I've decided...

...that from now on, everything will be for Steve.  Every last penny I'm left with at the end of each month will be saved up and moved over to Steve to get what he wants with.  I'll still keep paying for the electricity and groceries, but I'll gradually start eating and drinking less and less so that there's more available for Steve.  I'll make breakfast for him and won't be hungry each morning, so will say that I've eaten my toast while I was waiting for his, but in reality I've eaten bugger all.

 

I'll start drinking less pop so that I don't need to order as many bottles each week and start having a spare bottle each week that Steve can have (I'll have to find out which is his favourite so that that's the one that's left each week) then increase it to two spares a week so that I can take them off and let Steve have an extra couple of bottles.

 

Then I'll start missing lunches, because I've had too much for breakfast so that Steve can start getting more sausages and beef burgers a couple of times a month.  Then I'll start just having soup and spreaded bread, then just the bread, then just the soup, then just the squash, then just water and Steve will have mostly meaty stuff on each week's shop so that it doesn't go to waste during the hot weather.

 

I'll still be eating, just bread and butter and soup and toast and stuff like that.  I haven't got an eating disorder 'cos I know I need to put on weight, but because the soya spread is so high calorie and I can't have ordinary butter, I can honestly get all the calories I need from literally just four slices of bread and spread a day 'cos that's about 2,500 calories so I'll be getting enough calories to live on, but Steve will have almost £40 to spend on the groceries each week instead of his current £30 and if I gradually increase that extra tenner in really slowly then he won't notice what's happening 'cos he doesn't give a shit about me.

Hopefully by the end of the year I'll be back to the person I was when Steve first met me and my father was alive.  I'll start off by taking the blame for everything that goes wrong and work it all in at a snail's pace so that no-one gets suspicious.  I'd slowly started to regain my confidence and maybe stand up for myself a bit, but I was wrong - I bend to everyone elses will and become a shadow that is only useful when someone wants something.

The virus scan has finished and I'm still free of nasties, the backups have finished first time this week (yay!) and I've successfully created a couple of restore points "just in case I need them".

I did my exercises surprisingly easily this morning too, which was reassuring.  My left knee played me up almost straight away but I'm used to that now and it stops hurting after a couple of hours, so that's OK.

I had a look at yesterday's FitBit stats and for the second week on the trot I was less than 100 steps away from my daily target, annoyingly.