...my legs are killing me, my knees won't safely hold me up for the rest of the day now that they've given way underneath me twice, my anxiety is through the roof, I've got a headache brewing, my hayfever is through the roof and I just wanna break down and cry but I can't 'cos Steve'll be home soon, ranting about how messy his legs are and D will be expecting me to support her all day after literally - hold on while I check... 3 very short sentences (and she started talking about herself before the end of the third sentence).
I've cracked open a packet of biscuits and I'm hoping to finish off most of them before Steve gets home and forces me to get back into the supportive, caring headspace again for another week, despite him doing bugger all to support me.
I was in tears and suicidal yesterday after being told that because the judge had agreed to my appeal being re-heard at the first tier again then there wasn't any more funding and the CAB have closed my case from their end too, so I'm left alone to fight it again and I'm about ready to give up on everything and put my plan into action. I know exactly what I'm doing this time and I've been planning it for months so it's not a spur-of-the-moment decision and that I'll feel better if I can just hold on for a bit longer.
How much longer though?
I've been battling these thoughts for over 2 years now and when I try to reach out in desperation I'm told to take it off Facebook and put it here in my blog which has made me feel even worse, so I've been doing my research and supporting others while being forced to battle with my own demons totally alone. Again.
It's got to the point now where I'll struggle on until it's time for my next order of supplements then I'll get these things at the same time so that it isn't so suspicious.
I've had as much as I can take now, I really have.
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