In the last 45 years...

...I've lost:

• all 4 grandparents
• 2 children
• my father
• my father-in-law
• my husband

That's 9 close relatives and I'm only just middle-aged.

I've seen my mum 3 times since my father's funeral in 2010 and my brother only at my father's funeral.

For medical reasons (other than the menopause) I'm infertile so my twins were my one and only chance of becoming a mum.

I lost my father in 2010 and my father-in-law became my male role model until he died last year.

I became a young Yule widow in 2022 but instead of being allowed to grieve I've had to support others constantly.

I've got 2 rare disabilities that I'm having to cope with alone with pretty much no support as I'm seen as too selfish and demanding when I ask for help and I'm told that I'm ungrateful when I try and express the opinion I was told to give 6 weeks ago.

I'm teetering on a very thin, very sharp knife edge but nobody gives a fuck about me as long as I'm still there for them whenever they need support.

I stupidly thought that I could reach out for support amongst those I've been supporting for decades, but I was wrong... so, so wrong.