Nite nite orl

I've been sleeping better for the last few days and managed almost 9 hours last night, so I'm catching up on my 3 hours a night since 10th December now.

Nite nite orl.

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Charge up my FitBit - I'll do it tomorrow 'cos it's still at 82%
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books - I'm 40% of the way through the first one - up to 71% now
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

If you think you know me...

...tell me 3 good and 1 not-so-good thing about me?  Please?  My self-confidence is right at the deepest depths right now and I need to know how my friends feel about me and how I can improve.

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Charge up my FitBit - I'll do it tomorrow 'cos it's still at 82%
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books - I'm 40% of the way through the first one
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (31st March 2023) lunch photo

When I first started getting my carers in to help me to do my lunch, it was things that could literally be put on a baking tray, bunged into the oven for 20 minutes then plated up and eaten.  It's been pasta or rice meals so far this week, so for the sake of nostalgia I put just hash browns on the menu for today and it tasted sooo good!  It turns out that the hash browns needed to go 20℃ hotter for a minute less 'cos it was spot on today using that temperature and time!

I gave myself a couple of good splodges of brown sauce too, so that the hash browns weren't so dry.

Here's today's lunch photo:

Oooh!

Someone's just tried to log in to my Microsoft account, but because I set it up to send me a one time passcode for every log in, they ain't gonna be able to access it!

Can someone remind me, after lunch, to try and work out how to contact my media company so that I can get the TeeVo box sent back and also change my email address back to Steve's so that they don't get lost amongst the spam that usually goes into that account pretty please?

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Charge up my FitBit
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books - I'm 40% of the way through the first one
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (31st March 2023) breakfast photo

Went back to having toast this morning and noticed that I'm running low on the dairy-free spread so I've put a 1kg tub of it onto my grocery order which should keep me going for a couple of days  😉  I've got 7 days of the orange juice left, so I need to remember to add another 4 pack to the order too, so that I don't run out next Saturday lol

Here's today's breakfast photo:

Today's (31st March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Charge up my FitBit
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books - I'm 40% of the way through the first one
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Morning all

How are you all doing today?

I've just checked my smart electricity meter and In 4¼ days I've used £11.72 which is just over 2 days budget so I'm using just over half of what I've budgeted for which is a huuuuge relief and as a reward, I'm not gonna restrict myself to an hour of heat a day any more... I'm gonna put the heater on for half an hour whenever I'm cold 'cos that's all this room needs to take the chill out of the air.

I've put the heater on, taken my morning pills and started the virus scan, so I'm gonna put up my to-do list then wait for my carers to come before I have my breakfast again I think.

I haven't got anything happening today (other than my carers of course), so I'm gonna spend the day with my nose in a book for the third day.  Each chapter in this series of books have self-contained chapters, so I'm not rushing through this one, like I usually have to 'cos of my crappy memory.

I'm also gonna dive into the chocolate today 'cos I've got about 3.5kg of it in the fridge from 2 weeks ago lol

This blog post is waaaay too long, so I'm gonna publish it, sort out the to-do list and wait for my carer now I reckon.

Nite nite orl

I've had an exhausting day today, so I've taken my last two pills of the day and I'm heading to bed straight away, now that I've remembered to put my woollen laundry on to wash.

Can someone remind me to email Amazon and Virgin tomorrow pretty please?  There's no hurry (yet!) but it's another two things out of the way then.

I'll see you all in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

Fourth and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan - it found an advanced issue! 😟
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Meet up with OT for the first time
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

I've somehow managed to...

...accidentally get 5 active minutes on my FitBit today, which I can only guess is from taking the OT lady on a very slow tour of the house.  I'm not gonna do any more than that for the rest of this week, but I'm gonna aim for it just one day a week starting next week so that hopefully I won't lose any weight, but it'll get me used to moving around a bit more.  I'm gonna make it more interesting than just doing laps of the downstairs of the house too... maybe I'll do it on Tuesday after I've put the groceries away then get ready for lots of up and down stairs on Wednesday (although I hope not).

Those 5 minutes have seriously wiped me out so I'm gonna read one more chapter then take my pills and head to bed methinks.

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan - it found an advanced issue! 😟
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Meet up with OT for the first time
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

It really *was*...

...psychosomatic and the pasta really *was* cook, just not as much as I've been used to up to now is all.

Why?

Simple but totally honest answer is 'cos I'm fine now lol

Today's (30th March 2023) lunch photo

Quick cooking question for you... how long should you cook pasta for from cold and dry with the water just come out of the cold tap to draining, dishing up and eating please?

It's just that today's carer put the pasta on for 10 minutes from taking it out of the pasta box, putting it into the pan filling the pan with just enough water to cook the pasta then timing it for 10 minutes from there, so it was only actually boiling for about 5 minutes... is that long enough or is there a potential for food poisoning there please?

I'm feeling incredibly sick atm but I dunno if that's psychosomatic or if it's food poisoning kicking in already... what do you reckon please?

It was pasta and the last half of the tomato and garlic pasta sauce for lunch today... assuming it doesn't revisit me any time soon of course!

Here's today's lunch photo:

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan - it found an advanced issue! 😟
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Meet up with OT for the first time
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan - it found an advanced issue! 😟
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Meet up with OT for the first time
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (30th March 2023) breakfast photo

Today's breakfast was the same but different 'cos the bottom crust came off one of the slices of bread as I was checking it for mold and I didn't wanna risk not being able to get it out when it had finished toasting, so I just had bread and dairy free spread with, of course, an orange juice for breakfast today.  There are gonna be several days of the same breakfast but for different reasons next time... the loaf that I took out of the freezer this morning is severely squished at the bottom of the loaf, so I definitely won't be able to have toast then either lol.

Here's today's breakfast photo:

Today's (30th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Meet up with OT for the first time
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Mornin' all

Got another busy day ahead of me again 'cos I've got an OT coming out to do an assessment of me and this house within an hour of my morning carer's usual leaving time then I've got my lunchtime carers after that then I'll finally be able to stop and breathe after that, so I'm gonna stick my nose back into yesterday's book which I've forgotten everything about so I'll have to start reading it all over again lol

I've taken my morning pills and started the daily virus scan so I'm gonna go and make my breakfast before I put my to-do list up this morning so that I don't risk answering the door mid-mouthful lol

Nite nite orl

I've had a really good day today, and I'm especially proud of my efforts at lunchtime too so I can go to bed with a relieved smile on my face now.

I've popped my pills and charged up my FitBit, so I've just gotta put my mobile in its cover then head up to bed now.

Nite nite orl.

Sixth and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do the cotton laundry
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Do the washing up ready for lunchtime
• Plant a tree thanks to my smart meter
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Fifth update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do the cotton laundry
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Do the washing up ready for lunchtime
• Plant a tree thanks to my smart meter
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Just had the quote for the repair and...

...I'm very happy with it, so is my BIL so just waiting on my SIL to have a look then if she's happy with the quote too, I'll hopefully be able to have my first hot bubble bath for 2 years by this time next week!

Today's (29th March 2023) lunch photo

Today's lunch (like breakfast) was made pretty much entirely by me 'cos my lunchtime carer was more interested in scrubbing the kitchen sink, washing up bowl, draining rack and the counters than actually cooking.  All the sides in and around the kitchen sink are sparkling but the floor is soaked and quite frankly dangerous to even go near let alone walk on, so it's a good job that I've got 16 litres of pop to get through 'cos I certainly don't feel safe enough to make myself any other drinks before tomorrow morning now!

I made myself spaghetti with tomato and garlic pasta sauce today and literally the only thing my carer did that even approached cooking was to drain the spaghetti and plate it all up for me.

Here's today's lunch photo:

Fourth update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do the cotton laundry
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Do the washing up ready for lunchtime
• Plant a tree thanks to my smart meter
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Aaand...

...relax!

I'm all clear of nasties and backed up for another week and I got through an incredibly tough chapter in the book, so it's all done and dusted for the next 7 days now and I can eat my lunch without having to risk disconnecting my hard drive like I was thinking when I first started dreading at 6am.

I'm gonna keep reading for the rest of the day 'cos I'm totally engrossed in this book now... still definitely 5 stars, thankfully.

The weekly virus scan...

...finished in 4 hours instead of 6 like I thought, so I've started the backups and I'm cautiously hoping that they will be finished before my lunchtime carer turns up.  If the backups are still going when the carer turns up then that's fair enough and I'll just start again this afternoon, but there is at least 2 hours before that even starts to look like a possibility so I'm keeping my fingers crossed 🤞 that they will be finished in time.

I'm reading a book, but won't save any more of the review until the backups have finished now.  It's another one in the "Confessions of..." series, so I can pick it up and put it down as necessary.  Good Reads says that it'll take 5 hours and 23 minutes to read it, so if that's right, I'll have another book review up before I head to bed tonight.

I've decided that...

...I am gonna read a book today 'cos my virus scan is only at 50% after 3 hours, so it'll be lunchtime before it finishes, so I'm gonna make good use of my morning rather than just staring at the progress bar and willing it to move faster.  I'm gonna read and review a book until I have my lunch, then put the book away until tomorrow morning.  The series I'm reading all have self-contained chapters so I don't need to remember what I'd previously read to be able to understand and follow it, so that's what I'm gonna do I reckon.

Will it be another 5 star book?  I really hope so!

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do the cotton laundry
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Do the washing up ready for lunchtime
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do the cotton laundry
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Do the washing up ready for lunchtime
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (29th March 2023) breakfast photo

Just had my usual breakfast this morning of, you guessed it, 2 slices of toast, a decent amount of dairy-free spread and an orange juice.  I've also got a mug of drinking chocolate on the go to warm me up a bit.  I've gotta remember to take another loaf of bread out of the freezer otherwise I won't be able to have breakfast on Friday and I need all the calories I can get right now, until my weight is back up to where I want it to be and the toast and high-calorie spread is my way of rapidly doing it.

Here's today's breakfast photo:

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (29th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do weekly backups
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Goooood morning all!

I'm seriously impressed with myself right now.

Why?

Because, since midnight on Monday, I've used £6.71 of electricity, which is nowhere near the tenner that I was budgeting for in the same amount of time and includes the heater being on in here for 2 hours accidentally yesterday too... I really can afford to both heat and eat after all!

If you're in the UK and struggling with huuuuge electricity bills, I'd definitely recommend you getting a smart metre and setting a realistic budget for yourself.  Mine is £5 a day and after 2.25 days, I'm only just over a single days budget!

I've taken my morning pills and set the weekly virus scan off, but it's too close to my carers potentially coming to have breakfast, so I'll do that when they've gone and potentially get my nose stuck in a book, but I haven't decided for sure yet 'cos I can't save anything while the backups are chugging away and I don't wanna lose half a review ('cos I'll never remember what I said) if something goes splat.

I'm proud of myself for coping with the engineer yesterday and Marie doesn't think it'll cost a fortune just to replace the conked out part that he was certain was the problem, so next big assessment is to see, first how long the emersion needs to be on to get a gorgeously hot bath again and second, how much it costs per hour to have it on, so that I can work out if baths will be treats or if they will be a regular thing again.  I'm really hoping it'll be a regular thing 'cos they are sooo relaxing for me when they are hot enough... maybe a once-a-week treat for coping with another week on my own?

This post is waaaay too long and I haven't even thought about my day's to-do list yet, so I'm gonna do that now I reckon.

BFN

Nite nite orl

I've had a busy, verging on overwhelming day today so I'm gonna take myself off to beddy-byes and stick my nose into a magasine for a while.

I'll see you all tomorrow morning.

Nite nite orl.

Fourth and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run monthly virus scan
• Put in a new grocery order
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Sort out last week's FitBit image
• Code and upload FitBit image to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Bring in groceries
• Put groceries away
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Sort out the emersion heater quote
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Blimey!

The engineer has just been over and he's almost certain what the problem is with the emersion heater, he knows how to fix it and he just needs to get the part, drain the tank (obviously lol), fit the new bit, refill the tank and hopefully it'll be fixed them.  He made it sound like such an easy job, which is reassuring, but I'm hopeful that I won't need to leave the emersion on for literally 2 weeks to get a few centimetres of barely tepid water soon!

I just hope that it's a reasonable price now lol

Today's (28th March 2023) lunch photo

I finished off yesterday's leftovers for lunch today, so it was a couple of Thai green curry and rice's again which has thankfully sent my calorie count through the roof.

Here's today's lunch photo:

Yesterday, I...

...barely used the lights at all - maybe a couple of hours at sparrow's-fart o'clock then I turned the light off literally until I was ready to go to bed and that was only because I was closing the curtains so wouldn't have been able to see, but it was only on for maybe 30 seconds before I turned it off and went upstairs!

The seasons are definitely a-changing which will be even better for my mental health 'cos I won't be actively suicidal any more, especially as it heats up too... dark and cold days definitely trigger my downward spiralling mood!

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run monthly virus scan
• Put in a new grocery order
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Sort out last week's FitBit image
• Code and upload FitBit image to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Bring in groceries
• Put groceries away
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Sort out the emersion heater quote
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run monthly virus scan
• Put in a new grocery order
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Sort out last week's FitBit image
• Code and upload FitBit image to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Bring in groceries
• Put groceries away
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Sort out the emersion heater quote
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (28th March 2023) breakfast photo

Because I was up later than normal and had to set my looong monthly virus scan running, then my morning carer came, I didn't get to have my breakfast until 3 hours later today.

It was just my usual 2 slices of toast with dairy free spread and a very sharp orange juice this morning.

Here's today's breakfast photo:

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run monthly virus scan
• Put in a new grocery order
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Sort out last week's FitBit image
• Code and upload FitBit image to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Bring in groceries
• Put groceries away
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Sort out the emersion heater quote
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (28th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run monthly virus scan
• Put in a new grocery order
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Sort out last week's FitBit image
• Code and upload FitBit image to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Bring in groceries
• Put groceries away
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Sort out the emersion heater quote
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Mornin' all

I've taken my morning pills, remembered to start my monthly virus scan first time today and it's gonna be a bad hayfever day today 'cos I'm coughing, sneezing and sniffing already.

Got a busy day today 'cos as well as my carers I've got the groceries being delivered as well as someone coming out to assess the emersion heater and I woke up late too, so won't be able to have breakfast until my morning carer has been and gone.  I've got a decaff coffee on the go and I've gotta remember to put in my next grocery order for 4 weeks' time too.

I think I'm gonna pick at chocolate for my breakfast this morning, so that I don't feel sick when I move around to wash and dress this morning... I've got another 4 cartons of chocolate in the fridge, so it's not like I haven't got enough to keep me going lol

I'm gonna put up my to-do list now, before I forget the additional things that are happening today.

BBIAB

Nite nite orl

I've taken my pills and put the woolen laundry cycle on as well as gulping down a decaff coffee 'cos I didn't realise how close it was, so I'll be up at 3am needing a wee now of course 🙄

I'll see you all waaay too early in the morning and I'll be a grumpy cow 'cos I haven't had anywhere near 8 hours of sleep again.

It's my monthly virus scan as well as my grocery delivery day, so there will either be loads of blog posts or barely any, but I won't be able to reply to any emails before the virus scan is done and dusted, unless you're one of the few who know my private email addresses of course  😉

I'll see you all in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

Fourth and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Refill squash bottle
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Weigh myself
• Log weight into FitBit
• Download last week's FitBit spreadsheet
• Code and upload FitBit spreadsheet to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

After 3 experiments in the last 20 hours...

...I've come to the conclusion that the bedroom and toilet seat will never be warm again 'cos they are both too expensive for too little heat.  Both the heater in the bedroom and the one in the airlock cost 1p per minute in electricity but I get double the heat for the same price from the radiator in the living room (1p every 2 minutes) so as a result, I'll put the radiator on for half an hour every morning to take the night-time chill out of the air, then that'll be it for the day.

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Refill squash bottle
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Weigh myself
• Log weight into FitBit
• Download last week's FitBit spreadsheet
• Code and upload FitBit spreadsheet to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (27th March 2023) lunch photo

Cor lummy I'm stuffed! lol

My carers double-teamed me for my lunch today and I stupidly didn't take their advice to only use one mug of rice, so I had quadruple the amount of rice I was expecting by half way through and just under half was wasted cos it was veeeery close to spilling out of the pan.  I'll hopefully remember that one large mug is enough for two rice meals next time, but I'm bound to forget lol

Today's lunch was half a can of Thai green curry and waaaay too much rice which has, thankfully, sent me waay over budget with my calories, so I'm really hoping I haven't lost any more weight in a week's time lol

Here's today's huge lunch photo:

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Refill squash bottle
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Weigh myself
• Log weight into FitBit
• Download last week's FitBit spreadsheet
• Code and upload FitBit spreadsheet to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (27th March 2023) breakfast photo

It's gonna be another high calorie week this week 'cos I've somehow lost 800g in the last week instead of putting it on, so it's gonna be another week of toast for breakfast and chocolate (both the solid variety as well as the drinking one) until it comes out of my ears.

It was just my usual 2 slices of toast with dairy-free spread and a bottle of orange juice for breakfast again this morning.

Here's today's breakfast photo:

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Refill squash bottle
• Have breakfast
• Put breakfast photo onto this blog and Instagram
• Weigh myself
• Log weight into FitBit
• Download last week's FitBit spreadsheet
• Code and upload FitBit spreadsheet to my homepage
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's(27th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Refill squash bottle
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Keep an eye on Freegle to see if anyone wants the microwave
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Mornin' all

I've already taken my morning pills and my hands are like ice so I'm gonna turn the heater on in here after my morning carer has been and gone.  

I need to refill the squash bottle 'cos I've only got half of the second bottle left so I'll have drained it by tonight or at least not have enough left for my full doseage of pills tomorrow so I'll have to stop mid-dosing to fill them both up, then I'll forget where I'd got to and potentially overdose which may not be such a bad thing for me, but it's the last thing my in-laws need on top of the last few months.

I'm gonna go and make the bottle of squash now I reckon, so that I don't forget again.

BBIAB

Nite nite orl

I've just popped my last two pills of the week and only missed yesterdays lunchtime one all week because of the fitting that didn't happen after all, so I'm feeling pretty proud of that.

The side effects aren't kicking in yet, but I wanna be able to have an early night and that means being ready to sleep as soon as they do, so I'm gonna close the curtains, turn the hallway light on, then head off to beddy-byes.

The clocks changing in the early hours has made sooo much difference to the amount of electricity I'm using for lighting already 'cos I haven't had the light on in here since 7am and it's now 12 hours later and I'm only just about to turn them on again... Summer is definitely just around the corner now, just hope the temperature heats up soon too!

I'm off to beddy-byes now.

Nite nite orl.

Fourth and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Go for lunch with my in-laws
• Ask my in-laws if they know anyone with a van
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Ask Marie to unplug and move the microwave for me
• Take photo of microwave - I'll do it when I've recovered, but I'm not gonna push myself too far or too fast
• Refill dosette box
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay - my enabler can eff off - I'll do it when I've recovered, but I'm not gonna push myself too far or too fast
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Go for lunch with my in-laws
• Ask my in-laws if they know anyone with a van
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Ask Marie to unplug and move the microwave for me
• Take photo of microwave - I'll do it when I've recovered, but I'm not gonna push myself too far or too fast
• Refill dosette box
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay - my enabler can eff off - I'll do it when I've recovered, but I'm not gonna push myself too far or too fast
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Go for lunch with my in-laws
• Ask my in-laws if they know anyone with a van
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Ask Marie to unplug and move the microwave for me
• Take photo of microwave
• Refill dosette box
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay - my enabler can eff off
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with my carer
• Go for lunch with my in-laws
• Ask my in-laws if they know anyone with a van
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Ask Marie to unplug and move the microwave for me
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay - my enabler can eff off
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (26th March 2023) breakfast photo

Just my usual breakfast again today of 2 slices of toast with dairy-free spread and a bottle of orange juice.  I've also got a decaff tea on the go to try and warm myself up a bit, but there's no photo of that.

Can someone remind me to have the cous cous at some point today so that it doesn't get wasted pretty please?  I was supposed to have it yesterday but I forgot and only saw it and remembered when I went to get the spread out of the fridge this morning!  Woops!

Here's today's breakfast photo:

Today's (26th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Go for lunch with my in-laws
• Ask my in-laws if they know anyone with a van
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Ask Marie to unplug and move the microwave for me
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay - my enabler can eff off
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Mornin' all

Did you remember to change your clocks?  I didn't until this morning - woops! lol  I'm all changed (except the landline phone) so I'm good to go now.

I've already taken my morning pills and I'm sat here shivering, so I'm gonna go and make myself some breakfast and a hot drink I think.

I'm not gonna be around for a good chunk of the day 'cos of going over to my in-laws to have lunch with them - it's the only time I leave the house and the only time I get to spend more than 40 minutes a day with another living being.

I'm not gonna put the rubbish or recycling out today 'cos there's barely any there, so it seems pointless, especially if it's windy and everything gets blown everywhere!

Gonna set my daily virus scan going then go and make my breakfast now I reckon.

TTFN

Nite nite orl

I'm absolutely wiped out and I've got icicles hanging from my nose and ears so I'm gonna head up to bed straight away.

If you're in the UK, don't forget to turn your clocks forward at 2am!  Thank you for reminding me, Marie!

Nite nite orl!

Fourth and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Get smart water metre fitted - the stopcock is too close to the house unfortunately, but I understand the reasons and I'll still be able to save some money on my bills because of the photos he took and that I'm here alone now
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

This song is soooo me

If you wanna get to know my every day pain in 5 minutes, listen to 'Everybody Hurts' by R.E.M - it's how I feel constantly but feel forced by the vast majority of people to hide my pain, so if you wanna know how I'm really feeling, listen to the lyrics of the song 'cos it's sooo me.

Blimey!

In the 49 hours that I've had the smart metre, I've only used up £6.99 which is just over a day's budget of a fiver and that's including having the washer/dryer on twice (including for almost 4 hours for one of them) and having the heater on in the bedroom for 15 minutes (the most expensive thing by a long way at 1p per minute) so that's seriously impressive!

It's starting to get too dark now, so I'll have to put the light on in here for a couple of hours, but I've only used up £1.49 of energy since midnight which is really impressive to me at least!

Almost woops! lol

I've got my decaff tea on the go now, but my coffee drinking really is a habit I've picked up out of loneliness 'cos without even thinking I opened the coffee jar, got a spoonful out and I was >< that close to making myself a coffee instead of a tea.  If I'd moved the spoon even a millimetre more than I did, I'd be drinking coffee again now!

Can someone remind me to have a day just of decaff teas at some point next week (except Tuesday) to see if I drink less of that than the coffee 'cos it's smoother please?

I've worked out...

...that my drinking of decaff teas, decaff coffees, drinking chocolates and especially water and pop aren't from thirst, they are as a result of boredom and loneliness.

I'd drunk 2¼ litres by 10am and I was going to make myself yet another one but I made myself stop and think and notice if I really was thirsty or if it was something else.

I've drunk 250ml since then and that was only so that I could take my lunchtime pill.

It often feels like the only reason why certain people contact me is so that I can either support them or do something for them.  In the last 4 months and 4 days, out of my literally thousands of online friends (mostly on Facebook, admittedly), only two of them have taken the time to shut up and listen to me and actually care without demanding that I support them in return, usually within the same sentence as their so-called support.  Well I'm fed up to the back teeth of it and I'm gonna start treating certain people in the same way they've been treating me then when they complain I'll tell them that they should look in the mirror more often.

I'm genuinely thirsty now, so I'm gonna make myself a mug of strong, black, decaff tea for a rare change 'cos it tastes, to me at least, so much smoother and more relaxing than coffee.

Third update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Get smart water metre fitted - the stopcock is too close to the house unfortunately, but I understand the reasons and I'll still be able to save some money on my bills because of the photos he took and that I'm here alone now
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (25th March 2023) lunch photos

Today's lunch comes in 2 parts - yesterday's leftover pasta and roasted vegetable pasta sauce was the first part and I haven't dug into the second part yet which is 2 Graze punnets (Marmite Crunch is the first punnet and a Smokehouse Veggie Protein Power is the second one) that I haven't scoffed yet 'cos they will both get my fingers messy so wanted to put the two photos up first lol

Here are today's two lunch photos:

Second update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Get smart water metre fitted - the stopcock is too close to the house unfortunately, but I understand the reasons and I'll still be able to save some money on my bills because of the photos he took and that I'm here alone now
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

First update of today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Get smart water metre fitted
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (25th March 2023) breakfast photo

Today's breakfast was just my usual one of 2 slices of wholemeal toast, slathered in dairy-free spread and an orange juice.  I made myself a decaff mocha when I took the plate out too, but there's no photo of that.

It's gonna be another left-overs meal for lunch today 'cos I'm getting a smart water metre fitted and if it's as good as the electric one that I've had for 38 hours then I'll be a very happy bunny.

I'll be going over to my in-laws again tomorrow so there will only be a breakfast photo then too, but I can breathe next week 'cos I haven't got anyone (other than my carers) coming over other than someone coming to look at my emersion heater to give me a quote on Tuesday afternoon, but that won't affect my lunch 'cos it's not until 4pm lol

Here's today's breakfast photo:

Today's (25th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Gooood morning all!

I'm in such a good mood right now!

I've had my smart electricity metre for 37 hours and I'm still waaay below my budget for one day let alone 1½ days and I've discovered that the standing charge is only 50p a day which is £3.50 a week and means that I can budget even better than I thought and maybe even put the heating on for a little while each day!

Today's experiment is putting the heating on in the bedroom for an hour or so before I go to bed to see what that does to my budget.

I've taken my morning pills and set the virus scan running, so now it's time to sort out today's to-do list then breakfast and a hot drink methinks.

Today is going to be a good day.

Nite nite orl

I think I've done really well to cope without any form of heating being on for the last 48 hours.  There have been a few very shivery times (like now) but I've coped with the chills considerably better than I thought I would, so I'm rewarding myself with an early night tonight.

I've put the woolen wash on and the timer says it'll be finished at 11.07pm so I'll be able to see what a full day of everything (other than the heat) being used costs.  I'm £3.13 under budget for the day so I'm feeling really proud of that!

I've taken my pills and I want an early night tonight, so I'm signing off now and I'll see you all again in the morning.

Nite nite orl.

Second and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

I've got no idea...

...when I did it, but I've just discovered 2½ (the half isn't bleeding any more so it kinda does and kinda doesn't count) self-harm wounds that have happened since lunchtime but I don't know when, why or how they happened.  They are definitely self-harm wounds as opposed to accidental injuries, based on where they are and what they look like but I haven't got a clue about what happened or why, so I'm really hoping this isn't me getting back onto the slippery slope after all the hard work I put in all those years ago.

It's the not knowing/realising that I'm doing it that's the most worrying, 'cos I can't stop myself then which makes an awful situation even worse.

I'll have to keep a closer eye on how I'm feeling and reacting, like I did yesterday, so that I can hopefully stop it before it gets to the point of no return again.

I'm already fiddling with the injuries so I've been able to stop myself twice in that sentence up there ⮙⮙ and again, so I'm just about able to stop myself before I start, which is a positive thing, but to harm myself 3 times with no recollection at all is kinda worrying.

Blimey Charlie!

So far at least, getting the smart electricity metre fitted yesterday was worth the almost overwhelming anxiety and verging on loopiness all day 'cos I've only used £1.77 of electricity since midnight so I'm well under my £5 a day budget and I'm soo much less worried about putting the wool wash on tonight too... although it'll be interesting to see how much it costs for such a long (pretty much 4 hour washing and drying) cycle considering how little the 45 minute cycle cost this morning (about 30p - yep, totally serious, less than a penny a minute)... I'm thinking a couple of quid, tops, but we shall see.  

Assuming my electricity provider really do only charge me for what I use (plus the standing rate or whatever it's called) rather than their almost £312 a month estimate, then I might be able to eat and heat after all!

After the first 26 hours with a smart metre and getting really worried about how much my daily cost would be, I can feel the delighted surprise overtaking the anxiety now.  I'm gonna leave the heat off again tonight, so that I can see how much the woollen wash sets me back, but if that's equally as reasonable then I'll try putting the heaters back on tomorrow night too.

If, like me, you're shocked by how much your electricity is costing you and you haven't got a smart electricity metre installed yet, I definitely recommend it so far.  I'm expecting my electricity bills to be all over the place for a couple of months, but hopefully they will settle down after that and my bills will be considerably cheaper.

It's the turn of my water tomorrow afternoon, then I will be totally smart so I'm hoping that bill will come down pretty significantly too, 'cos apparently everyone who doesn't have a smart water filter gets charged about the same, so I am being charged the same a a 6 person household, despite using considerably less water than them.

I turned the main light on in here a few minutes ago and it hasn't cost me a penny yet, according to my smart metre, so that's a nice surprise too.

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Go on, Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms bookworm, you know you want to!

I think...

...I'll have a drinking choccie as a warming reward when I get through this appointment.

Today's (24th March 2023) lunch photo

Well considering my lunchtime carer wasn't sure she knew how to cook pasta and the concept of boiling water seemed to be completely alien to her, we successfully navigated cooking pasta with tomato and vegetable sauce!  lol

Compared to this time 5 months ago, my portion sizes are considerably better and I'm eating cooked lunches pretty much every day now, instead of the 3-4 days a week when my late hubby was alive and they are considerably more varied too.  I haven't had a take away for 4.5 months instead of the weekly that it was while Steve was alive and I haven't had a Cafe Nero coffee since the start of December 2022 so I think I'm doing pretty well and have every right to feel proud of myself!

I'm used to eating breakfast every day now too, instead of just on the 3-4 days that Steve hadn't cooked the day before now that I only have to make one instead of two so my legs are a lot more stable while I'm waiting for the toast to pop up.

Here's today's lunch photo:

Today's carer was...

...one of the useless ones unfortunately.

She stood in the kitchen talking to someone on her phone or playing games and the total amount of her caring for today was to pull my cardigan over my shoulder while I was scrabbling for it.

I'm washed and dressed for the day now though, so I'll go and make myself a coffee then put the cotton washing on so that I can see how much electricity a 45 minute wash and dry takes.

After yesterday...

...one of my friends panicked that I was "going to do something stupid" because I wasn't online for a couple of hours, then went to great lengths to tell me that "everyone loves and appreciates and needs you" then went into a looooong speil about how awful their life was, so it looks like I've finished with my grief and I'm back to supporting them again.  I guess I should be grateful that it's only been 4 months and 3 days since I became a young widow before it all started up again - apparently my grief really *does* have a time limit according to certain people <shrug>

 

Today's (24th March 2023) breakfast photo

Just my usual breakfast of 2 slices of toast with dairy free spread and an orange juice again this morning.

Here's today's breakfast photo:

First update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (24th March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Mornin' all

I haven't turned the heating on for the last 36 hours and I thought I'd be shivering and getting a really bad cold but it really isn't as bad as I was dreading!  It's chillier than I'd like, but nowhere near as bad as I was thinking and it saves electricity and money so it's all worth it!

I used £1.94 of electricity in the 8 hours to midnight yesterday after the smart electricity metre was fitted, which ain't too bad at all.

I've taken my morning pills and I'm gonna go and make myself some breakfast after I've put today's to-do list up.

I didn't get loopy after all yesterday, just the significant warning signs, so that's a relief.

My daily virus scan was reassuringly still clear, so that's a relief and means that it's time to go and make my breakfast now I reckon.

Nite nite orl

I've just taken my pills so I'm heading to bed for a well-deserved early night I reckon.

I'll be back again in the morning, same as usual.

Nite nite orl.

 

3rd and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer - not going to today
• Get smart metre fitted
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

I'm absolutely shattered so...

...I'm gonna take my pills half an hour early then head to bed I reckon.

For the first time in about 6 months...

...I'm not gonna put the heating on down here overnight tonight.  I'm still gonna whack the heater on in the bedroom in a bit 'cos I can't sleep when I'm cold and have never been able to in my life (it's why I needed sleeping tablets while I was in hospital - I was too cold to sleep), but I'm genuinely not cold atm so I don't wanna waste money that I could be saving.  As long as it's not like Antarctica down here in the morning, yesterday could, potentially, have been the last time I put the heating until about October kinda time.

I'm not gonna go cold, but I'm also not gonna put the heaters on just because I can either.

Today's (23rd March 2023) lunch photo

I'm very late posting my lunch photo 'cos the fitter came when I was half way through it, so have only just finished resizing the photo then I had internet issues so I wanna get this post and the photo up as soon as I can just in case my connection goes loopy on me again.

It was a completely fridge-centred meal of yesterday's chilli leftovers, 2 vegetable cous cous' and I'm about to dig in to the Graze punnet.

Here's today's lunch photo:

2nd update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer - not going to today
• Get smart metre fitted
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

It's amazing what can happen when...

...a company respects a potential new client's requests right from the start!

The engineer is coming out to have a look on Tuesday afternoon and we'll take it from there.

I like this new company more than yesterday's already!  10/10 so far!

Just had another trader contact me and...

...these ones actually respect my request to email instead of phone me lol

They have explained some stuff that needs to be checked that has gone flying right over my head so they've offered to send an engineer out to find the information for a very reasonable call-out fee so I'm gonna go with these traders so far.

Today's (23rd March 2023) breakfast photo

Just my usual breakfast again today - 2 slices of toast, dairy-free spread and an orange juice.  I've also had a few treat-sized choccies and I've got a mug of decaff coffee on the go too.

I'm already sneezing and sniffing so today is obviously gonna be another hayfever day for me - oh joy.

It's gonna be a weird lunch today 'cos I'll be finishing off yesterday's vegan chilli and I've got 2 vegetable cous cous available as well as a punnet in my Graze box and a peanut protein bar so it'll be all cold food today that I'll be picking at and hoping I don't have to answer the door mid-mouthful lol

Here's today's breakfast photo:

1st update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer - not going to today
• Get smart metre fitted
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Today's (23rd March 2023) to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run daily virus scan
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer - not going to today
• Have smart metre fitted
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Mornin' all

Goooood morning all.

So today's the day and I can't back out now without paying a hefty pricetag for it.  I'm incredibly nervous and I'm hoping they will give me a ring before they come over so that I can let you all know in advance and shut down before they arrive.  

I'm really not looking forward to the window being open while they're here 'cos I'm cold at the best of times, so having to have the window open to let the arctic air in while they're here is gonna be a nightmare.  I've got a back-to-front open cardigan thing that I can wear if it gets too much.

My daily virus scan has just finished and it was still reassuringly clear, so I'm gonna take my morning pills and make my breakfast now I reckon.

BBIAB

Nite nite orl

I've just taken my anti-loopy pills and the side effects are rapidly kicking in so I'm off to bed soon.

How have you all felt about looking inside my mental health today?  Like with the physical health, today was a particularly good day, so I might actually be able to sleep and escape into the land of nod tonight instead of constantly battling with my suicidal feelings.

I'm incredibly nervous about tomorrow so please keep your fingers crossed that it's a reasonably early, rapid and easy job tomorrow so that I can spend the day recovering rather than getting more and more nervous about it.

Nite nite orl.

3rd and final update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do backups
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

Well so far...

...I've had one tradesperson interested in giving me a quote to fix/replace the emersion heater and they fix taps too, so assuming they do a decent enough job on the emersion heater I might try and get a quote for fixing the dripping bathroom sink tap and totally unmovable bath tap too!

Have they potentially found themselves a new customer?

He's just been on the phone so that's quick work!

So far so good

I've just done a bit of mental maffs on my over budget so far this week and I've already consumed over 3,000 calories over budget and we're only on Wednesday, so I'll hopefully get to around the 5,000 mark by the time I head to bed on Friday, then another 2,000 at the weekend which is hopefully a pretty much guaranteed weight gain on Monday.

My mood is starting to lift again and I haven't needed the 5-HTP after all today and it's past the point of taking it now otherwise I won't be able to sleep, but my mood is starting to lift so I'm gonna have a few more chocolates which'll hopefully steer me away from more self harm.

The OCD has been negligible today and the suicidal thoughts haven't been too bad so a pretty good day all in all!

Tomorrow is gonna be weird 'cos I won't be alone in the house for a while for the first time since 10th December 2022 and I won't be able to use my computer while s/he's here so that'll add to the weirdness, but the battery lasts all of 15 minutes so it's pointless leaving it on.  I hope s/he doesn't mind black tea and coffee 'cos I haven't got any cow's milk here lol

Time to crack out the chocolate I think.  My mood is around the 4-ish kinda level so that's not too bad.

My friend's...

...deep depression first thing seems to have magically cured itself and they're ignoring me now.

Until next time.

Then the cycle will start again.

<shrug>

The chocolate has helped to lift my mood and I'm back to a mid to high 3 again now.

2nd (but very delayed) update to today's to-do list

• Wake up
• Take morning pills
• Run weekly virus scan
• Do backups
• Have breakfast
• Get washed and dressed with a carer
• Have lunch
• Take lunchtime pill
• Offer microwave on Freegle - my enabler wants it to stay
• Offer Steve's footrest on Freegle
• Write some more of the sequel
• Read and review 5 Kindle Unlimited books
• Study more of my courses 
• Take evening pills
• Go to bed

My mood scale is currently at...

...a mid to low 3 which ain't too bad.  I'm gonna have more chocolate 'cos I've got about 3½ kilo's of it to get through and there's only one person here to get through it all... what a pity eh?  😉

Just taken...

...my lunchtime pill, only 3½ hours later than it should have been lol

I've only just drunk 2½ litres today (I've bought in a mug which takes it up to that but I haven't drunk any of it yet) but it was well over 3½ litres by this time yesterday, so I think I've done OK and it really is hot drinks that mean I drink less, so I'll try again tomorrow in case today is just a fluke.

Cor lummy

I'm absolutely stuffed because I stupidly had seconds for lunch but my mood has lifted a bit, so I'm back to a high 3 on my mood chart now... maybe my blood sugar was low which is why my mood dipped this morning and I'm considerably better now?

I'm getting more and more nervous about tomorrow, so if I suddenly disappear, please don't worry, I'll be fine (I don't have the option not to be), it'll just be that the fitter has arrived and I won't be able to use my laptop while they're here.  I hope I can remember how to re-set the alarm clock radio tomorrow lol

I've just had someone on the phone about my newest benefits claim and apparently what my enabler told me about not being entitled was absolute bollox and that "there's no reason to think that you're not entitled so far" said the man on the phone - he just needed to check that I gave permission for them to contact my GP was all, so that's semi-reassuring and another lie that my enabler told me.  The more I speak to people the more I'm starting to think that she was a total bullshitter from the start, which I'm not happy about and I'm starting to get disappointed/angry/frustrated the more I hear from the people she was supposed to link me up with to support me.

I'm not sure where my mood is at right now... I'm emotional but I'm not sure if it's a good emotional or a bad one!

I need chocolate to try and calm down I think.

Today's (22nd March 2023) lunch photo

I couldn't go any hotter (taste-wise) than this tinned plant-based Mexican chilli and rice and I've still got 2 cartons of the chilli with rice and 2 cous cous to have tomorrow too lol  I might have a second serving later on, if I get hungry again, but I've gotta let my tastebuds recover first lol

Here's today's lunch photo:

I've had to...

...resort to the chocolate because my mood is through the floor (I'm currently at a low 2 but don't know why) and I'm sooo hungry!

I think it'll definitely be a case of having to resort to the 5-HTP this afternoon unless my mental state rapidly improves and my lunchtime gets here very soon, otherwise I won't be able to motivate myself to eat which will be a waste of money that I really can't afford to do any more.

I'm gonna try and remember to ask my carer to do the entire tin of chilli and double the amount of rice so that I can eat a proper meal tomorrow without risking cooking anything myself which could send me loopy and knowing my luck the fitter would come to the door just as the food needed to be dished up too lol  I've got 4 servings of ready-made vegan cous cous in the fridge, just in case, but I'd like to keep them in reserve just in case I get hungry in the afternoon lol

I was wrong, I'm sorry

The weekly backups have just finished so I'm all sorted for the next 7 days.

I was wrong to think that something would go wrong and that I'd have to restart them and also that they wouldn't be finished in time for my lunchtime carer to come to do my lunch for me and I'm sorry for my mistakes this morning.

It means that I can go for as many wee's as necessary now though lol

My mood is back up to a 4 but my self-harm injuries from this morning are annoying me now... they aren't too painful, but they are letting me know that they are still there and hopefully starting to heal up.  There will hopefully be a pickable scab over them in time for when the first smart metre gets fitted which will hopefully help me to cope with the disruption and stop me from getting too loopy while the person is here, doing their job.  There are loopy thoughts starting to swirl around in my head though, so I'm really hoping that they won't come out today or tomorrow!

6 minutes away from...

...being backed up for another week.  You watch me need a wee and accidentally pull one of the leads out in my hurry with less than a minute to go though! lol

Just checked again and it's now saying 30 minutes lol

Better make that...

...5 wee's in a smidgen over an hour.

My mood is going downhill again so I'd best make sure my mask is firmly in place so that I can keep supporting my Facebook friend.  It's looking more and more likely that today will be a 5-HTP day after all.

I'm currently at a low 3 on the mood scale, so that's not so bad, all things considered.

I'm already...

...harming myself and it's only 9.17am 😞

The caffeine...

...is going through me sooo quickly today, so I'd best make sure my foot is definitely well away from the external hard drive leads so that I don't accidentally pull them out as I stumble hurriedly to the bathroom.

I've already been for 3 wees since I started drinking the caffeine about half an hour ago, so maybe the toast wasn't enough of a solid to soak it up?

It's gonna be one of those days with my bladder today I think 🙄

Looks like...

...my internet connection is gonna be flaky today, which is the last thing I need right now.

Just had a text from my electricity supplier and they are definitely coming tomorrow between 8am and 4pm tomorrow so I should be able to have breakfast but I'll be scoffing chocolate by the fistful tomorrow lol  What a shame lol  Should I be getting nervous already?

My mood is currently at a 3 but my weekly virus scan has almost finished, so as long as it doesn't find any nasties and the backups are finished before my lunchtime carer arrives, I'm hoping th... the virus scan's just finished and it didn't find anything that shouldn't be there, so I'm gonna start the backups and keep my fingers crossed that they go off without a hitch and are finished by 11.30am too, just in case it's another early lunch for me.

Wish me luck!