me for living alone and the two household emergencies were preparation from Gaia just to make sure that I could cope alone before Steve slipped away. It's been 3 days and I'm coping OK so far, so hopefully I'll continue to be able to cope alone now.
My daily virus scan has finished and was still clear, so I'm gonna:
- go and bring the gifts down
- bag all the gifts up
- bag up Steve's wallet and paperwork in a separate bag
- go and get a towel and set of clothes
- have a bath
- get dressed for the first time as a widow
- have breakfast
- make myself a coffee
- cry
Tomorrow is gonna be my first Christmas without a father figure or husband and I'm really not looking forward to it.
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