Saturday, 7 January 2023

I can't do this

In the space of 12 years I've lost:

  • My father
  • My last two grandparents
  • Mitzi
  • My FIL
  • My husband

 

I've now gotta cope with everything totally alone 'cos there's no way I can see my mum again because neither of us can drive and I don't wanna make my in-laws cope with helping me as well as each other.  

  • Marie has already got too much on her plate with working full-time and being her mum's carer.
  • Andrew has got a young family of his own
  • There's nothing more that can be done for my main disability
  • I can't afford all the bills that I'll now have to pay alone
  • There's too much stuff to tidy up in the house
  • I need to get the washer/drier fixed or replaced
  • I need to get a new microwave 'cos the one I've got now hasn't been used since 1999 so it's not safe any more
  • I've gotta deal with Steve's finances and I bet I won't even do that right
  • I've gotta sort out the mortgage
  • I've gotta find out about getting a better deal on the water
  • I've gotta cancel Steve's phone and prolly have to pay astronomical fees for cancelling it mid-contract
  •  I've gotta find out about benefits and grants
  • I can't safely get up and down the stairs alone, but I don't have a choice in that either
  • Just having a digital reminder thing that I could wear around my neck would be a huge help 'cos I forget what I'm doing or where I'm going before I've even left the room
  • I can't safely live alone but I don't have a choice and I really don't wanna move but it's looking like I'll have to
  • and if all that wasn't enough, I've gotta get the emersion heater/outside plumbing fixed too. 
  • My care package only lasts for 12 weeks 
  • And now I can't even have toast 'cos the lunchtime carer yesterday has pushed the toaster so far back that I don't stand a chance of even touching it, let alone using it!
It's too much to cope with at the best of times, but now that I'm a disabled young widow it's sooo much harder than ever before. 
 
Basically I'm fucked and people still expect me to support them and update their fucking website for them. 


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